REVIEW - Jersey Girl

Written & Directed by Kevin Smith
Rated PG-13 - 102 minutes
Released March 26, 2004

I know I'm reaching well into the past for this one but it's a monkey I have to get off my back. I am a huge Kevin Smith fan. Every movie of his I have seen has been brilliant not to mention an instant addition to my pantheon of must-see films. Until tonight, I had seen all of his films except for Jersey Girl. I'll admit I avoided it because I was afraid I would not like it. Then where would I be?

After its brief theatrical run, it showed up on DVD and that caused even more concerns. In this case it was that the blurb exclamation point (BPE) to movie ratio was unacceptable. This is how it works: you pick up a DVD case (except in special cases) you have one movie in your hand. Turn it over and read the blurb. The more exclamation points contained in that blurb the more times you can imagine some cigar chomping suit telling his marketing department they need to "jazz it up" or "kick it up a notch." A good movie doesn't need anything Jazzy. The best BPE to movie ratio would be 0:1 (zero exclamation points to one movie). A 1:1 ratio is still acceptable. 2:1 is pushing it. 3:1 is Uwe Boll territory. Jersey Girl has a 2:1, so I avoided it for years.

But I digress...

Now that I've seen it, I'll tell you there is one Kevin Smith movie that won't be added to the pantheon, but still managed to be a decent film. To say Jersey Girl was a departure from Smith's earlier work would be an understatement. A departure of this magnitude took balls. Big, steely balls. And for that I applaud you (even if I did miss my chance to see you at comicon because you were stuck in traffic forcing me to spend the next 3 months crying myself to sleep). There are plenty of directors who will never make a film this good, even if their offerings bring more bank at the box office (I'm looking at you Mr. Bay).

My only beef with the film is that there were a few moments where the dialogue was substituted for a conversational montage. We see people talking, we see them reacting, we see a few cross-fades, but all we hear is music. These particular moments were important enough to me that not hearing the actual dialogue (as opposed to the hollow substitute) left me distanced from the a the film as a whole. Especially considering it was an opportunity to see these moments (even if they've been done before) as Kevin Smith would have done them. I especially felt robbed in a scene where Affleck's character was supposedly doing what he does best in front of an angry crowd feeling severely inconvenienced by something they really needed. The only other time we see Affleck being a publicist in the length of the film is a brief debacle that leads to him losing his job, it would have been a real triumph for this character to have had that opportunity to shine. Watching it transpire as it did, I couldn't believe Smith would do this to me...

I have been aware for some time that there is indeed an extended cut of this film.. As far as I knew it had only been shown at Vulgarthon events. With this limited knowledge I did a little digging on the Internet and from what I understand that cut does include Affleck's entire speech. But who knows if you can believe everything you read on the Internet, right? With the possibility of a Director's Cut DVD, I suppose I should wait until I see it to put my final judgement of this film to rest. But knowing that there is a version of the film that contains the entirety of the speech in question (perhaps to my relief), the thing I liked least about this film probably had more to do with studio interference than a filmmaker I worship, which means I have one less tirade to document here. But it does beg the question: who would give Kevin Smith a pile of money to make a movie and then insist on cuts when it gets too talky?

Again, I digress...

Seeing this film so far removed from the Gigli debacle and Bennifer train wreck, I have to admit that Jersey Girl did manage to be funny and charming, and even surprisingly touching. Not a perfect film, but far from the piece of utter crap I was afraid it might be. And shame on anyone who didn't give it a chance. Shame on me.

I suppose the lesson here is that you should probably never read a review of this film from a guy who would steal Kevin Smith's hair brush if it happened to have been left in a bathroom of an only mildly locked house. Shame on you.

On that note I'll leave you but not before giving Jersey Girl a rating of "Mostly Decent" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.

REVIEW - A Scanner Darkly

Directed by Richard Linklater
Written by Richard Linklater (adapted from the novel by Philip K Dick)
Rated R - 100 minutes
Released July 28, 2006

I've never read A Scanner Darkly, which is why despite having read and enjoyed a number of other works by Philip K Dick I hesitate to call myself a fan. A true fan would know this novel well, especially the personal nature of its story. I do appreciate the work of PKD enough to feel that his legacy could have been treated better by the Hollywood money machine. PKD as he appears on the written page isn't for everyone, which is a why a "faithful adaptation" looks and feels so much different than a movie by John Woo or Paul Verhoven. For me, that's a good thing.

It is safe to say that A Scanner Darkly will be seen by many as tedious, talky, preachy, and just plain weird since this film feels a lot more like what PKD is all about. It took nearly 10 minutes before my own brain was able to accept that this was going to be a character and dialogue driven film, but after that I was loving the ride.

The performances were solid and shined through the rotoscoped animation that was drawn over the original frames. The animation added the extra depth to the storytelling, scratching the surface of a medium too often in this country relegated for "kids stories" when in truth it could be used to tell any story.

A Scanner Darkly was poignant, sad, and wickedly funny. As soon as the credits rolled I was tempted to watch it again. Not to try and figure it out or anything like that. I enjoyed the whole experience of this film so much I simply didn't want it to end.

On the Mr. Blunderson Scale, A Scanner Darkly rates a "Your loss if you hate it."

REVIEW - Employee of the Month

Directed by Greg Coolidge
Written by Don Calame, Dane Cook, Greg Coolidge
Rated PG-13 - 108 minutes
Released Oct. 6, 2006

While I watched Employee of the Month, I thought a lot about things I had seen before. There isn't a whole lot of originality here, it's one of those movies that is so cliche it even has the obligatory crane shot immediately following the hero's triumph, and a sweet old grandma who shares sweet and innocent advice about love before reminding her grandson to "wash his balls." Funny yes, but I've seen it before, and I've seen it done so much better. This movie has so many things I do not like. Cookie cutter plot and characters, utter predictability, and worst of all Jessica Simpson.

So how is it that I didn't hate this movie? Most likely the cast... besides Jessica Simpson that is. Dane Cook may have been the hero but Dax Shepard was the star. As funny as his wrist brace was, I hope he was wearing a back brace as he did so much of the heavy lifting. The supporting cast provided a few laugh out loud moments, too bad they were relegated to being scenery and plot devices instead of flesh and blood dynamic organisms.

On the Mr. Blunderson scale, I give Employee of the Month a "why not?"

REVIEW - Idiocracy (brought to you by Carl's Jr.)

Directed by Mike Judge
Written by Mike Judge & Etan Cohen
Rated R - 84 Minutes
Released Sept. 3, 2006

As a disclaimer to this review, I will admit that this was a movie I really, really wanted to like. Sadly, Idiocracy wasted no time in throwing me under the bus. I suppose as a critic I shouldn't watch any film with expectations or preconceived notions, but I am not a professional critic, I'm at best a freelance wise ass. The last film Mike Judge made was Office Space which isn't so much a movie as an institution, in some places a religion. With that in mind please, please forgive me if I truly expected to show Idiocracy my O-face.

This is a film with a lot of great ideas. There aren't enough movies that have the balls to envision a future where stupidity reigns, which in my wholehearted opinion is indeed the likeliest of scenarios. My only beef with a society like that is it doesn't deserve to be saved, so the cornball ending presented here only served to irk me more.

Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph play a soldier and a hooker (can you guess who plays which?) who are frozen and forgotten, only to wake up 500 years later in a landscape where mountain ranges are unimaginable heaps of refuse and television's most popular show is about a guy who spends his life on the receiving end of the worst kinds of testicular punishment.

The moment we "arrive" in the future, Judge dials up the satire with the heaviest hand he could possibly find. I am all for satire, but it's really hard to do well and if a filmmaker doesn't play their cards right the effort can get lost in a preachy zealous jumble. At least he tried.

I can see why Mike Judge made this film. Living in America today without your rose-colored lenses can easily induce fits of rage and frustration. It's gotten to the point where looking away from one atrocity brings twelve more into focus. Idiocracy reeks with this frustration and for that I applaud the effort, despite the result. I might have appreciated this film more if it was 84 minutes of Mr. Judge screaming into a pillow.

The ideas that put this film in motion were lofty, but in the end the execution is where it suffers. It's amazing Mr. Judge was able to secure funds to make it at all, considering that a fair amount probably came from the kind of people he blasts with this narrative. For that Mike Judge, I salute you.

Principles and intentions aside, Idiocracy is not a good movie, a fact that wounds me to say. I will stick with Mike Judge, he's done me right more often than wrong. I'll watch anything else he throws my way. Besides, anyone who puts Maya Rudolph looking that sexy in a movie will always have my adoration.

On the Mr. Blunderson ratings scale, Idiocracy receives a "Meh."

REVIEW - The Black Dahlia

by Mr. Blunderson

Here is a movie that would have been better named The Blah Dahlia. Leave it to Brian De Palma to make one the most infamous unsolved crimes in our nations history boring. The characters in this film could have existed anywhere or even anytime, while the true story of Elizabeth Short feels tacked on and brushed aside until the end, where the film sadly only gets ridiculous.

There is a growing trend in Hollywood where filmmakers take pieces of history--already exciting, dramatic, and rich--only to use them as scenery for tedious fictional characters and standard cookie cutter plots. The Black Dahlia takes this to a whole new level, since the plot is so disjointed and yawn inducing. If you know anything about the historical aspects of this case, avoid this film like the plague. Nowhere in this movie will you find anything resembling the actual investigation or the many possible suspects. It seems to me there is plenty of room for suspense, drama, and intrigue if one were to draw from the actual history of the case.

The performances were a mixed bag, with the best coming from the smaller and supporting roles (Aaron Eckhart, Hillary Swank). Josh Hartnett continues to baffle me as to why he gets put in films at all. The less I see of him the better. In this case he comes across as a double whammy since he is not only the lead but the narrator as well (gotta love that noir). Scarlett Johansen was flat and uninteresting which disappointed me so much I might have to stop stalking her.

Bottom line is this movie was not engaging. On a good day it will only induce coma. Even the discovery of a grisly murder doesn't get your heart pumping since it gets buried in everything else that is going on. The film was too ambitious for its own good. Less could have been so much more. I'm half tempted to dig up the James Ellroy novel (from which this film was adapted) but I fear that I'll simply be forced to write yet another scathing review from the same drab source material.

I didn't hate everything about this movie. One thing Brian De Palma always delivers is a film that looks good. As far as period pieces go, The Black Dahlia is visually stunning. Watching it made me ache for my VHS copy of The Untouchables that I lost so many years ago. If only the script could have matched his vision.

On the Mr. Blunderson ratings scale, The Black Dahlia rates a "don't bother."