REVIEW - The Holiday

Written & Directed by Nancy Meyers
Rated PG-13 - 138 minutes
Released December 8, 2006

If you know anything about my site, you know I generally only see movies that my wife brings home from the video store. This means I am always at her mercy. Most of the time she does a great job finding things I will at least enjoy. Then there is March 17, 2007. The day my wife brought home the worst movie I have seen in years.

The Holiday was too painful for either for us to watch to the end. We found ourselves skipping to the next scene before the first hour was over. At first it was only to skip past the tediousness of Cameron Diaz and her "boo hoo I've never shed a tear" happy crappy (gee, didn't see how that would end... NOT!). Eventually it was because it was too damn long and nothing had happened except for "blah, blah, blah."

This movie is all talk, and I like plenty of movies that are all talk. First of all, I would like to point out that not one of those movies are 138 minutes long. Secondly, those movies are INTERESTING! Nothing here even approached the realm of compelling. I couldn't relate to Cameron Diaz's character because she was a tired cliche played by a horrible actress, and I couldn't sympathize with Kate Winslet's character because she was hung up on a guy that was such a schmuck on screen he practically oozed sleaze. She talked about how great he was but there was never any evidence from the interaction we see between her and Jasper (his name was Jasper for godsake!) and that made her character come across as weak and dumb. If I wanted to see that I'd spend 138 minutes looking in the mirror. If you want to be in love with someone who is getting married fine, but can you please demonstrate ONE FUCKING REASON why anyone would like the guy. At the end of the film where she finally slams the door shut on the dumbass and proclaims she "has gumption" I nearly vomited.

And Jack Black... What the fuck happened there? I have always liked Jack Black, even when he was in horrible movies (cough King Kong cough). The guy on the screen here was not the real Jack Black but some horrible "stepford wives" version. I had heard he was "restrained" in this role, but nothing about his performance felt right. If he had been his "normal" self then at least there would be one good thing to say about The Holiday.

As for the 138 minutes... There are plenty of films coming out these days that could survive--even improve with a little trimming. You could literally whittle this down to two separate movies. Sadly, they would both totally suck. For that reason, The Holiday rates a "flat-out sucks" and a "don't bother" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.