Mr. Blunderson's Top 2 movies of 2007

By Mr. Blunderson

Since it is the last day of the year I thought I'd put in my 2 cents (quite literally) on my favorite films of 2007. When I asked Big C to give me his top 5 I promised that I wouldn't be doing a list of my own but I can't help but mention my top two. Those who know me are aware that I often suffer from the "can't help but..." syndrome, so this should come as no surprise.

This is in no way meant to slight the top 5 of Big C, since I think every movie on his list (except for Sweeny Todd, didn't see it) was completely worthy of the praise he heaps upon them.

It will probably be several months before I see the majority of the Oscar fodder for this year, but I did see a few that really blew me away.

2 - Zodiac

I don't think anyone familiar with Fincher's work would have imagined him telling this story the way he did which is one more reason I loved this film. The scope of Zodiac is as staggering as it's running time, but everything about it put me in awe. Mark Ruffalo knocked it out of the park as the real life cop who inspired Dirty Harry, and little Jake Gyllenhaal brings a performance to the screen revealing the sad truth that madness and obsession are not traits reserved for serial killers.

edit - How dare I forget to mention Mr. Iron Man himself, Robert Downey Jr. playing quite the opposite of a super hero. His portrayal of a downward spiraling crime journalist follows the momentum of the investigation.

It was through the eyes of these characters that the viewer can grasp the far reaching effect of the Zodiac Killer. There are moments where the psychological effects of the zodiac killer seemed to be cutting a path of destruction through the bay area metaphorically comparable to Sherman's march toward Atlanta.

1 - No Country For Old Men

I can't express much about this film except that it has haunted me since I saw it. Javier Bardem's gravelly voice rang in my ears for days, I couldn't get that stark landscape out of my mind, and I flinched a few days later when I encountered a sweet old man with an oxygen tank in tow at the local grocery store.

I read the book. I read at a decent clip, but this time I really took my time. At first I thought it was just a good book, but I soon found myself hanging on every word and sentence. This is a really good book. Looking back at the film I have a greater appreciation for the overwhelming plight of the sheriff (played by Tommy Lee Jones) and the growing feeling of dread and helplessness he feels as the story unfolds. The final monologue that Jones delivers is easily one of his finest moments on celluloid.

No Country for Old Men captures the spirit and message of the book in a way that we see too little of at the movies today, simultaneously managing to unquestionably be a film by the Coen Brothers.

* * *

That's my top two for better or worse, I know that everyone and their dog, parakeet and gold fish are praising No County for Old Men as the best of the year, but having seen it for myself it's hard to deny it. Again, let me stress that this opinion comes from the agoraphobic film critic and I haven't seen a lot of the more recent releases this year, but when considered among all the movies I've ever seen this is among the best.

Who the hell is this guy ?! (updated)

Remember when I posted this a few days ago?


Another Super Hero Movie! Who would have guessed?


The official site is up so this one won't disappear in a day or two.

Word from Big C vol 12 and a retraction

I got this in the old mail box today from my good pal Big C:

"Ok I know that this is kind of asinine but I just have to do a new top five after watching Sweeny Todd.

5. Knocked Up

4. Shoot'em Up

3. Sweeny Todd

2. Live Free or Die Hard

1. Super Bad

now this has to be the real top five. And that is that

Now you also get my Sweeny Todd review also

Now I'm not sure that every one knows that I'm a fan of the musicals. That being said Sweeny Todd gets a Cam-tastic from me because it has all the elements of a Cam-tastic musical let me list them...

1. Good singing ability

b. Corsets to make boobies look fantastic

3. BLOOD and lots of it

d. Bodies bouncing on concrete

And lastly Meat Pies

I say if you love musicals like i do that is reason enough to see this movie but if you don't then go because you simply love to see Johnny Depp acting and in this role you get to see him act like he never wait no its just like many of his other roles but he is always good at it so in closing just SEE THE DAMN MOVIE all of you."

I'd like to thank Big C for all of his help here at the cirque. It's wouldn't be any fun without him. Also a big thumbs up to Hero Stew who is always adding his 2 cents and helps keep me from flying too far off the handle.

Merry Christmas

Another Dune Movie?!

Peter Berg (The kingdom, The Run Down, etc) confirmed that a new Dune movie is a done deal, and they are just waiting for the writers strike to end to "get into it."



Can we just let it be already?

HELL YES!

by Mr. BLunderson

IGN has a teaser up for Hellboy II: THe Golden Army...

It


Looks



Awesome

Best Films of 2007 according to Big C

I recently asked Big C if he'd be willing to offer a list of the top five movies he saw this year. As you might expect his list is concise with no rambling, and no extraneous explanation. He just sent me the 5 movies he liked best this year.

5. The Departed
4. Mr. Brooks
3. Knocked Up
2. Live Free or Die Hard
1. Super Bad

There you have it. Thanks to Big C for offering up his top five. Whether you agree or disagree, this list just proves what I've said all along about this is guy who knows how to enjoy movies.

Word from Big C vol 11

Big C, who is an avid gamer as well as a movie buff recently saw Hitman and I don't to spoil his review but I have a sneaking suspicion this film isn't one of his favorite movies of the year.

"Ok so i saw Hitman last week and I have a couple things to say:

First off the jack ass that wrote this one needs to play the video game a little more and see that YOU CAN'T MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT A FUCKING ASSASSIN WITHOUT USING PIANO WIRE to kill at least one person.

Secondly fucking Vin Diesel was an executive producer... When the hell did he start producing? Not that it was a bad movie, it was better than I thought it would be but I am most definitely not going to own it.

And lastly "number 47" the main character treats the female lead like I imagine Tim would if he could get a woman close to him ever and if you know Tim you understand."

Who the hell is this guy?!

Here's another superhero movie. I don't know much about it other than I might have hurt myself laughing at the whale bit. All I know is that is stars Will Smith and Jason Bateman and looks to open this summer.

Enjoy.

-edit- CRAP! They took it down. As soon as I find the link again I'll post it cause Hancock looks badass.

The Dark Knight

By Mr. Blunderson

I am one of those people who adores the fact that Christopher Nolan is working the Batman franchise right now. Even though I had some misgivings about the final third of Batman Begins, it was by far the best Batman movie made so far in my opinion.

Although I am not a serious comic book fan, one of the things I hated, hated, hated about the franchise from 1989-1997 was that every shot was choked by this cartoony ridiculous and claustrophobic Gotham that first came in the form of Tim Burton's standard crooked buildings and evolved into the Joel Schumacher nightmare that I don't even want to discuss without my therapist close by. I couldn't say how true those visions were to the source material, but it was never for me.

-warning, I may be committing comic blasphemy here-

I've felt that Batman could have worked if shot in a gritty, grounded in reality environment. Batman struck a chord with me because the only difference between him and me is his massive set of cahones... and of course his bank statement (that and he probably doesn't need a step ladder to reach stuff on the top shelf). He is one of those super heroes that could exist in the real world... you know like Al Gore.

But I digress...

Superman (1978), despite it's more fantastic elements worked really well for me existing in world that was similar to my own, so imagine my disappointment when I saw Tim Burton's Batman looked liked parts had been filmed on sets left over from Beetlejuice.

Other than the train sequence at the end of Batman Begins, I was blown away by the look Nolan and his creative team brought to the franchise. I can't say enough about the amazing Wally Pfister, who in my opinion is one of the finest cinematographers working today. How many people have been nominated for an Oscar for best Cinematography for a super hero movie? Actually just one besides Wally as far as I can tell (unless Dick Tracy counts as a super hero), and sadly, that was Batman Forever. Wow, I just vomited a little. But you get the idea.

Shame on me for busting out the Oscar angle since I deeply suspect those awards are total crap--that is a tirade for another day, but if you don't believe me about Wally Pfister (and yes, get it out of your system) do yourself a favor and see the movies he's shot, especially Insomnia, and you'll see what I'm getting at.

The only reason for telling you any of this is that a new teaser for The Dark Knight is online and I am giddy as a school boy. If you haven't seen it yet, watch it and enjoy.

Top Ten Utah Movies and then some

By Mr. Blunderson

Big C showed up at the cave tonight bearing a gift from our good friend Hero Stew. It was a copy of one of my all time favorite movies Fletch. Now As much as I love this movie there is one little down side. Talking about it makes me feel old since a lot of young people today either haven't heard of it or didn't think it was very funny. Young people! Bah!

Instead of rambling on and on about how great Fletch is, I did get another idea... One of the funniest things about Fletch is the Utah angle. As a resident of the beehive state I find those references extra hilarious. But this got me thinking, so I'd like to present you my list of my top ten Utah movies of all times. Researching my list I was surprised at some of the titles I came up with, so I am extending it to include honorable mentions and some "gee whiz" insights as well.

Keep in mind that most of these movies were only partially shot in Utah, but that's good enough for me.

Lets kick this party off with Mr. Blunderson's Top Ten Utah Movies

10 - Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954)

I had to include this because I know how much it will piss off Mrs. Blunderson. She would complain that the movie is blatantly sexist. Although she has a point, it's funny to me since the so-called "brothers" wear more fringe than the Village People. I also happen to know this is a film that Big C enjoys and we both chuckle at the "cap gun" sound effects when the brothers cause the avalanche.

Something that Mrs. Blunderson may not know about this film is that the script was based on a short story called The Sobbin' Women which was itself based on an ancient roman legend The Rape of the Sabine Women. I for one would love to see an updated version of this film that ends with a shit load of restraining orders.

On a side note, if you visit the wikipedia page for the movie, there is an excellent demonstration of pan and scan versus wide screen presentation. If you are one of those people that thinks "Full Screen" simply chops a few inches off either side of the shot you can finally see just how wrong you are.

9 - Planet of the Apes (1968)

I don't know how much of this was actually shot here but Glen Canyon Utah is listed as one of it's locations, a fact I learned only in the last hour. How cool is that? One of the most iconic movies period was at least partially filmed in my scenic and beautiful yet clearly bass-ackwards state.

As I run it though the memory processor, did the ship crash land into Lake Powell? I'm geeking out a little here. This new knowledge gives such a deeper meaning to Heston's final words "You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"

8 - Better Off Dead (1985)

John Cusack, hot foreign exchange student, monster eggnog made with lighter fluid, the worst (and thus the best) 80's high school dance, Japanese drag racing brothers, David Odgen Stiers, claymation fast food, the K-12, worlds best Chrsitmas presents ("you like corn"), people throwin away a perfectly good white boy, the first time we see the TV/fireplace shtick in cinema, a villain named Stalin, kicking ass on one ski, and to drink... Peru!

Need I say more? Oh, I failed to mention the slopes in this movie were Utah's own Alta and Snowbird resorts.

And I almost forgot - "I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!"

7 - Over the Top (1987)

This is one of the worst movies ever made. I only bring it up because Stallone really does owe me the money for renting it not once but twice. The only fond memory I have relating to this heap of crap is an SNL sketch where Norm MacDonald slams it by saying that Kramer Vs Kramer (which also dealt with the sensitive issue of child custody) wasn't as good as Over the Top because there wasn't any arm wrestling in it.

6 - Legion of Fire: Killer Ants (1998)

The first of two made for TV movies on my list, this bad boy was filmed in and around Heber, which is just a short drive up the canyon from here and home to one of the best places on earth to get a milkshake. The real star of this movie is Mitch Pileggi who spent years "also starring" as A.D. Skinner on The X-Files. Here he gets a chance to kick some insect ass and take names. The plot might seem a little silly when the whole problem of the ants could have been solved by giving all the kids in town magnifying glasses... I don't remember if it was overcast that day. Not a great movie, but it's Mitch. And compared to Over the Top its Citizen Cane.

5 - National Lampoons Vacation (1983)

Yes, Chevy Chase debuts on my list in a move that isn't Fletch. Here's one of the all time great road trip movies that sadly gets ignored by younger audiences today (damn whippersnappers) because they've already seen all the movies that were influenced by it. This is one of those "passing through Utah" movies, but this is my list so get over it! I was going to put Footloose as number 5 but when I asked myself which movie I'd rather turn on the TV and watch right now, the answer was Vacation by a landslide.

4 - The Searchers (1956)

Unappreciated in its own time, this film has come to be regarded as one of the best westerns ever made. It's hard to go wrong with John Wayne starring in a John Ford directed shindig, and even though it looks dated now and might be a bit tough to watch, the scope and themes are still as epic and bold as they ever were. There is a harshness to this movie, especially as it relates to the treatment of Native Americans and the racism and genocide that existed in the old west. To white wash over that would be an injustice to the past, and The Searchers is certainly more honest in that respect than most film from that era regarding the subject matter.

3 - Rubin & Ed

Trent Harris is a local filmmaker who doesn't shy away in reveling from Utah's weirdness. Why hide it? We should be proud of it, it's one of our most precious resources. One interesting note about this cult classic about two young republicans, one of which may or may not be the king of the echo people, in search of a burial place for a beloved deceased pet is that it never mentions Mormons once (Of course, Harris has a whole other film where he slams the LDS weirdness, and I do mean slam). Who could have predicted the chemistry between Howard Hesseman and Crispin Glover? This movie is unapologetically bizarre, charming, and completely hysterical.

2 - The Executioners Song (1982)

Another made for TV movie but important for so many reasons. This film (shot in Orem and Provo, Utah) based on the Norman Mailer book of the same name tells the story of murderer Gary Gilmore who committed his crimes and later lobbied for his own execution. He was the last person to be executed by firing squad (as far as I know, anyway). The real Gary Gilmore committed one of his two murders about 500 hundred feet from where I currently live. Also, you can't ignore that this was the performance that made Tommy Lee Jones.

1 - Fletch (1985)

Willy - What the hell you need ball bearings for?
Fletch - Awww, come one guys. it's so simple. Maybe you need a refresher course.
(Leans on hot engine part)
Fletch - Hey! It's all ball bearings nowadays. Now you prepare that Fetzer valve with some 3-in-1 oil and some gauze pads. And I'm gonna need 'bout ten quarts of anti-freeze, preferably Prestone. No, no make that Quaker State.


For better or worse, that's my list. Before she went to bed, Mrs. Blunderson gave me her top five Utah movies:

5 - Rubin and Ed

for it's cult status and the air of coolness it brings to Utah. (and I think she likes the shoes)

4 - The Conqueror

Here's a flick that is still relevant today, not so much it's content but how it relates to down winders and the irresponsibility of the early days of atomic weapons testing. This movie was a bomb (critically and financially), John Wayne was cast as Genghis Kahn, and likely due to the literal bomb (fallout ridden soil from weapons testing) 91 out of 220 cast and crew members developed some form of cancer. Although there is some dispute between the diagnosis and the actual cause of the cancer (46 died by 1981), this is a drama that has sadly played out in too many south western communities.

3 - Savannah Smiles

This is a cute little tear jerker that reflects the local family values that doesn't manage to end like one of those movies in seminary where someone bares their testimony. Great use of locations.

2 - Independance Day

For nothing else but the scene with all the RV's rolling across the Salt Flats and Bill Pullman ftw (whatever that means)

1- Footloose

The prom at Lehi Roller Mills, the irony of the community with ultra conservative values (makes Utah conservatives look like a bunch of liberal hippies I tell you), the late Chris Penn busting a move, and for Kevin Bacon showing us all that the best way to blow off steam is to dance. Just dance dammit!

By the way, if you know what scene I'm talking about... you've been served!

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Dumb & Dumber - SLC International, baby!
Galaxy Quest - Hooray for Goblin Valley.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade - so what if there aren't really caves in the famed double arch.
Vanishing Point - an inspiration of QT's Grindhouse entry Death Proof
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - it was tough to leave it off my list I swear
The Stand - Of all the movies listed here this was filmed closest to where I actually lived
The Sandlot - if only for the line "You're killing me Smalls!"
Thelma and Louise - can you beieve Goldy Hahn and Meryl Streep were at one point up for the roles?
Austin Powers in Goldmember
Back to the Future III
Revenge of the Ninja - Nice to see at least one Ninja flick lensed inside our holy borders.
SLC PUNK! - Love it or hate it (or just like it) at least someone made a film about local counterculture.
The Electric Horseman
Joy Ride - JJ Abrahms directing and Steve Zahn co-stars. Nuff said.
The Philadelphia Experiment
Stage Coach
Species - I still can't believe Ben Kingsly was in this movie. He was Ghandi, dude!
The Outlaw Josie Wales
Maverick

And Last but not least, here are some films that made me say "Gee Whiz" when I learned parts were filmed in Utah

Easy Rider
2001 a Space Odyssey
Casablanca
The Greatest Story Ever Told
Superman III
The Ten Commandments

I could go on and on but I wanted there to be room for others to comment and make their own suggestions. Utah is an odd place but Hollywood loves us just enough to keep putting our best parts on the big screen... our scenery.

There are also some movies I intentionally left off the list. Spare me your hate mail because I don't consider Mission Impossible II a movie. It's just a feature length montage. And I haven't seen those High School: The Musical movies... admittedly, I probably won't until someone holds a gun to my head and says "watch, damn you watch!"

I wouldn't be much of a film jerk if I'd have it any other way.

Review - Live Free or Die Hard

by Mr. Blunderson

Let me fill you on the history of the franchise as it relates to me:

Die Hard - I loved it.
Die Hard 2 - I hated it (Die Harder... are you kidding me?! Renny Harlin... are you kidding me?!)
Die Hard: With A Vengeance - I liked it, but not enough to own my own copy or anything.

After hearing rumblings of a fourth installment in the franchise, I was quite anxious for Live Free or Die Hard to hit the big screen. As the agoraphobic critic, I naturally didn't see it until my wife brought it home on DVD, but that in no way diminishes my anticipation. It also didn't diminish my enjoyment of the film.

I can't lie to you, this movie is ridiculous. Justin Long is perfect as a nerdly hacker who never once uses a Mac (way to avoid the type casting there buddy), Timothy Olyphant is sufficiently bad ass as the second best villain in the series (no one will ever unseat Hans Gruber), and of course there is John McClane himself, Mr. New York Cop, kicking ass (he doesn't have time to take names because he is too busy kicking more ass), outrunning explosions, dodging bullets, breaking necks like it's going out of style, giving a kung fu hotty the shaft, and as always creating at least as much destruction and chaos as the terrorists he is fighting. And lest I forget: Kevin Smith. Oh hells yes. His cameo allows for a few nods to geekdom. Man that shit is everywhere!

One of my few complaints would be that it was clear this was not originally written as a Die Hard flick. If you have any familiarity with the series that fact will be apparent quite early on. The vibe just ain't right. Another thing that didn't jive for me was the angle involving John McClane's daughter. With Justin Long by his side Bruce Willis already had one girl in constant peril. Did the plot truly require another? Granted she was not your typical damsel in distress cliche (consider the lineage and all) but you get the idea.

It's also sad when terrorists are so technologically proficient they can locate McClane's daughter in a matter of seconds in one of the worlds largest cities but they never bother to look up McClane's service record? That kind of stupidity has to be punished. Of course it is. And how. But what do I know? If I was a terrorist I would have packed it in after some rogue hero guy launched a car into a helicopter... but that's just me.

But all is redeemed in the final moments when McClane kills the bad guy... not so much that he kills him (that's not a surprise) but how. FUCK YES! That moment was so Die Hard it nearly brought tears to my eyes. It's been weeks since I watched it yet it still makes me smile. At the end of the day, that's what Die Hard is all about: fun, fun, fun. It might be messy, and it might be full of technical errors that would drive anyone who knows anything about a computer batty, but there is enough blessed mayhem and Bruce Willis that even I could turn a blind eye and enjoy it.

As such, Live Free or Die Hard rates a "way decent" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.

REVIEW - Santa's Slay

By Mr. Blunderson

When you consider all the Christmas movies--especially in the horror genre--it is easy yet sad to say that there is a lot of crap out there. Santa's Slay is an unapologetically bad Christmas movie, which may have a lot to do with how much I enjoyed watching it. First five minutes alone you get to see Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, and (I am not even kidding you here) James Caan, get their asses ended by a great big Jewish Professional Wrestler playing a wickedly evil and hysterical Santa Clause. Even if the rest of the 78 minute runtime had been complete crap, it still would have been worth the price of the rental.

Bill Goldberg (starring as the man in the red suit) kicks ass in a world where Santa has only been nice for all these years because he lost a bet. When the terms of that bet expire he is once again free to kick the living shit out the naughty and the nice. Santa's Slay is fun enough that even an art house movie snob such as myself can let go of the fact that it was produced by Bret Ratner. 78 minutes may seem a bit short for a feature film, but at that length it doesn't wear it's welcome.

This movie has everything - the cringe inducing one-liners, curling, Dave Thomas, wolverine leftovers, strippers, a helldeer that eats people, THE Greatest American Heros, claymation, death by menorah, proof that cops can be Cocks, shitty spoiled kids opening the presents they really deserve, old people swearing (it is a weakness but I will never tire of it), not to mention the most important lesson of all: always sanitize a stripper pole before you use it to beat the shit out of anyone. Either that or use some really thick gloves, I suppose. Oh yeah, and don't forget when the kids tried to lose the bad guy by copying moves from Top Gun. That is one of my favorite "inside" moments in all cinema.

It's not going to win any Oscars, but this is certainly a shit load of fun. If you don't like it, I can't hold it against you but if you did you understand why I gave this movie an "Oh Hells Yes!" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.

note - I can't believe I forgot to mention the man, the myth, the legend Robert Culp. I'm adding this bit after being chastised by Hero Stew in my comments section. Here is one of the great character actors of all time and I left him out of the review. Besides all of his other credits, he played a killer on Colombo not once, not twice but three times muchachos! If this iconic name in entertainment doesn't ring any bells, check this out and pay your respects to a Hollywood legend. Just one more reason that Santa's Slay is so damn fun.

Ebert's Best Films of 2006

by Mr. Blunderson

Even though I don't always agree with him, and I certainly don't need his approval to love or hate any movie (I am my own man thank you), I've always enjoyed reading the reviews of Roger Ebert. Love him or hate him, he is a fantastic writer. If you don't believe that then you may need your head checked.

Roger is a little behind in his work due to health issues but has finally gotten around to posting his best movies of 2006:

1 - Pan's Labyrinth
2 - Bubble
3 - Children of Men
4 - The Departed
5 - The Lives of Others
6 - United 93
7 - Flags of our Fathers/Letters From Iwo Jima
8 - Perfume: The Story of a Murderer
9 - Babel
10 - Man Push Cart.

You can read Ebert's comments on each film, as well as nods to other great films including his favorite documentaries of the year at his own site, right... here.

For my own thoughts on this list, simply read on.

As for the Top Three, I couldn't agree more although I have to admit I completely forgot about Bubble. I can't recall seeing a movie where the characters and their plight felt so genuine. The suffocation of the blue collar life reaches far beyond the screen so much that I could almost taste the agony of the characters existence. Another thing I can say about this film is that the DVD extras are very compelling as they illustrate the melding of fiction and reality in simple, but straight forward storytelling and character development.

I don't know what I could say to add to the commentary regarding Pan's Labyrinth other than saying that Guillermo del Toro knocked that one out of the freakin Park. I've heard rumblings of a third film relating to the Spanish Civil War being made in the near future... Hooray!

I have said even recently in conversation about movies that Children of Men was one of last year's most under appreciated movies. The care and effort put forward to make the film the way they did still boggles my mind.

I liked The Departed but I didn't love it. That might be related to the fact that the ending had been ruined for me so I feel I may have missed out on some of the fun. I did watch the Hong Kong movie that inspired it later that same week and gained some added appreciation for the adaptation. I do have to admit that I am a sucker for movies with Boston accents. When Gone Baby Gone comes out on DVD I rent that, The Departed and Good Will Hunting and watch them back to back to back.

The rest of the movies... I haven't seen. Shame on me? Perhaps.

I would like to see The Lives of Others. I keep meaning to. It's been a while since I've delved into German Cinema. It reminds me of the first time I saw Wings of Desire. Wow, maybe I'll rent both this weekend.

As for United 93 it's just too soon for me.

Flags of Our Fathers and Letters From Iwo Jima... also too soon. (yes that was tasteless, but I am a movie jerk after all).

I really have no interest in seeing Perfume so unless someone makes me watch that movie at gun point I will never have an opinion on it.

I meant to see Babel, I really did. I can recommend Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu's earlier film 21 Grams. Amazing the way that story unfolds. I know Babel is told in a similar fashion so maybe I should just get off my arse.

Man Push Cart sounds really good. I should probably see it so I can talk about it and sound intelligent at a fancy party... if I ever happen to go to one... I should probably read The Great Gatsby before that party too. Truth is I think I'll pass because the subject matter might send me back into a depressing oblivion. Besides, I wouldn't have fun at one of those parties anyway.

And now you know better than ever that I am a massive jackass.

Seth and Kevin make a movie

It was announced last night that Seth Rogan will star in Kevin Smith's next film Zack and Miri Make A Porno, which is set to begin filming in Pittsburgh early next year. As cool as that sounds, Mr. Rogan has made his mark in films that were made utilizing a great deal of improve, something Kevin Smith is not fond of.

If you haven't seen it

by Mr. Blunderson

Today I'm finally getting around to clearing out my draft queue and found a bunch of reviews I've never finished. As I rule, I've found that if I don't finish a review on the second or third pass it's never going to get done. Here are a few mini reviews of films I have seen over the last six months that I wholeheartedly endorse.

Big Nothing

This ditty caught my eye because it starred Simon Pegg who is by far one of the funniest individuals working in the industry today. If you don't mind his American accent and the fact that David Schwimmer is also starring, this is a fairly decent caper of the "heist gone oh so wrong" variety. It's not fall on the floor funny but it has it's moments, develops it's characters, and stands firm on a darkly comic quirky path from start to finish.

Superbad

Perhaps one of the best comedies of the year, I dragged my feet on this review because I didn't want to gush. I loved Superbad. A movie doesn't have to be obscene to be funny but when it's done right (as is the case here) it certainly doesn't hurt. My only beef is that it drags a bit when the boys get hung up at the wrong party. If you haven't seen this movie you are lame. DVD comes out in a couple of weeks.

Zodiac

The only thing worse than the fact that this movie was ignored at the box office is the fact that it will likely be forgotten come awards season. Zodiac is David Fincher's magnum opus. The Man KNOWS how to use a camera. He knows how to build tension. Fincher is genius here by giving us a front row seat to the madness and obsession on the other side of the coin. This is a very long movie but it is time well spent. The visuals will knock you on your ass, and the performances (especially from Mark Ruffalo and Jake Gyllenhaal) are superb.

Stranger than Fiction

Will Ferrell brings a lot of depth and sweetness to his role in this subdued comedy. Funny as hell and off the beaten path, this is another example of strong performances and vital characters. Emma Thompson is outstanding and Dustin Hoffman does what he has to do. This is a lot like a Charlie Kaufman script only more accessible, and certainly a great way to spend a few hours.

REVIEW - DAY WATCH

by Mr. Blunderson

There goes my ulcer.

That's how bad this movie sucked. I couldn't sit through it. Even watching it with friends and fast-forwarding through the bulk of the flick we were still exhausted. It had some cool moments but they are all in the trailer. Don't bother with the rental unless you already have shrooms on hand.

For the record, it is better than Transformers.

Word From Big C vol 10

Big C sent this one to me a while back and I finally got around to putting it up. It's about a tiny little movie called The Comebacks. Sorry for the delay folks. Once again, this is straight from the big man himself.

"...I have seen a number of spoof movies and The Comebacks one of the best yet. First off having David Koechner as Coach Lambeau Fields was genius I don't think any other man could have done it better. With one of two hot females in the movie almost all the time there is always something nice to look at but that isn't the only reason to watch this movie. Comedy fills the movie from beginning to end with lines like 'sorry I bobbled your boobies last night,' and sexual innuendos and such make for great fun. So WATCH THIS MOVIE or you will be missing out. All in all The Comebacks is a solid movie."

REVIEW - 28 WEEKS LATER

by Mr Blunderson

45 minutes into 28 weeks Later I had to check the DVD case. I seriously had to make sure I was watching the sequel to one of the best horror movies made in recent years as opposed to a Roger Corman knockoff. This movie was that painful to watch.

For those not in the know, let's back track. 28 Days Later... was a spectacular film. Beyond being frightening, beyond breathing life back into the zombie flick, it was a movie about people in a horrific situation. It was a character drama dressed as a horror film and it worked because the audience could relate to the characters.

Another reason I love the first movie is that it is basically Day of the Triffids without the plants. While you may not be familiar with that book or it's author (sci fi god John Wyndham) I can promise you've felt it's influence in the genre. Danny Boyle and Alex Garland keyed on many of the important ideas put forward by the book in a tiny guerrilla film shot on digital video that tossed the industry on it's ear.

Back to the sequel - bigger ain't better. The film looks great. When the camera sits still the shot composition is pretty amazing, and there are a number of genuine scares in this movie (not to mention the single creepiest shot of a statue I've ever seen). But the script is horrible. The only interesting character (played by Robert Carlyle) is reduced to a cliche before the middle of the second act, the undeveloped characters make one stupid decision after another, and I will probably vomit up my lower intestine all over my area rug if I see one more movie where 2 kids outsmart the military contingent. Of course they were British kids and the soldiers were American and education overseas may be far superior but that still seems like a bit of a stretch. It's one of those plot devices that would get you laughed out of your freshman English writing class.

I also have to wonder if the people who made this movie have ever seen the first one. I only ask because every thing the first film did so right was thrown out of the window and ignored. Since I can read I see that Danny Boyle and Alex Garland were executive producers on this flick and can only imagine they had little actual involvement with this film. If they were involved I will find them and kick them after I've taken care of Neil (bitchpants) LaBute for what he did to Wicker Man.

There were so many wasted opportunities here. If only we could have seen more of the commanding officer who is forced to exterminate the repopulated London. If only the father, haunted by his recent past, had been developed into anything else. If only we could have had anyone besides the "sniper with a heart of gold" who comes across as just a little NAMBLA at times (did you have to stroke the kids hair? really?!).

It's also sad that one of the coolest, kick ass moments was done better and with no MTV herky-jerky camera work in Planet Terror.

You could hide all of the bodies under Dick Cheney's house in the plot holes in the last half of the movie but by then if you are still buying into 28 Weeks Later maybe you're the zombie. It would have been a decent movie if it they had used a phone book instead of this script. The fact that 4 different people are credited for the screenplay is never a good sign.

It looks good but that's about it. Take it or leave it, as for me I'll just try to forget I saw it. For that it registers a don't bother on the Mr. Blunderson scale.

afterthought - I regret that I never mentioned how cool the John Murphy score was. It was spot on which only makes me more perplexed as to how this movie went so wrong when it had so much going for it.

REVIEW - 1408

by Mr. Blunderson

written by Scott Alexander, Matt Greenberg, Larry Karaszewski
based on the short story by Stephen King
directed by Mikael Hafstrom
rated PG-13 - 160 minutes

Horror as a genre has suffered as of late. Scares have been replaced by shocks, and jumps have been reduced to prolonged uncomfortable squirming. Horror at the mainstream box office has been co-opted by torture porn and ADHD editing and is on the verge of extinction as far as I am concerned. 1408 at least gives me hope for the future , even if it can't save the genre all by itself.

1408 is patient, deliberate, and well paced. John Cusack is undeniably solid, he does all the heavy lifting here. He is on screen from fade in to fade out, think Castaway as ghost story (only not as long) and you get the idea. Sam Jackson has a small but effective roll as the Hotel Manager who seems generally interested in keeping Cusack's paranormal debunker from spending the night in what he refers to as an "... evil fucking room."

Although effective and well made, there are a few things that don't completely work in 1408. There is a twist that causes the film to run out gas right before the climax, and sadly a lot of the weight that the film had earned up to that point is lost, rendering the resolution less effective.

This isn't the sort of film that was trimmed down from an R-rating to get a PG-13, the scares were based more on buildup, tension and good old fashioned psychology. The original ending (only included in the 2 disc special edition) was better but tested as a downer. Since this was a studio film, the suits have the final say leaving us with a suitable ending that can't help but feel like a bit of a let down.

If you want to see a chilling, intelligent, well-made movie I can recommend 1408 with a clear conscience. It is not the scariest movie you will ever see, but it is one of the best ghost stories to hit the big screen in years. For that I give it a "way decent" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.

Word From Big C vol. 9

I just checked the old e-mail and found a typed review from my good friend the movie buff, so for the first time in Cirque du Jerks history, the word from Big C comes straight from the horses mouth:

"so I watched a little movie called Blood Rayen 2 (still need to see the first) it was ok for a complete rip off of Blade. only minor differences like the setting is old west town the "blade" role is filled by a hot lady witch I liked much better then watching a dude. So in conclusion the movie was an ok but not nearly as captivating as the original Blade."

Silly George Lucas

Talking about his upcoming animated series Clone Wars, he said:

"So it's kind of a PG-13 animated TV series, which is something that has never been done before and obviously doesn't fit in any of the conventional slots that these things fall into. In that, it's very different, and I think it's very exciting. It's got a very, very sophisticated look to it. It's very much like the features. We're still trying to figure out how to put it on the air."

Not to piss on the lovely tea party but Mr. Lucas obviously never saw that groovy little CGI series that was a weird hybrid of both the book and movie Starship Troopers. I don't know, perhaps what Mr. Lucas is working on is darker and more violent than I remember Roughnecks being.

To be honest I'm just glad he's doing this and not finding new ways to wreck the original trilogy... at least I hope that's the case.

A Word from Big C vol 8

Big C says The Ex was pretty good.

REVIEW - Disturbia

by Mr. Blunderson

written by Carl Ellsworth & Christopher B. Landon
directed by D.J. Caruso
released April 13, 2007
rated PG-13 - 104 minutes

Let me get it out of the way early - I love Alfred Hitchcock. He was a genius and his movies are among the greatest ever committed to film. Anyone familiar with my views on modern cinema will no doubt be aware of my absolute distaste for remakes and re-imaginings of any kind. As you might imagine, when I first heard the premise of Disturbia (a bit of a modern, teenage take on Rear Window) I was less than enthusiastic.

Believe it or not, I rather enjoyed this subdued little thriller. Although the territory is very familiar the execution was impressive and the performances were solid from top to bottom. It opens with shock and awe before settling in at a mellow pace developing characters and setting up the final third of the film. It's compelling, funny, and ambiguously chilling.

Shia LeBeouf is perfect as a troubled teen suffering the "natural side effects of chronic boredom." The rest of the cast is strong but so much depends on David Morse doing what he does best (being creepy and calculating) as the film unfolds, and he carries his share of the weight like a champ.

The only thing that really bothered me was the apparent unwillingness to let any of the major players perish along the way, this means the only victim who gets it is a red shirt whose demise is ultimately all to predicable.

If you are interested in seeing a well crafted thriller, Disturbia is a fine way to spend an hour and half and certainly worth the price of the rental. It also happens to rate a "Way Decent" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.

REVIEW - Transformers

by Mr. Blunderson

Written by two monkeys with a typewriter
Directed by the Über-Hack Michael Bay
theatrical release - July 2, 2007
rated PG-13 - 144 minutes

What a complete and utter waste of time, money and celluloid. This was maybe the crappiest movie I have ever seen and that is saying a lot considering I own a copy of xXx on DVD. If you ever wondered if a movie could suck rhino balls, this is it.

REVIEW - Snakes on a Plane

by Mr. Blunderson

written by Sheldon Turner, Sebastian Gutierrez, Jonathan Heffernan, David Dalessandro
directed by David R. Ellis
theatrical release - Aug 18, 2006
rated R - 105 Minutes

By now everyone knows the story of the "little premise that could." This is the film that blew up on the internet before anyone had even seen a trailer thanks to the name alone. Based on said buzz additional scenes were shot to garner the R rating and include Samuel L Jackson doing what he does best. Producers told the press that the fans deserved to see this movie first as the reason they didn't screen it for critics. Despite opening at number 1 (beating out Talladega Nights no less) Snakes on a Plane dropped off the radar at the US box office faster than David Koechner can say "Whammy!"

After finally seeing it for myself I can only think of one glaring problem with the movie. The first few minutes are a total waste of time and they don't match with the tone of the rest of the film. They develop a villain that isn't present for the rest of the movie and takes up time that would have been better spent doing absolutely anything else. 5 minutes of me tying my shoes in double knots would have been better. Does it really matter that much why we got the snakes on the plane? Of course not. It only matters that there are snakes on the plane. Other than that it's a great ride.

Keeping that in mind, there is little point trying to defend anything that transpires from fade out to fade in. There are snakes, a plane, mayhem, and most of all Sam Jackson kicking ass. It ain't Shakespeare, but it's a hell of a lot of fun. That's why I give Snakes on a Plane a "your loss if you hate it" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.

Why I live at the B.O. (box office, that is)

commentary and general lamentation
by Mr. Blunderson

Actually, my family isn't so crazy that they've driven me to a ridiculously inhospitable place for shelter... yet, but I am intrigued by one film that after six weeks is still cruising like a champ at the good old B.O. Of course I am referring to a little film I like to call Knocked Up.

Here's a film that was not a sequel, wasn't based on a TV show or a book or even a toy, severely lacking eye popping special effects or CG animation, unabashedly R-Rated, and it didn't even have a single proven big name star (unless you count cameos). Yet after six weeks it remains in the top ten at the box office having more than quadrupled it's production budget.

It warms my heart to see a small film doing so well in theaters. Crazy that a 30 million dollar film could be called "small" but compared to the barrage of "blockbuster" behemoths visiting theaters this season, Knocked Up seems like a tiny spec barely visible to the naked eye. It's also nice to see a good movie doing well, as there aren't enough of those out there any more. So many films today are big and loud and expensive but seem to come up short in the end. It's those little things like plot or character development that bring down the awesome giants that really do have so much potential. Too bad. Too, too bad.

It's also hard to believe how many huge movies have come out this year. When I was younger there were always summer movies but no way was there another huge epic something or other coming next week, and the next, and the next. It's such a rush to make money though that "quality" film gets harder and harder to find.

But it is a business. Movies are made to suck money out of my wallet and place it into the hands of people whose toilets cost more than my car. That won't be changing. There is also very little I can do to make those big-time summer spectacles be all that they can be. All I can do is remain ever vigilant for those movies that do rule and savor them that much more.

And when I find them you can bet your ass I'll tell you about them here.

Shut It, Eli

I recently mentioned that I had some respect for Eli Roth. I want to make that clear that I was speaking only in terms of his "principles" on making sequels.

In the general sense, I have no respect for the man. Since his movie opened poorly and has quickly slipped into oblivion at the US Box Office he has been a whiny bitch.

Get over yourself. You want people to pay to see your movie, make a good movie. Make a good fucking movie, and if it does tank don't bitch about how it was everyone else's fault, TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.

A Word from Big C vol. 7

Big C caught a film after work Friday called D.O.A. and offered his thoughts on 2 levels. Speaking as a gamer, having played the game and such, the movie sucked. "It didn't follow the game at all," he tells me. However, from his point of view as a movie buff he enjoyed it immensely.

Movies That Rule Vol. 1

by Mr. Blunderson

I thought I'd share a few words on movies I've seen so far this year that ruled. Try to keep in mind that I am not a critic, I am a jackass and a film snob. Lately I've spent enough time (and not only in this forum) tearing apart movies that bugged me that I feel obligated to convey anything at all about movies that I don't hate.

-2007 FILMS that RULE-

300

I absolutely have to start it all off with that veritable ballet of blood and violence. The beauty of this movie is it doesn't take itself so seriously at any point that it kills the mayhem joyride. It's a guilty pleasure that could have been a cult favorite but became the years first blockbuster. Unlike the higher grossing movies that have come out since, 300 deserves the money it made. Zack Snyder and Frank Miller execute the film with enough flair and style that it rises above the historical inaccuracies and similarities to Braveheart. 300 is bold, brash, completely unapologetic, and always a total fucking blast.

Hot Fuzz

Now THIS is how you send up a genre. The problem with most movie spoof's being made lately is they force every joke so fucking hard there are times they might as well stop the projector and send an usher into the audience to make sure everyone got the joke before moving on. The days of subtle humor are pretty much dead at the US box office. Thank god there is a guy like Edgar Wright making movies. Hot Fuzz out-Bruckheimer's Bruckheimer AND manages to deliver a multi-layered comedy where even the casting generates laughs (Timothy Dalton! It still kills me), and admittedly the chemistry between stars Simon Pegg and Nick Frost doesn't hurt either. This isn't a check your brain at the door type movie. Sure it's silly and has British people saying "cunt" but this is one of the most visceral comedies I've seen in a long time. Sight gags, running jokes, hysterical dialogue overlap enough to warrant multiple viewings.

And SCREW YOU if you don't like it.

There, I said it.

Grindhouse

If you are one of the three people on planet earth that reads my jerky little film blog you will no doubt be aware of how I loved this movie. Yes it's long and the second half lags under the weight of characters who talk and talk and then go somewhere else and fucking talk some more... but the last few minutes of Death Proof redeem its shortcomings. Will this movie ever find it's audience? Perhaps not, but that just means more for me. I still keep some incense burning on my Danny Trejo shrine for the completion of Machete although I'll probably pass on a full length version of Thanksgiving even if the trailer did have me in stitches. I do have to say that Planet Terror hit all the right notes and schlock or not is one of Rodriguez's best films to date. I am really looking forward to this DVD release and will probably cry for a week if the special features are suck.

Meet The Robinsons (in 3D)

Even if it is an animated rip-off (or should I say homage?) of Back to the Future, this is a sweet and endearing movie that I absolutely loved. The 3D made it all the more fun, although it pisses me off that there aren't any 3D movies at the theaters right now. Meet the Robinsons boasts the best and most hysterical villain I have seen in years. The only thing I didn't like about this movie was when it briefly turned into the Matrix, which was a little alarming for my kids. On the positive side, seeing a film in 3D made going to the movies a real event, giving me something I can't get anywhere else. Period.

Knocked Up

Here is a movie that takes the limits of simultaneous sweetness and vulgarity set by 40 Year Old Virgin and pushes them into a whole other universe. This is not just a great comedy, it is a commercial for everything Judd Apatow and Seth Rogan will do in the future. As soon as this movie was over I wanted to see it four more times, and I was vexed that I had to wait to see Superbad and more vexed that I had to wait even longer to see Pineapple Express (filming now). FUCK!!!!!!! You bastards I need more!

Knocked Up made one more thing abundantly clear... I have to hang out with Paul Rudd and Jonah Hill.

* * *

I'll be back later with movies that ruled from last year. After that I'll delve into what I refer to as "the pantheon."

Thank you for your time.

A Word from Big C vol. 6

Big C is currently watching The Jackal. He's giving it a so far so good but didn't like that Jack Black died.

Results for Prognostication Vol 1 and General Malaise

by Mr. Blunderson

Pirates holds the top spot at the box office over the weekend raking in another 43 (plus) million domestically. Everyone is seeing this movie or the same idiots are going to see it again and again. Either way, I have yet to meet someone who really liked the movie. If liked the movie please contact me so I can have you sterilized.


As for my predictions of the 2 new big movies that hit theaters I was pretty much right. Good thing I didn't go out on a limb or anything (that's right, I didn't). Knocked Up nearly recouped it's production budget in the first three days, while Mr. Brooks saw the best it will get in it's 10 million dollar opening. I haven't seen how much that film cost so I can't judge profitability but I do know that it will have a hard time keeping up those numbers. I keep hearing that Kevin Costner wants to make two more of these movies. Oy, is all I have to say to that. Find me someone who isn't making a trilogy right now and then I"ll be interested.

On that note, I can only say thanks to Eli Roth who says he won't be making a Hostel III, and Judd Apatow who is attached to (as a producer and or writer) to no less than 11 movies coming out in the next few years and not one of them is a sequel. You guys are okay in my book.

Since I'm the one keeping score, I'll say I'm one and a half out of two so far. I was on for Knocked Up, but only my caveat was right (so far anyway) about Mr. Brooks. I'll be back Thursday with my crystal ball for Ocean's 13 and Hostel II.

Prognostication Vol. 1

by Mr. Blunderson

From time to time I'm going to be putting my money (hahahahaha) where my mouth is and go out on a limb and make predictions for the weekend movies. This is based on the theory that any idiot can do this... cause if we're talking about any idiot, my name always seems to come up.

Knocked Up - This is going to be a great movie, that's all there is too it. The only thing that will keep this film from making a ton of money is if movie goers are feeling buyers remorse over the last few movies that have hit the box office. This is a movie that will push a lot of limits, and I love that. This is the sort of movie that will forcibly pick you up out of your seat to bitch slap the people that brought their kids (and will have them all cursing trough osmosis anyway). It will be funny, it will be foul, it will be one of the best quality movies of the summer.

Mr. Brooks - I am not one of those people who is convinced that Dane Cook's fan's care to see him demonstrate his "range" as an actor at this point in time. Another thing I can tell you about Dane Cook Fans is that many are too young to have been alive the last time Kevin Costner was in a movie that didn't totally suck balls... or at least they weren't very old at the time. Even if this happens to be the best serial killer movie ever made I can't see it being embraced by the masses. Look for this one to be a stinker, but if it does open well (hahahahahaha) it will be on the strength of 20 somethings who love Dane Cook and hope he might provide at least a little comic relief. If that happens, look for a modest to gargantuan drop off in week two.

I'll be back next week with some more crap no one will read.

Continue to expect dumb movies at the box office

General Commentary by Mr. Blunderson.

There is a reason you should expect to see dumb movies at your local movie house.

So far, this summer has seen three huge releases that each broke records in their own right. All three were critically panned as being the weakest link in their respective franchises yet still managed to make barrels and barrels of cash.

Red flags that might have been raised about plot, character development, or cohesion in general are being replaced by gargantuan monetary revenues. Who in the industry will argue against the mighty dollar? They are the money making business after all, and as long as they are raking in the cash the Hollywood machine will keep cranking out the movies that "look good" but are otherwise dumb and unsatisfying. If any of these (Pirates 3, Shrek 3, Spiderman 3) films had been turned in as an assignment in a freshman creative writing class they would have been returned with a massive red F and an overwhelming stench of urine. It would have been the example of what not to do in story telling. Instead, it's movie audiences who will be the ones getting pissed on time and time again.

The audience is as much to blame as anyone. I hear people complaining about ticket prices but continue to visit theaters. Complaints like that are not going to heard by anyone. You want to send a message Hollywood will hear? Stay home. You want more for you entertainment buck? Walk out of the movie and demand your money back. Don't buy the movie on DVD either.

I hear people talking about how much they need escapism in "times like these." Perhaps we're all doing way too much escaping when we should be doing something that might matter.

But I digress...

Expect movies to get bigger and more expensive. Expect effects to get better and player salaries more bloated. Expect to be forced to check not only your brain at the door but all sense of rhyme and reason as well. But DO NOT hold your breath for anything new and original since the three big movies of the summer that have made piles and piles of money were also each the THIRD installment of a franchise.

As for me, I'm getting really tired of the same old crap.

REVIEW - Catch and Release

Written & Directed by Sussanah Grant
PG -13 - 124 minutes
Released October 20, 2006

I may have mentioned before, as an agoraphobic film critic one is always at the mercy of that soul kind enough to bring movies in to watch. In my case it is my wife who does my dirty work (so to speak), and so I occasionally fall victim to the inevitable chick flick. Catch and Release most definitely falls into that category, and I enjoy a good chick flick from time to time and I have to admit I enjoyed this film quite a bit.

The worst thing I have to say about this movie is that it follows a tired and overused formula. When you break it down to the basics, Hollywood only knows how to tell one kind of love story: A couple falls in love, the lovers separate in order to necessitate a third act, the lovers reconcile thanks to the heroic effort of one (or sometimes both) to save the relationship.

I think I just described the plot of about five thousand movies. This is the basic structure of Catch and Release but there are a few things that kept it interesting and watchable. The premise (a woman spends what should have been her wedding day at the funeral of her fiance) is enough to keep the entire film teetering on the edge of being wildly depressing, but manages enough humor and warmth to keep it from slipping into the abyss.

It doesn't hurt that there is a strong Kevin Smith presence here. For me, the most biased critic on the Internet, that makes the movie right there. I was also mildly surprised at how the mother in-law and "other woman" turned out. I like characters who don't pan out as you might expect them to.

Jennifer Garner was not too bad. I have not seen any of her movies prior to this one, and I didn't watch Alias so this was really my first exposure. The rest of the cast managed some decent chemistry. In a movie like this it's the supporting ensemble that does the heavy lifting and I think they did an admirable job here. Although when someone can explain to me how the love interest could ever be named "Fritz" I will probably understand this movie a lot better. Every time I heard the name spoken I imagined Jennifer Garner kissing a reject from the Von Trapp family (liederhossen and all).

Like I said, I enjoyed this movie. I didn't love it but I sure as hell liked it. For that, Catch and Release gets a "Mostly Decent" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.

A Word from Big C vol. 5

I haven't posted anything new from Big C in a while. This is strictly my bad. He's still on the scene and watching movies, I just haven't gotten my lazy arse around to posting it. In a pathetic attempt to rectify the situation, I am back today with a monster Big C update. Not one, not even two, but three movies. Oh yes, you read that correctly.

Keep in mind that I am uber-tired right now so I may not have all of this quite right.

If memory serves, C enjoyed The Condemned, and reports that Smokin Aces was great. I had suggested he turn the latter movie off after the guy gets his keys back, and he said that would have been okay but the change of tone for the end didn't ruin it for him. This is why I love Big C, he is a true movie buff where I am a movie snob. We both love movies, but in the end I suspect he enjoys them more than I do. For that I am just a bit jealous.

Big C also delved into the realm of family entertainment long enough to recommend Aurthur and the Invisibles.

REVIEW - SPIDERMAN 3

There are a lot of things that would have made sense about Spiderman 3. The need to do something bigger and better, the need to not repeat the last two films (oops on that score though), keeping the franchise moving forward blah, blah, blah. Does that excuse the jumbled kinetic excitement of the third installment?

For me the answer is no.

Sam Raimi put so much on the screen, so many new characters and sub plots, that as I look back I can't help but wonder how many things in this movie could have been sacrificed for the benefit of a more cohesive, kickass, finished product. There were times while I was watching the movie that I wondered why even bother? I was waiting for the meat of the story to arrive but all I got were accoutrements. This is a recipe for tedium to say the least.

The filmmakers made Sandman troubled and complicated in the vein of Dr. Octopus in the second film, but insisted on doing it in only a fraction of the time. If you don't believe me, ask yourself how many times a guy has to look at a locket to remind EVERYONE that he "didn't ask for this," and that he's "not a bad guy." It would have been interesting to see a real commitment to making it a little more genuine. For me, the the Flint Marko storyline was as close as I got to Alvin Sargent's voice coming through the mess of a screenplay. Too bad it felt a bit (sarcasm) truncated for the sake of two other villains and a bunch of other crap that I really didn't care about in the end.

Venom had potential but the scene where he "teams up" with Sandman in order to kill Spiderman was the straw that broke the camel's back for this viewer. It felt forced and pathetic--coming across like some really bad fan fic. Most likely they took that road to avoid the movie potentially being another 20 or 30 minutes. Whether that was the case or not it was a cop out of the worst ilk. But what gets cut from the movie if they do it right? Something has to go as there is too much time spent on MJ's angst, Harry's revenge, Parker's ego, Gwen Stacy (Bryce Dallas Howard get away from me already) the relationship friction and breakup, evil Peter (you can tell he's bad when he wears his bangs down) and on and on and on. AND why, oh why Sammy, did you open the movie with a musical number? If I want song and dance I'll see West Side Story (I own the DVD). Spiderman 3 had not one, not two, but three musical numbers if you count emo Peter's jazz dancing at the club. When the action finally starts, it's Peter getting knocked off his wannabe-Vespa which I'd seen already but I have to admit it always makes me chuckle seeing someone with superpowers cruising around town on something that Arnold Schwarzenegger could use to pick his teeth.

This all bothers me so much because this franchise couldn't be in more capable hands. I'm left wondering if this really was a film directed by Sam Raimi with a screenplay by Alvin Sargent. These are two guys who know better. They have respectively made and written great movies and this doesn't feel like their best. If Paul WS Anderson or Bret Ratner had made this movie it would easily be the best movie they had ever made. Hell, most of Hollywood will never make a movie this good, but the bar had been set high enough by the previous installments that this ultimately feels like a real disappointment.

Now that I got all that off my chest, I can get to what's good.

Effects were pretty good, especially the sandstorms. The picture looked good. Performances were on the ball especially James Franco, who really shined this time around even though I could never stop staring at his teeth (is it me or are they unnaturally straight?) I dug that James Cromwell was in this movie, but it's too bad he didn't have more to do because he rules. Stan Lee finally gets a line! And god help me, I actually dug the part where Peter Parker was going around town doing his emo John Travolta shtick. One word: hysterical. Useless, but hysterical. And don't forget Bruce Campbell, who proves once again why he makes every movie he's in a little better. Another bit that stuck out was J Jonah getting shafted by the girl with the camera. Too bad he was only on screen for maybe 2 minutes.

This is a movie with a lot of ambition. Your best bet is to not over-think it as I have. Check your brain at the door, dive into your popcorn with both hands, and say "ooh aah" at the appropriate times and you'll be just fine. If you can do that, you'll get why this movie rates a "Just Decent" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.

REVIEW - Man with the Screaming Brain

Written & Directed by Bruce Campbell
90 Minutes - not rated

Would it be too horrible if I told you my feelings about this movie were of two minds? On one hand, Bruce Campbell is the man, he is god, this (and every other movie he has been in) is an awesome movie. On the other hand, I expected more.

That being said, I liked it immensely even though it is not a great film. It probably borders on a bad film, but with the performances of Campbell and Ted Raimi there is enough to keep a true fan watching until the credits roll. Stacey Keach obviously had a ton of fun as the mad scientist, and I enjoyed watching him with his crazy hair and his silly accent talking to the bust of his mentor.

Although there are plenty of people who won't enjoy it, I still give this movie a "Way Decent" and a "your loss if you hate it" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.

Optimus Prime can kiss my grits

There is a lot of buzz recently around the net about a new TV spot for the upcoming Transformers movie that reveals Optimus Prime has lips. For many, this seems to be the straw that broke the camel's back as far as whether or not they are going to spend the next few months talking shit about the movie before they go and see it anyway... cause we know they are going to see this movie in droves.

I got a straw for you - IT IS DIRECTED BY MICHAEL BAY!

That's all you need to know it sucks. Take that Eight bucks you have hiding under your pillow and go see Grindhouse today while it's still in theaters. Support good movies, ya doofs.

REVIEW - GRINDHOUSE

Some movies look so bad ass that even I--the agoraphobic film critic--have to see them on the big screen. I made one of my rare trips out of the house for the Rodriguez/Tarantino "hells yes"-fest I have been dying to see since way back in July 2006 when I witnessed the premiere of the machine gun leg at the 2006 Comic Con in San Diego. Now that I have seen Grindhouse I can only tell you that this movie sucks.

It sucks because ever since I saw it, no other movie even looks interesting to me. After seeing it, I spent the next few days pouring over every bit of Grindhouse discussion I could find on the Internet. I even read the reviews those blowhards at Ain't It Cool wrote. I couldn't get enough... hell, I still can't. Even now, 4 days later as I write this review, I am considering drugging my son so I can ditch my stay at home dad duties for 3 hours and 15 minutes (make it three and a half so I can get there early for snacks and a good seat) and take it all in again.

Grindhouse rules from frame one and rules more as it goes on (and on and on and on), and a big "Fuck You" to anyone who hasn't seen this movie yet (especially if you are one of those jerks paying money to keep Are We Done Yet? solid at the three spot). This movie is all you need. You will NEVER get as much for your entertainment dollar than at this film, and that's not because it's a double feature. I had my 8 bucks worth after the first faux trailer (Machete) and if the world had ended at that point I would have been burned to an apocalyptic crisp with a geek-happy smile from one ear to the other.

I'm not going to say much about Planet Terror since anyone who knows me knows I can not be partial when it comes to Robert Rodriguez (who should clone himself so he can make more movies) who incidentally knocked it out of the park with this one. Great cast. Great everything, even the peg-leg love. Hysterical.

If I had any reservations going into Grindhouse (besides the fear of panic attacks) was that I wouldn't like the Tarantino portion (Death Proof). This is not because I don't like his movies (quite the opposite) but when I saw the Grindhouse panel at Comic Con he came across to me as a magnanimous asshole, and I left thinking "screw this guy and his movies that are too nearly cut and paste jobs of movies he saw at that video store he worked at back in the day."

The only thing worse than walking into a bad movie that you have already decided you'll love (I'm looking at YOU Tim, AKA Ghost Rider-boy) is walking into a good movie that you are going to hate because it was made by someone who may or may not be a giant prick. Realistically, if I stopped watching movies that were made by jerks I'd have a hell of a lot more time on my hands.

But even if I wanted to hate Death Proof I couldn't because it was that damn good. Finally I get to see a movie with women who seriously kick some ass. Can't say enough about Zoe Bell.

She. Was. Awesome.

My only regret in regard to this movie is that I haven't seen it 8 times already, and that the only time I did see it I made the mistake of drinking a giant coke before I went and then getting another to enjoy during the movie. There are people who have criticised Quentin Tarantino for making his contribution too talky. I didn't mind too much as it afforded me the opportunity to pee without really missing any of the action.

Shockingly, Grindhouse rates an "Oh Hells Yes" on the Mr. Blunderson scale. Now get your ass out there and see it.

A Word from Big C vol. 4

Since its been a while since we've heard from Big C, I thought I'd give you a double dose today and give you his word on not one, but two flicks.

Hellboy Animated: Sword of Storms Big C couldn't say much beyond "Wow... especially if you like great big bodies with tiny little feet."

He also saw The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning and was surprised how much he missed Jessica Simpson. He was as shocked as anybody. There was also much more "nipple-age" than he expected.

Review - Evening Harder

by Mr. Blunderson

The follow up to Evening with Kevin Smith rules. That's all there is to it. The second disc (London Q&A) is worth the price alone. If you haven't already seen it, go and get a"portion" of Kevin Smith right now.

The only thing I can say beyond that is...

Half...

Half...

Whole.

A Word From Big C vol. 3

Big C dug up a little Canadian film from way back in 2006 called 5 Girls. The good news is that that he enjoyed it, and the bad news is that he says "it's not what you think." By you he meant me and my warped and twisted mind. Although to be fair, you probably thought the same thing I did. To clear things up, IMDB reports the tagline as "Five girls vs 2000 Demons. You do the math."

If Big C's recommendation along with that super great tagline don't have you making plans to see this movie before you do anything (and I mean anything) else, please consider that 5 Girls stars the legendary Ron Pearlman, so when you watch it you'll witness him saying things like "The devil is a liar, a trickster, and a thief... but he ain't a Latin major," as only he can.

REVIEW - The Holiday

Written & Directed by Nancy Meyers
Rated PG-13 - 138 minutes
Released December 8, 2006

If you know anything about my site, you know I generally only see movies that my wife brings home from the video store. This means I am always at her mercy. Most of the time she does a great job finding things I will at least enjoy. Then there is March 17, 2007. The day my wife brought home the worst movie I have seen in years.

The Holiday was too painful for either for us to watch to the end. We found ourselves skipping to the next scene before the first hour was over. At first it was only to skip past the tediousness of Cameron Diaz and her "boo hoo I've never shed a tear" happy crappy (gee, didn't see how that would end... NOT!). Eventually it was because it was too damn long and nothing had happened except for "blah, blah, blah."

This movie is all talk, and I like plenty of movies that are all talk. First of all, I would like to point out that not one of those movies are 138 minutes long. Secondly, those movies are INTERESTING! Nothing here even approached the realm of compelling. I couldn't relate to Cameron Diaz's character because she was a tired cliche played by a horrible actress, and I couldn't sympathize with Kate Winslet's character because she was hung up on a guy that was such a schmuck on screen he practically oozed sleaze. She talked about how great he was but there was never any evidence from the interaction we see between her and Jasper (his name was Jasper for godsake!) and that made her character come across as weak and dumb. If I wanted to see that I'd spend 138 minutes looking in the mirror. If you want to be in love with someone who is getting married fine, but can you please demonstrate ONE FUCKING REASON why anyone would like the guy. At the end of the film where she finally slams the door shut on the dumbass and proclaims she "has gumption" I nearly vomited.

And Jack Black... What the fuck happened there? I have always liked Jack Black, even when he was in horrible movies (cough King Kong cough). The guy on the screen here was not the real Jack Black but some horrible "stepford wives" version. I had heard he was "restrained" in this role, but nothing about his performance felt right. If he had been his "normal" self then at least there would be one good thing to say about The Holiday.

As for the 138 minutes... There are plenty of films coming out these days that could survive--even improve with a little trimming. You could literally whittle this down to two separate movies. Sadly, they would both totally suck. For that reason, The Holiday rates a "flat-out sucks" and a "don't bother" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.

REVIEW - Fast Food Nation

Directed by Richard Linklater
Written by Eric Schlosser & Richard Linklater
Rated R - 114 Minutes
Released Nov 17, 2006

Way decent cast, awesome director, intriguing premise, its hard to figure out how this film could go wrong. Pardon the horrible pun but Fast Food Nation may have bitten off more than it could chew. There is simply way too much they try to do. Watching this movie left me feeling like I had spent nearly 2 hours as a dodge ball target for the local pro team. The film meant well but my final analysis could have been spoken by Garth Algar in that it was like watching a "a big plate of hurl."

The fast food industry is evil, so is the meat packing industry, no one has to convince me of that. I also don't mind watching a movie about either, and I can't help but think that if Fast Food Nation had found a way to focus on one or the other it might have felt a little less jumbled by the time the credits rolled.

There is plenty of good stuff in here, especially Greg Kinnear who carries the film early on. Too bad his character disappears for the most of the final two thirds and that's when the movie looses a lot of what it had going for it. Wilmer Valderrama was a good fit for his dramatic role, and Luis Guzman and Kris Kristofferson are Luis Guzman & Kris Kristofferson but that is in no way a criticism. I would pay to watch a movie with just those two guys discussing economics.

Fast Food Nation would have been better as a 12 part series on PBS than a two hour movie. Props for the intentions behind Fast Food Nation, but in the end it gets a "Read the Book," on the Mr. Blunderson movie scale.