Oscar can suck my sack and would be left with a better taste in his mouth than I have after the show.
I HATE the Oscar show and its pretension. I hate their montages.
I hate ANY show that would have a memoriam for dead production assistants and then forget to honor people we have actually heard of. Like Brad Renfro of The Client Apt Pupil and Sleepers.
Two years ago, when I had a blog, I went off about their cutting winners short so they could show more montages. Or what would be more appropriately called DVD commercials. What a load of crap! Some people will never get that chance again. They pretend to honor them by giving them the gold dildo, but then slight them by basically saying, we don't care what you have to say. Because lets face it. It ain't about the winners. It's about what over indulgent actress wore the best dress.
Every time they announce the next presenter, lift the curtain, and queue music as the highest priced whore waddles up to the mic, I want to throw something.
Presenting has now become something that seems reserved for the highest bidder. HANNAH MONTANA!?! Who do I have to kill?
The ONLY highlight for me was Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. I can't even remember what they presented. But their little banter made Oscar a little cooler for a few seconds.
Only thing I can say good about this year. At least they didn't give a Best Picture or Best Song award to a bullet points memo.
Fuck Oscar!
Monday, February 26, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
REVIEW - Altered
Directed by Eduardo Sanchez
Written by Jamie Nash
Rated R
Released 19 December, 2006
There are few movies as polarizing as the Blair Witch Project. You either loved it and found it horrifying or you hated it and everyone involved. After making the film that resulted in the highest profit-to-cost ratio in the history of cinema, it would be an understatement to say that Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez had some tough expectations to live up to. 7 years later, half of the super duo (Sanchez) is back with a solid straight to DVD ditty that turns the tables on the standard alien abduction story.
There are a couple things you need for every good abduction movie: aliens of teh GREY variety(of course), abductees of the standard variety(preferably simpleton or rednecks), and the girlfriend who goes from skeptic to believer. All of those classic elements are right here. The twist is that this time, our simpleton/rednecks are the ones who did the abducting.
There was some room for a lot of psychological suspense and horror but it never quite manages to pull it off, even though it certainly comes close. Instead it regresses to our heroes being trapped in a small isolated location with a rampaging monster... something that has been done before. The characters are interesting enough to keep the scenario from feeling stale, and there is a great deal that is never clearly explained which is something I actually applaud the filmmakers for. I like movies that don't spell it all out. They say the devil is in the details and that is never more true than in horror, where that crisp explanation is where so many genre films turn dumb. This is not the case here.
Not to say this is high end art or intellectual entertainment. It is better than most direct to video horror and opens the doors for some fresh territory to be explored, something that alien abduction movies desperately need.
If you want to see abductees trying to go medieval on some alien ass, get yourself to the video store and and check out Altered which gets a "Way Decent" on the Mr. Blunderson scale. Also big props to Mr. Sanchez, who could have gone back to the well but had the balls to do something else.
Written by Jamie Nash
Rated R
Released 19 December, 2006
There are few movies as polarizing as the Blair Witch Project. You either loved it and found it horrifying or you hated it and everyone involved. After making the film that resulted in the highest profit-to-cost ratio in the history of cinema, it would be an understatement to say that Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez had some tough expectations to live up to. 7 years later, half of the super duo (Sanchez) is back with a solid straight to DVD ditty that turns the tables on the standard alien abduction story.
There are a couple things you need for every good abduction movie: aliens of teh GREY variety(of course), abductees of the standard variety(preferably simpleton or rednecks), and the girlfriend who goes from skeptic to believer. All of those classic elements are right here. The twist is that this time, our simpleton/rednecks are the ones who did the abducting.
There was some room for a lot of psychological suspense and horror but it never quite manages to pull it off, even though it certainly comes close. Instead it regresses to our heroes being trapped in a small isolated location with a rampaging monster... something that has been done before. The characters are interesting enough to keep the scenario from feeling stale, and there is a great deal that is never clearly explained which is something I actually applaud the filmmakers for. I like movies that don't spell it all out. They say the devil is in the details and that is never more true than in horror, where that crisp explanation is where so many genre films turn dumb. This is not the case here.
Not to say this is high end art or intellectual entertainment. It is better than most direct to video horror and opens the doors for some fresh territory to be explored, something that alien abduction movies desperately need.
If you want to see abductees trying to go medieval on some alien ass, get yourself to the video store and and check out Altered which gets a "Way Decent" on the Mr. Blunderson scale. Also big props to Mr. Sanchez, who could have gone back to the well but had the balls to do something else.
Friday, February 9, 2007
Three Kings
Well I am in a positive mood. So I thought I would do a positive review about a movie I positively enjoyed. One I am positive you will like as well.
Over this last week end, as I always do, I bought so some previously viewed DVD's. One film I picked up was Three Kings:
"In the aftermath of the Persian Gulf War, 4 soldiers set out to steal gold that was stolen from Kuwait, but they discover people who desperately need their help."
This film is a great blend of action, comedy, drama, and politics. Smartly written and shot. I saw it when it first came out in 1999. But found its subject matter more relevant today. I think both liberal, conservative, pro-Bush and anti-Bush will enjoy it. Because in the end, it's about people from different walks of life dealing with a crappy situation that has no easy fix.
Mark Wahlberg, George Clooney, and Ice-Cube make up the starring cast. They all play their roles very well.
The opening scene will make you laugh and maybe feel ashamed for having done so. But it is a great start to a movie that realizes the absurdity of the situation with out getting all Michael Moore on you. I found it strangely patriotic because it demonstrates what we as Americans are capable of. Both good and bad. Also, with out being preachy, through Mark Wahlbergs interrogation by an Iraqi solider, shows how similar we all are. Its not afraid to laugh at itself or take itself to serious, even though the subject matter is. Levity while dealing with heavy topics is hard to do in film. There is a fine line of being propaganda or just being absurd. Three Kings never crosses that, stays on point, and still entertains.
If you like Platoon, Black Hawk Down, Full Metal Jacket, or even Behind Enemy Lines. This flick belongs on your shelf.
Over this last week end, as I always do, I bought so some previously viewed DVD's. One film I picked up was Three Kings:
"In the aftermath of the Persian Gulf War, 4 soldiers set out to steal gold that was stolen from Kuwait, but they discover people who desperately need their help."
This film is a great blend of action, comedy, drama, and politics. Smartly written and shot. I saw it when it first came out in 1999. But found its subject matter more relevant today. I think both liberal, conservative, pro-Bush and anti-Bush will enjoy it. Because in the end, it's about people from different walks of life dealing with a crappy situation that has no easy fix.
Mark Wahlberg, George Clooney, and Ice-Cube make up the starring cast. They all play their roles very well.
The opening scene will make you laugh and maybe feel ashamed for having done so. But it is a great start to a movie that realizes the absurdity of the situation with out getting all Michael Moore on you. I found it strangely patriotic because it demonstrates what we as Americans are capable of. Both good and bad. Also, with out being preachy, through Mark Wahlbergs interrogation by an Iraqi solider, shows how similar we all are. Its not afraid to laugh at itself or take itself to serious, even though the subject matter is. Levity while dealing with heavy topics is hard to do in film. There is a fine line of being propaganda or just being absurd. Three Kings never crosses that, stays on point, and still entertains.
If you like Platoon, Black Hawk Down, Full Metal Jacket, or even Behind Enemy Lines. This flick belongs on your shelf.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Smokin' Aces
I haven't made it out to the movies much lately. So when I do, I try to make it a habit to see something I know will be good. Of course there are no guarantees.
This last week I got the chance to see 'Smokin' Aces'.
"When a Las Vegas performer-turned-snitch named Buddy 'Aces' Israel decides to turn state's evidence and testify against the mob, it seems that a whole lot of people would like to make sure he's no longer breathing."
When I first saw the previews for this in November of 2006 I was immediately sold. So when I sat down, I was ready for a great ride. I don't like reading a bunch of dribble, or hearing it for that matter, before some one gets to their point. Like when some schmuck over explains a joke and your cross eyed before they finish. So straight up. I LIKED THE FLICK.
Now on to my self righteous comments as if to say, I could have done it better. Cause that's what movie reviews are, right? Like the old saying goes. Those who can, make movies. Those who can't, write movie review blogs.
When the movie first started the caution sign went up in my head. Almost as bright as the cell phone screen of the guy sitting in front of me who paid $7.50 to sit in a theatre and text message the girl or guy stupid enough to date him. By the way, YOU SUCK CELL PHONE GUY!
My feelings of caution and reserve went up because the film started in the super cool in the know trendy way. You know, where they talk you through what came before while showing random clips accompanied by super groovy percussion music. The kind that makes you wonder, is this movie to cool for me. Am I worthy. I see it in a lot of movies now since Scorsese's GoodFellas. I have to admit, it wasn't until after ten minutes into the film that the voice over stopped sounding like the adults in Charlie Brown cartoons. I just tuned it out and watched the pretty pictures, until the movie started. After all, I did pay to SEE a movie, not a book on tape.
When the action did begin and the movie moved to present tense, instead of acting like the opening scroll of a Star Wars flick, things got fun. The story really moves along. The characters, all played by a great cast, seemed to have a third dimension to them. Jason Bateman for me, with what little screen time he had, stole the show. He is one of those cases where less is more. But who am I kidding. He will probably have 100 minutes of deleted scenes on the DVD.
I was also very happy to see Ryan Reynolds show his range as an actor and not a frat boy. I am a big fan of his and even a bigger one now. I just hope he doesn't pull a Jim Carey and take it all TO serious. When the film opens with Ray Liotta and him doing some surveillance in their FBI van, the banter between them is great. I was disappointed there wasn't more of that. But again, this may have been a case of less is more.
One of the best sequences of the film was the Ray Liotta shoot out in the elevator with the imposter. Another stand out scene was the bondsman's encounter with one of the Tremor boys toward the end of the film. That really had me and the whole audience laughing.
For me, a weak part of the film, was the damn melancholy music they kept playing while we watched Buddy 'Aces' Israel self destruct. The type of music usually reserved for characters we want to feel bad for. I not only did not feel sorry for this character, but I found him a little distracting from the rest of the 'coolness' going on onscreen.
The film ended with more talking as they wrapped up the surprise ending, that really didn't matter to me. The end also gave Reynolds a chance to showcase his acting chops even though his character's final act was a little melodramatic.
All in all, a flawed film that can still be enjoyed and one I will own on DVD.
Tremor Boys t-shirts? Coming soon to a Hot Topic near you......you watch.
This last week I got the chance to see 'Smokin' Aces'.
"When a Las Vegas performer-turned-snitch named Buddy 'Aces' Israel decides to turn state's evidence and testify against the mob, it seems that a whole lot of people would like to make sure he's no longer breathing."
When I first saw the previews for this in November of 2006 I was immediately sold. So when I sat down, I was ready for a great ride. I don't like reading a bunch of dribble, or hearing it for that matter, before some one gets to their point. Like when some schmuck over explains a joke and your cross eyed before they finish. So straight up. I LIKED THE FLICK.
Now on to my self righteous comments as if to say, I could have done it better. Cause that's what movie reviews are, right? Like the old saying goes. Those who can, make movies. Those who can't, write movie review blogs.
When the movie first started the caution sign went up in my head. Almost as bright as the cell phone screen of the guy sitting in front of me who paid $7.50 to sit in a theatre and text message the girl or guy stupid enough to date him. By the way, YOU SUCK CELL PHONE GUY!
My feelings of caution and reserve went up because the film started in the super cool in the know trendy way. You know, where they talk you through what came before while showing random clips accompanied by super groovy percussion music. The kind that makes you wonder, is this movie to cool for me. Am I worthy. I see it in a lot of movies now since Scorsese's GoodFellas. I have to admit, it wasn't until after ten minutes into the film that the voice over stopped sounding like the adults in Charlie Brown cartoons. I just tuned it out and watched the pretty pictures, until the movie started. After all, I did pay to SEE a movie, not a book on tape.
When the action did begin and the movie moved to present tense, instead of acting like the opening scroll of a Star Wars flick, things got fun. The story really moves along. The characters, all played by a great cast, seemed to have a third dimension to them. Jason Bateman for me, with what little screen time he had, stole the show. He is one of those cases where less is more. But who am I kidding. He will probably have 100 minutes of deleted scenes on the DVD.
I was also very happy to see Ryan Reynolds show his range as an actor and not a frat boy. I am a big fan of his and even a bigger one now. I just hope he doesn't pull a Jim Carey and take it all TO serious. When the film opens with Ray Liotta and him doing some surveillance in their FBI van, the banter between them is great. I was disappointed there wasn't more of that. But again, this may have been a case of less is more.
One of the best sequences of the film was the Ray Liotta shoot out in the elevator with the imposter. Another stand out scene was the bondsman's encounter with one of the Tremor boys toward the end of the film. That really had me and the whole audience laughing.
For me, a weak part of the film, was the damn melancholy music they kept playing while we watched Buddy 'Aces' Israel self destruct. The type of music usually reserved for characters we want to feel bad for. I not only did not feel sorry for this character, but I found him a little distracting from the rest of the 'coolness' going on onscreen.
The film ended with more talking as they wrapped up the surprise ending, that really didn't matter to me. The end also gave Reynolds a chance to showcase his acting chops even though his character's final act was a little melodramatic.
All in all, a flawed film that can still be enjoyed and one I will own on DVD.
Tremor Boys t-shirts? Coming soon to a Hot Topic near you......you watch.
Sunday, February 4, 2007
REVIEW - The Descent
Written & Directed by Neil Marshall
Unrated - 99 Minutes
Released Aug 8, 2005
I'm not convinced that the unrated cut is always the better one. In the case of The Descent, the unrated version was how the film showed originally in the UK more than a year before a slightly trimmed version hit theaters here in the US, I'll take the unrated version any day of the week.
I'm also concerned about contemporary horror, and had my doubts as to whether The Descent could actually deliver something new and interesting. I don't know how long I can put this off so I'll just say it right here: I LOVED THIS MOVIE.
It wastes no time showing us how brutal this film will be, pulling absolutely no punches. It dives in headfirst, telling us only what we need to know to stay riveted to the screen. It presents us with kick-ass women characters that are interesting enough that we don't have to see their breasts to care about them. I especially liked Sarah (played by Shauna MacDonald), her tough but haunted journey, and the metaphors the thrill-seeking trip represent in relation to her own recent life experiences.
There aren't enough movies that leave you thinking, especially recent horror films which seem to spend far too much time spelling everything out. The Descent is unique in that there is plenty of room for interpretation thus plenty to think about, yet presented in a way that it won't confound a viewer who simply wants to see this as a popcorn movie.
The best part about this movie is that I finally get a horror flick that was scary. I jumped, I cringed, I fretted, I even felt the room I was watching the movie in got smaller as the film progressed. For that I rate The Descent a "Oh Hells Yes" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.
Unrated - 99 Minutes
Released Aug 8, 2005
I'm not convinced that the unrated cut is always the better one. In the case of The Descent, the unrated version was how the film showed originally in the UK more than a year before a slightly trimmed version hit theaters here in the US, I'll take the unrated version any day of the week.
I'm also concerned about contemporary horror, and had my doubts as to whether The Descent could actually deliver something new and interesting. I don't know how long I can put this off so I'll just say it right here: I LOVED THIS MOVIE.
It wastes no time showing us how brutal this film will be, pulling absolutely no punches. It dives in headfirst, telling us only what we need to know to stay riveted to the screen. It presents us with kick-ass women characters that are interesting enough that we don't have to see their breasts to care about them. I especially liked Sarah (played by Shauna MacDonald), her tough but haunted journey, and the metaphors the thrill-seeking trip represent in relation to her own recent life experiences.
There aren't enough movies that leave you thinking, especially recent horror films which seem to spend far too much time spelling everything out. The Descent is unique in that there is plenty of room for interpretation thus plenty to think about, yet presented in a way that it won't confound a viewer who simply wants to see this as a popcorn movie.
The best part about this movie is that I finally get a horror flick that was scary. I jumped, I cringed, I fretted, I even felt the room I was watching the movie in got smaller as the film progressed. For that I rate The Descent a "Oh Hells Yes" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
REVIEW - Slither
Written & Directed by James Gunn
Rated R - 94 Minutes
Released March 31, 2006
I'm still trying to figure out if this film got comedy in my horror, or horror in my comedy. Either way, it worked. The tragedy of a film like this is that it is too graphic to be appreciated by the mass audiences. But who loves a product that wasn't tailored for mass consumption more than me? Anyone? Call me sentimental but Slither had me at "Hello." The cast was great, the sauce was flying, and I was giggling for nearly the entire movie.
The only negative I could muster for this film is that it underscores the sad state that is the contemporary horror genre. There are basically three kinds of horror movies being made these days: the zombie flick, the shocker, and what I like to call the PG-13 crapfest. This movie definitely falls into the first category, while technically not a zombie flick, it has enough similarity that it became difficult to forget that this movie was written and directed by the guy who wrote the Dawn of the Dead remake. Luckily there is more to Slither than watching our heroes escape the mindless hordes.
Slither is a silly and disgusting movie that pulls no punches. On the Mr. Blunderson scale I give it a "Oh Hells Yes."
Rated R - 94 Minutes
Released March 31, 2006
I'm still trying to figure out if this film got comedy in my horror, or horror in my comedy. Either way, it worked. The tragedy of a film like this is that it is too graphic to be appreciated by the mass audiences. But who loves a product that wasn't tailored for mass consumption more than me? Anyone? Call me sentimental but Slither had me at "Hello." The cast was great, the sauce was flying, and I was giggling for nearly the entire movie.
The only negative I could muster for this film is that it underscores the sad state that is the contemporary horror genre. There are basically three kinds of horror movies being made these days: the zombie flick, the shocker, and what I like to call the PG-13 crapfest. This movie definitely falls into the first category, while technically not a zombie flick, it has enough similarity that it became difficult to forget that this movie was written and directed by the guy who wrote the Dawn of the Dead remake. Luckily there is more to Slither than watching our heroes escape the mindless hordes.
Slither is a silly and disgusting movie that pulls no punches. On the Mr. Blunderson scale I give it a "Oh Hells Yes."
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