I have been thinking a lot about bad sequels. I suppose it's hard to bring this topic up without a mention of the Matrix debacle and the Star Wars prequels, but are those really the worst sequels ever made? Perhaps they are in a class of their own, with so many seemingly resting their hopes and dreams upon those particular movies not being complete suck-fests.
Consulting several lists online, I notice one film that appears to be a universal consensus as a horrible sequel is the third Karate Kid movie. This surprises me, since I have recently come to believe that it is actually The Karate Kid, Part II that might be the worst sequel ever.
First of all, let us revisit The Karate Kid. This was a quintessential 80's movie. Cliche's aplenty, certainly dated, but at the time it was an undeniable classic.
New kid in town, lives on the wrong side of the tracks (or in this case Reseda), falls for a girl who has a dick boyfriend, girl is clearly above his lowly rung on the social ladder (her parents are members of the country club for god sakes), kid has to learn to fight with the help of an improbable mentor (why this guy is a handyman at those crappy apartments is beyond me) and overcome all odds to be the best, around, nothings ever going to keep him down... (sorry. Thank you Joe Esposito for that awesome song, although I must admit I'm not sure what you were trying to say there...) Oh right, and I forgot to mention that the kid gets the girl, loses the girl, and then gets her back before facing her dick ex-boyfriend in the karate tournament finals by using some strange, mysterious, super awesome move called the "crane technique" which in hindsight probably was only impressive to anyone who had never seen a movie with actual karate in it.
The second film was highly anticipated. Even as a kid I was ostracized by my peers for thinking that Part II wasn't the best movie ever made. I have since come to believe it is one of the worst.
First of all, it spends way too much time in the opening minutes re-capping what had happened in the first film. How many people missed the first 20 minutes of Part II and had never seen the first film and thought to themselves "what the hell? I can't follow this convoluted Dickensian plot." How many? Really?
Then we get several minutes of what happened directly after the first film. Since the evil sensei needs some further humiliation and Daniel hasn't earned enough respect from the kids in the Cobra Kai, Mr. Miyagi demonstrates he can kick someones ass with out throwing a punch, just moving out of the way at the right time.
Fast forward six months and we get some contrived BS that explains why Elizabeth Shue isn't in the sequel. They spent so much time in the first film proving her character is a girl who isn't into superficial crap that it only makes sense that on prom night she'd wreck Daniel's car then run off with a UCLA football player. Perfect sense.
They also take time explaining why Randee Heller, who played the mom in part one, isn't in the sequel. This involves her getting a job in Fresno. Wow, that's a lot of exposition. A lot. I think most people were concerned about how the Karate Kid would survive in Fresno. Luckily, Mr. Miyagi saves the day when it is revealed he is building an addition to his house so Daniel can stay with him. Everything is going to be okay.
But that's all just a subterfuge. Before that scene is even over Mr. Miyagi gets a blast from the past and has to go back home to Okinawa for his dying father and to perhaps resolve a dispute with his former best friend Plotty McDevice. No not really, his friends name is Sato, and true to the original nature of this film he is also and evil land developer. GASP!
Sato is one of those villains who used to be a good guy until someone sullied his honor. The good news is, it was Mr. Miyagi who did the dishonoring. The bad news, is that Daniel comes along to Okinawa to basically rehash everything that "worked" with the first film, including finding the Okinawa equivalent of Johnny Lawrence.
The best part is that the film ends with a massive storm (Pacific Storm Lame Plot Device) which allows Sato to be rescued by Mr. Miyagi and decide he is tired of being the evil land developer. The storm is so serious the town has a tiny girl climb up a tower to sound the alarm bell so everyone can seek shelter. For some reason the girl stayed in the tower and nearly dies, but is saved by Daniel who didn't get help form Sato's nephew who is then disowned by Sato so that the nephew can have a fight to the death with Daniel in the film's final moments.
Seriously? I wonder what Daniel's mom thought of all this. She's away in Fresno, trying to eek out some sort of life and her son who she left behind has not only decided to blow most of his college money on a plane ticket to Okinawa but while there is involved in one ass kicking after another. Sure Daniel got the better of his rival a few times, but what does this say about parenting? Mr Miyagi stands by while Daniel enters a fight to the death. Now there's some responsibility. Good thing everybody brought their pellet drums or Daniel might have been in some real trouble.
In the final battle, because Sato's nephew isn't bad enough he beats up Daniels Okinawa girlfriend and threatens her with a knife to lure Daniel into the battle to the death. When Daniel finally joins the fight he gets the support of the entire village who play their pellet drums so Daniel can execute the "drum technique" (exponentially lamer than the crane technique) and defeat/humiliate the nephew much like Miyagi did to the evil sensei at the beginning of the film.
Is it any mystery why The Karate Kid, Part II gets my vote for the worst sequel ever?
But that's just my 2 cents. I sure I'm not the only one around here with a strong opinion on the matter
-Mr Blunderson
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
New Beginnings
With January 1st 2009 a couple of days away, I decided on a film topic I will call "New Beginnings".
I place a "New Beginnings" film in the same category of the "Feel Good" movie. A film with likable characters getting a second chance in life.
New Year's day has always been associated with a new start or new beginning. People make resolutions to improve certain aspects in their lives and try to put the past behind them. Even though the best time to improve is always now.
First I want to examine the formula of a "Feel Good" movie. This is the type of film that starts with likable characters going through some kind of common hardship. Low income is often the easiest dilemma for an audience to relate to.
Depending on how heavy the movie is, the first act is spent identifying the hardship, learning who the victims are, and who or what the objective is. A heavy movie will often take 30 to 40 minutes before presenting the characters with a way out of their situation. A lighter "New Beginnings" or "Feel Good" movie like Richard Pryor's Brewster's Millions or Eddie Murphy's Trading Places will do it with in 30 minutes. In those two films the main character is presented with an opportunity to make lots of money after accomplishing certain goals.
Once the goals or objectives have been laid out, the second act or next 30 minutes are spent watching the character accomplishing the tasks put before him/her. The main character will do things to make him/her more endearing by helping some one even less fortunate than they.
The third act or last 30 minutes is spent with the main character or hero reevaluating whats really important. Sometimes they achieve the presented goal or the true goal is revealed.
Brewster's Millions and Trading Places are great movies about second chances. But one of my favorites and a forgotten classic is the 1983 film, Max Dugan Returns.
A GREAT movie with LITTLE fanfare, Max Dugan Returns features the film debut of Matthew Broderick. It also features Marsha Mason who stars in one of my all time favorite movies, The Goodbye Girl. But I will save that movie for my Valentines Day Movie edition.
Prices are double. Your life's in trouble. The car won't start. Your boss has no heart. The Door squeaks. The roof leaks. Your stereo just went mono. All you need is a little Max Dugan.
It's time to feel good again.
Jason Robards plays con-man, Max Dugan, who is on the run and seeks out his daughter Nora, played by Marsha Mason. To give her and her son, played by Matthew Broderick, his estate. Money he laundered for and then took from the mob. Nora is a teacher down on her luck who is dating a police officer, played by Donald Sutherland, who begins to sense something suspicious about her new found wealth. Nora wants no part of the money but excepts the association of her estranged father as his last dying wish.
Max Dugan Returns follows the formula of the "Feel Good" movie I discussed above. But unlike Brewster's Millions and Trading Places, there is no over the top laughs or popular actors of the time. Jason Robards, Donald Sutherland, and Marsha Mason are exceptional, but neither had the box office draw of Eddie Murphy or Richard Pryor.
Written by Neil Simon, Max Dugan Returns relies on clever wit and banter. Not yelling banter with the F word as a crutch. But scripted dialogue that is written and delivered realistically. Each actor plays their role as though they are playing themselves. Allowing you to enjoy the movie and not taking you out of it with over acting or grand standing. Each actor plays off each other well. You never get the feeling of "What's my line again?" Broderick is subtly charming and an obvious star in the making.
Max Dugan Returns plays well with the hope we all have of suddenly acquiring a huge fortune and erasing our financial woes. I loved it when I was a kid and find that the movie still holds up today.
There is never a New Years Eve party or talk of Christmas for that matter. But if you want a movie for the whole family that isn't dumb. That presents "New Beginnings" and some "Feel Good" with out being corny, Max Dugan Returns is what I recommend.
I hope we discover, as Nora did, that "New Beginnings" don't always have to follow the acquisition of a small fortune. I hope in 2009 we can all make the changes necessary to enrich our lives and help us feel fulfilled.
Happy New Year!
I place a "New Beginnings" film in the same category of the "Feel Good" movie. A film with likable characters getting a second chance in life.
New Year's day has always been associated with a new start or new beginning. People make resolutions to improve certain aspects in their lives and try to put the past behind them. Even though the best time to improve is always now.
First I want to examine the formula of a "Feel Good" movie. This is the type of film that starts with likable characters going through some kind of common hardship. Low income is often the easiest dilemma for an audience to relate to.
Depending on how heavy the movie is, the first act is spent identifying the hardship, learning who the victims are, and who or what the objective is. A heavy movie will often take 30 to 40 minutes before presenting the characters with a way out of their situation. A lighter "New Beginnings" or "Feel Good" movie like Richard Pryor's Brewster's Millions or Eddie Murphy's Trading Places will do it with in 30 minutes. In those two films the main character is presented with an opportunity to make lots of money after accomplishing certain goals.
Once the goals or objectives have been laid out, the second act or next 30 minutes are spent watching the character accomplishing the tasks put before him/her. The main character will do things to make him/her more endearing by helping some one even less fortunate than they.
The third act or last 30 minutes is spent with the main character or hero reevaluating whats really important. Sometimes they achieve the presented goal or the true goal is revealed.
Brewster's Millions and Trading Places are great movies about second chances. But one of my favorites and a forgotten classic is the 1983 film, Max Dugan Returns.
A GREAT movie with LITTLE fanfare, Max Dugan Returns features the film debut of Matthew Broderick. It also features Marsha Mason who stars in one of my all time favorite movies, The Goodbye Girl. But I will save that movie for my Valentines Day Movie edition.
Prices are double. Your life's in trouble. The car won't start. Your boss has no heart. The Door squeaks. The roof leaks. Your stereo just went mono. All you need is a little Max Dugan.
It's time to feel good again.
Jason Robards plays con-man, Max Dugan, who is on the run and seeks out his daughter Nora, played by Marsha Mason. To give her and her son, played by Matthew Broderick, his estate. Money he laundered for and then took from the mob. Nora is a teacher down on her luck who is dating a police officer, played by Donald Sutherland, who begins to sense something suspicious about her new found wealth. Nora wants no part of the money but excepts the association of her estranged father as his last dying wish.
Max Dugan Returns follows the formula of the "Feel Good" movie I discussed above. But unlike Brewster's Millions and Trading Places, there is no over the top laughs or popular actors of the time. Jason Robards, Donald Sutherland, and Marsha Mason are exceptional, but neither had the box office draw of Eddie Murphy or Richard Pryor.
Written by Neil Simon, Max Dugan Returns relies on clever wit and banter. Not yelling banter with the F word as a crutch. But scripted dialogue that is written and delivered realistically. Each actor plays their role as though they are playing themselves. Allowing you to enjoy the movie and not taking you out of it with over acting or grand standing. Each actor plays off each other well. You never get the feeling of "What's my line again?" Broderick is subtly charming and an obvious star in the making.
Max Dugan Returns plays well with the hope we all have of suddenly acquiring a huge fortune and erasing our financial woes. I loved it when I was a kid and find that the movie still holds up today.
There is never a New Years Eve party or talk of Christmas for that matter. But if you want a movie for the whole family that isn't dumb. That presents "New Beginnings" and some "Feel Good" with out being corny, Max Dugan Returns is what I recommend.
I hope we discover, as Nora did, that "New Beginnings" don't always have to follow the acquisition of a small fortune. I hope in 2009 we can all make the changes necessary to enrich our lives and help us feel fulfilled.
Happy New Year!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Rankin Bass
When I was a kid, because of the religious beliefs of my parents, I didn't have Christmas. But everyone else around me did, including other members of my extended family. I had a love hate feeling for the Holiday Season.
I hated Christmas because I couldn't participate in the fun at school. Or know the thrill of waking up Christmas morning with new toys under the tree. But I liked getting out of class to hear my class mates murder Christmas songs in some horribly presented assembly. I liked the 2 weeks vacation we used to get. I loved seeing Christmas lights at night. I loved the overall feeling that seemed to be in the air during the Christmas time of year.
What little Christmas tradition I did get when I was a kid was in the form of Rankin Bass animated Christmas specials. Back in the 70's and 80's before EVERYTHING was available on home video, the only time to watch Rudolf The Red Nose Reindeer, Santa Claus Is Coming To Town and the like was during the month of December. Before the days of 100 plus cable channels, the Rankin Bass Christmas specials were a true event because you often only had one night or two to see them. Since my parents didn't celebrate, it wasn't like I could record them and watch them at my leisure through out the year.
So for one night or two a year I was pulled into Christmas bliss. The RB specials served to influence my love for animation early on. Especially since they used props that looked more like toys and dolls rather than drawn or clay. They would influence me, as the original King Kong and Sinbad movies did, to later produce my own movies. Model/toy animation being my favorite animated genre to produce.
For reasons beyond my understanding, not all the RB specials have made it to DVD. One in particular is The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus. Based LOOSELY on L Frank Baum's 1902 book of the same name. With the creator of the Wizard Of Oz writing, it's only natural that his take on Claus would be even more fantasy than previous takes on the red suited fat guy. I have to admit, I didn't come across this one until I was in my adult life. It was produced in 1985 and I was in High School at that time. So the RB specials had lost their magic for awhile, for me anyway.
The premise of The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus is that the world needs Santa Claus. But how can his work continue if he is mortal. So a council is formed by characters looking like those out of a Tolkien novel to decide why Claus deserves the gift of immortality. I think its an interesting story executed very well, even though it is a loose adaption.
When watching this movie, you have to keep in mind this story, as do the Oz books, predate Tolkien Middle Earth. BUT, The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus came after Rankin Bass' The Hobbit and Return Of The King animated movies. Which obviously influenced their designs.
Every couple of years you MIGHT come across The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus on the ABC Family Channel. Problem is that ABC Family Channel has no respect or love for these specials and edit the crap out of them. Sometimes even omitting entire songs. For ABC these specials serve as the glue between commercial breaks.
The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus is a landmark film in that its Rankin Bass' last Animagic movie and the end of an era. Why would studios produce new animated films of this nature, since all they had to do was air these every year. Then CGI came and now they could produce a bastardized version of the model/toy animation of Rankin Bass classics.
The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus is also a landmark in that it's a much darker Claus movie than previous Rankin Bass toons. It has an almost Lord Of The Rings feel to it. It has some great character designs and one of the best model/toy fairy animation puppets ever made. It is also the first RB movie to have no celebrity voice narration.
If you hit eBay looking for this lost classic, you can find the original VHS release for $30 to $100. Ouch! Personally, I wouldn't pay that unless you plan on transferring it to DVD. Remember, VHS degrades if it is played or not, so just because it's a new copy that doesn't mean it won't look a little washed out. That is just the way the VHS format is. There has been an online push for a DVD release of The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus and ABC Family Channel only aired it once this year. So who knows, maybe they are going to finally release it next year on DVD.
A lot of people forget that purchasing a DVD is like casting a vote. If enough people purchase a type of DVD, the suits see that and want to cash in on that market and produce more like it. If we go out and purchased the Rankin Bass classics, rather than just watching the cut versions with commercials on cable , the numbers would justify them releasing The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus on DVD.
So far, one of the best Rankin Bass DVD releases has been another seasonal gem called the Mad Monster Party from 1967. Its a Halloween Animagic classic that Tim Burton would rip off for years to come. The Anchor Bay release is not only a great transfer, but it comes with a great 23 page behind the scenes book inside.
Cast your vote for the release of The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus DVD and buy a Rankin Bass DVD this holiday season.
A Side Note:
As you know, TNFS' purpose is to create new interest in film by looking to its forgotten past. I didn't make it clear, but Rankin Bass films are a perfect case for that. Since their movies serve as the model for every Tim Burton animated film. 'Nuf said.
I hated Christmas because I couldn't participate in the fun at school. Or know the thrill of waking up Christmas morning with new toys under the tree. But I liked getting out of class to hear my class mates murder Christmas songs in some horribly presented assembly. I liked the 2 weeks vacation we used to get. I loved seeing Christmas lights at night. I loved the overall feeling that seemed to be in the air during the Christmas time of year.
What little Christmas tradition I did get when I was a kid was in the form of Rankin Bass animated Christmas specials. Back in the 70's and 80's before EVERYTHING was available on home video, the only time to watch Rudolf The Red Nose Reindeer, Santa Claus Is Coming To Town and the like was during the month of December. Before the days of 100 plus cable channels, the Rankin Bass Christmas specials were a true event because you often only had one night or two to see them. Since my parents didn't celebrate, it wasn't like I could record them and watch them at my leisure through out the year.
So for one night or two a year I was pulled into Christmas bliss. The RB specials served to influence my love for animation early on. Especially since they used props that looked more like toys and dolls rather than drawn or clay. They would influence me, as the original King Kong and Sinbad movies did, to later produce my own movies. Model/toy animation being my favorite animated genre to produce.
For reasons beyond my understanding, not all the RB specials have made it to DVD. One in particular is The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus. Based LOOSELY on L Frank Baum's 1902 book of the same name. With the creator of the Wizard Of Oz writing, it's only natural that his take on Claus would be even more fantasy than previous takes on the red suited fat guy. I have to admit, I didn't come across this one until I was in my adult life. It was produced in 1985 and I was in High School at that time. So the RB specials had lost their magic for awhile, for me anyway.
The premise of The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus is that the world needs Santa Claus. But how can his work continue if he is mortal. So a council is formed by characters looking like those out of a Tolkien novel to decide why Claus deserves the gift of immortality. I think its an interesting story executed very well, even though it is a loose adaption.
When watching this movie, you have to keep in mind this story, as do the Oz books, predate Tolkien Middle Earth. BUT, The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus came after Rankin Bass' The Hobbit and Return Of The King animated movies. Which obviously influenced their designs.
Every couple of years you MIGHT come across The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus on the ABC Family Channel. Problem is that ABC Family Channel has no respect or love for these specials and edit the crap out of them. Sometimes even omitting entire songs. For ABC these specials serve as the glue between commercial breaks.
The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus is a landmark film in that its Rankin Bass' last Animagic movie and the end of an era. Why would studios produce new animated films of this nature, since all they had to do was air these every year. Then CGI came and now they could produce a bastardized version of the model/toy animation of Rankin Bass classics.
The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus is also a landmark in that it's a much darker Claus movie than previous Rankin Bass toons. It has an almost Lord Of The Rings feel to it. It has some great character designs and one of the best model/toy fairy animation puppets ever made. It is also the first RB movie to have no celebrity voice narration.
If you hit eBay looking for this lost classic, you can find the original VHS release for $30 to $100. Ouch! Personally, I wouldn't pay that unless you plan on transferring it to DVD. Remember, VHS degrades if it is played or not, so just because it's a new copy that doesn't mean it won't look a little washed out. That is just the way the VHS format is. There has been an online push for a DVD release of The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus and ABC Family Channel only aired it once this year. So who knows, maybe they are going to finally release it next year on DVD.
A lot of people forget that purchasing a DVD is like casting a vote. If enough people purchase a type of DVD, the suits see that and want to cash in on that market and produce more like it. If we go out and purchased the Rankin Bass classics, rather than just watching the cut versions with commercials on cable , the numbers would justify them releasing The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus on DVD.
So far, one of the best Rankin Bass DVD releases has been another seasonal gem called the Mad Monster Party from 1967. Its a Halloween Animagic classic that Tim Burton would rip off for years to come. The Anchor Bay release is not only a great transfer, but it comes with a great 23 page behind the scenes book inside.
Cast your vote for the release of The Life And Adventures Of Santa Claus DVD and buy a Rankin Bass DVD this holiday season.
A Side Note:
As you know, TNFS' purpose is to create new interest in film by looking to its forgotten past. I didn't make it clear, but Rankin Bass films are a perfect case for that. Since their movies serve as the model for every Tim Burton animated film. 'Nuf said.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Review - Role Models
by Mr. Blunderson
-possible spoilers-
It was a Thanksgiving miracle. A miracle because the other occasions the entire staff of Cirque du Jerks ventured out to the theater together we saw awful, awful movies.
Role Models would be the polar opposite.
I know Hero Stew hasn't written a review of this one because this movie had him at the first KISS reference. To be honest, I am certainly not less biased although that has more to do with a severe man crush on Paul Rudd than it does with one of the most awesome rock bands to ever walk the face of the earth, but who really needs to know all that?
Role Models is the brash, crude, and unapologetic tale of a couple of guys (played by Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott) who end up doing community service to avoid jail time. The two (who incidentally should not be allowed near anyone's children) end up paired up with two kids with problems of their own... but you know what? None of that really matters.
What does matter is that this movie features Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott being hysterical, a little kid who drops the f-bomb more than I do, Mclovin nerding it UP a notch, the innate dangers of energy drinks, dorks with swords, Dr. Ken, Joe Lo Truglio, and one of the funniest nutshots I've ever seen.
Do I even have to tell you that Role Models gets an Oh Hells Yes on the Mr. Blunderson scale? Well it does. Boy howdy, does it ever.
-possible spoilers-
It was a Thanksgiving miracle. A miracle because the other occasions the entire staff of Cirque du Jerks ventured out to the theater together we saw awful, awful movies.
Role Models would be the polar opposite.
I know Hero Stew hasn't written a review of this one because this movie had him at the first KISS reference. To be honest, I am certainly not less biased although that has more to do with a severe man crush on Paul Rudd than it does with one of the most awesome rock bands to ever walk the face of the earth, but who really needs to know all that?
Role Models is the brash, crude, and unapologetic tale of a couple of guys (played by Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott) who end up doing community service to avoid jail time. The two (who incidentally should not be allowed near anyone's children) end up paired up with two kids with problems of their own... but you know what? None of that really matters.
What does matter is that this movie features Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott being hysterical, a little kid who drops the f-bomb more than I do, Mclovin nerding it UP a notch, the innate dangers of energy drinks, dorks with swords, Dr. Ken, Joe Lo Truglio, and one of the funniest nutshots I've ever seen.
Do I even have to tell you that Role Models gets an Oh Hells Yes on the Mr. Blunderson scale? Well it does. Boy howdy, does it ever.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Post Apocalyptic films
So here I sit listening to Led Zeppelin 3's Immigrant Song. Thinking. What will this weeks topic be? Listening to the raw strum of Page's guitar and Plant's squeal I begin to think of twisted metal and octane. Vinyl clothing and studded wrist bands. Then track 3 Celebration Day comes on. Now I am dancing in front of my computer. Doing my best Joe Cocker spastic dance and rocking my air guitar like no Guitar Hero could. My wife and son look on with disgust and bewilderment. What the HELL are we looking at, they wonder. Track 4 Since I've Been Loving You kicks on and now I appear to be reenacting a moment in a great jazz/blues movie. My face grimacing. Eyes closed. Shaking my head looking down to the floor. Hands on my chest. I am either feeling the blues, or someone farted. Page begins to work the fret board as I bite my bottom lip. Oh yes. This is a moment of cool the Earth has rarely seen.
What will this weeks topic be?
Raw
Twisted Metal
Octane
Vinyl Clothing
Studded Wrist Bands
Spastic
What The Hell Are We Looking at?
Someone Farted
.....then it hits me. This weeks topic will encompass all of the above!
POST APOCALYPTIC MOVIES!
What the heck is that, you might ask. Or may not. I will explain anyway. But track 6 Gallow's Poll has come on and I need to ROCK!!!
Track 7 Tangerine. Track 8 That's The Way. I am now chill. If music could grow chest hair, Led Zeppelin 3, as with Post Apocalyptic films, would have created a glorious forest mane on my pecs at this time. Post Apocalyptic films are the modern MAN films Westerns once were. However, as with the Western, the genre MAY have runs its course. To enjoy a good Post Apocalyptic flick, you need to suspend all reasoning, and just enjoy the explosions. Now I am not talking about artsy fartsy movies. I am talking about a world in which Snake Plissken and Mad Max are Kings.
Like a good rock album, there is a method to the madness of this film genre. As in the rock album, the ones of the 70's and 80's not the 90's or present, there are hard songs that only deal with self indulgence and man's primal instincts. As in the PA movie, the Mad Max films in particular, when car chases and explosions begin for no reason other than to jar the senses.
Then there is the love ballad. A song that has no business being on a rock album, but in the case of film, there has to be a female presence to follow the rules of film in general. Enter the hot chick. She is attracted to our grizzled hero who wants nothing to do with her. And she loves him because of it. The man she cannot have. She cannot tame.
In the PA film, the female lead serves three purposes. First and foremost is eye candy and to fulfill the fantasy of the predominantly male audience. Barely clothed. Hot. Submissive. And hopefully a little broken. The ability to talk is optional, as in the case of Nova in the ORIGINAL Planet Of The Apes. The perfect woman.
Second. The PA girl has to eventually win the heart of the PA man. Either after a completely misplaced and inappropriate love seen. Or through pure sexual tension, often shared by the male audience.
Third. Sometimes, the only way to get a guy who doesn't give a damn to fight the bad guy, is to take his woman. And sometimes, the hot chick may get to throw a punch or two. However, the quality of your PA film is often gauged by whether or not the female lead gets to shoot a machine gun. This is the echelon of the genre. Hell hath no fury, than the woman wielding an AK-47!
If your are starting to get the impression this is a sexist and completely misogynist genre, your right. If the movie is any good anyway. The moment a love song with lyrics is played during a love scene. It looses it's Post Apocalyptic street cred' and comes dangerously close to being a Chick Flick. Unless it's a Ted Nugent song.
Like a good classic rock band, the PA movie has its players. The successful lead singer must have a charisma that pulls the audience in. The male lead of PA film must do the same. A lead guitarist adds to the lead singer's vocal and in some ways makes him cooler while demonstrating a coolness all his own. The supporting lead of a PA film has to be cool and in some ways a little cooler. If he is cooler and shows respect, maybe even some fear of the male lead, he validates the male leads position as the alpha male. The bassist, the quite guitarist who creates the subtle bass line that glues the song together while the lead vocalist and guitarist do their thing. In the PA flick this is often a wizard type or someone with little background, but wisdom, and often a subtle wit. As with the bassist that glues the song together, so must the second supporting cast member guide the audience and heroes through the journey. He can be represented as a cabby or even an arms dealer who knows all the crooks in town. Lastly there is the drummer. The brute force of the band. In the PA adventure this is the BIG guy. The one that fights the mutants as you make your escape. Or holds the trap door as you run through.
Yes it all fits a certain formula. But like Hollywood is the Big Mac. A good PA movie is that burger from the Ma' and Pop burger restaurant around the corner. The one with the huge fries and the shake impossible to drink through a straw. Both burgers. But different enough to make them two different types of food all together.
If you decide to seek out a PA flick, but are not sure how to make the choice, I will give you a few tips and then share my personal favorites of the genre. If you are shopping in a DVD store, you will need to seek out the Action DVDs section. Or maybe even the Science Fiction section. A good PA has NO BUSINESS in Drama, and if it's in the Thriller section that might imply a twist and thinking.Yuck! A PA film that makes you think is like a Subway Sandwich Artist trying to convince you of the joys and freedom of selling Amway. Ugh!
Look for titles that include words like Mad, Invaders, Barbarians,Warriors, or some date in the future. You know your in for a real treat when the DVD front cover features poster art from the theatrical release. A painted poster with hyper exaggerated interpretations of the cast. Look closely. Are there scantly clad woman? Is the hero dead center holding a machine gun or mace? Is his shirt torn from kicking so much butt? Are there completely impractical vehicles anywhere on the poster?
Which brings us to my next tip in seeking out a good PA movie. Sometimes the film's star goes on to bigger and better things. So instead of showing the original poster art on the front, they may decide to show a pic of the now famous actor. So you will have to look at the back cover. Sometimes the backs will show two or three pictures from the movie. Look for things like Mohawks. Studded wrist bands. Or the quintessential armor of the future. Football shoulder pads painted black.
If you find any of these elements, your enjoyment is almost assured. If you find ALL of these elements, DO NOT give it another thought. You have just mined celluloid gold and need to rush to the register. Race home. Throw money at your wife, so she will leave. Accuse the children of a crime they didn't commit, so you can send them to their room. Heat up a Hot Pocket and pour the Dr. Pepper! Let the Church Of Macho BEGIN!
of course all the above ONLY applies to PA movies produced in the 80's. Modern PA movies will punch you in the face with brain bleeding techno music and be riddled with tribal tattoos and black leather. A hero with hair gel does not a good PA movie make. The 80's movies were unique in that we DID believe Russia was going to launch Nuclear Bombs any day. And Moammar Kadafi was the middle eastern Anti Christ Nostradamus spoke of. We believed the world of Mad Max and Snake Plissken was at our door steps. I prayed for talking apes who would cage me, feed me, bathe me, and force me to mate with the Nova's of the world. Instead I am just a slave to retail with no scantly clad cave girls in sight. Except on Role Play Night with my wife.
The other problem with the modern PA movies is that they are saturated with CGI. Like a modern rock album with a wall of noise that sounds like a misfiring Volkswagen Beetle. You can't hear the sounds of human fingers looking for the next chord progression. Or feel the raw power of a song like Led Zeppelin's Black Dog. There is no texture in a film shot digitally, with special effects created on a laptop. A good PA movie is set in junk yards, city ruins, or sometimes just in the desert. You can almost feel the heat and the dust hitting your face. The limitations of a film stock PA film plays to its advantage. A PA film should NEVER have polish. I welcome stop motion monsters, practical effects, and foam latex mutants. A PA film should feature a collection of Found Art pieces and not a collection of pixels.
So what are my picks for Post Apocalyptic fun?
2019 After The Fall Of New York
The New Barbarians
1990 Bronx Warriors
Escape From New York
Mad Max Beyond Thunder Dome
Stryker
Atlantis Interceptors
All ORIGINAL Planet Of The Apes Movies
...just to name a few.
Unfortunately, most of these films are in public domain. So the available prints are often horrible. But with a little searching online, you can often find a limited wide screen release. Or someone who has transferred a VHS or Laser disc copy directly to DVD. Italy and Australia produced many many PA films in the 80's and these epics were later released on foreign PAL version VHS tapes. It's not hard to find collectors online, and even on eBay, who have transferred these to DVD. I recommend these transfers since they are often done by fans of the genre who have love for these lost treasures. Where as Dollar Bin Walmart DVDs are often authored by people who couldn't give a crap. Remember, digitally remastered is OFTEN code for transferred from VHS to DVD.
Part of the fun of finding an obscure Post Apocalyptic film is that its a movie you can adopt as all your own. One you won't see played over and over again on TBS. You can lift your head in pride as you watch Hollywood rip off these gems and the knowledge that you are in the know. You can turn to the guy sitting next to you in the theater and exclaim, they totally got that from (insert title here).
What will this weeks topic be?
Raw
Twisted Metal
Octane
Vinyl Clothing
Studded Wrist Bands
Spastic
What The Hell Are We Looking at?
Someone Farted
.....then it hits me. This weeks topic will encompass all of the above!
POST APOCALYPTIC MOVIES!
What the heck is that, you might ask. Or may not. I will explain anyway. But track 6 Gallow's Poll has come on and I need to ROCK!!!
Track 7 Tangerine. Track 8 That's The Way. I am now chill. If music could grow chest hair, Led Zeppelin 3, as with Post Apocalyptic films, would have created a glorious forest mane on my pecs at this time. Post Apocalyptic films are the modern MAN films Westerns once were. However, as with the Western, the genre MAY have runs its course. To enjoy a good Post Apocalyptic flick, you need to suspend all reasoning, and just enjoy the explosions. Now I am not talking about artsy fartsy movies. I am talking about a world in which Snake Plissken and Mad Max are Kings.
Like a good rock album, there is a method to the madness of this film genre. As in the rock album, the ones of the 70's and 80's not the 90's or present, there are hard songs that only deal with self indulgence and man's primal instincts. As in the PA movie, the Mad Max films in particular, when car chases and explosions begin for no reason other than to jar the senses.
Then there is the love ballad. A song that has no business being on a rock album, but in the case of film, there has to be a female presence to follow the rules of film in general. Enter the hot chick. She is attracted to our grizzled hero who wants nothing to do with her. And she loves him because of it. The man she cannot have. She cannot tame.
In the PA film, the female lead serves three purposes. First and foremost is eye candy and to fulfill the fantasy of the predominantly male audience. Barely clothed. Hot. Submissive. And hopefully a little broken. The ability to talk is optional, as in the case of Nova in the ORIGINAL Planet Of The Apes. The perfect woman.
Second. The PA girl has to eventually win the heart of the PA man. Either after a completely misplaced and inappropriate love seen. Or through pure sexual tension, often shared by the male audience.
Third. Sometimes, the only way to get a guy who doesn't give a damn to fight the bad guy, is to take his woman. And sometimes, the hot chick may get to throw a punch or two. However, the quality of your PA film is often gauged by whether or not the female lead gets to shoot a machine gun. This is the echelon of the genre. Hell hath no fury, than the woman wielding an AK-47!
If your are starting to get the impression this is a sexist and completely misogynist genre, your right. If the movie is any good anyway. The moment a love song with lyrics is played during a love scene. It looses it's Post Apocalyptic street cred' and comes dangerously close to being a Chick Flick. Unless it's a Ted Nugent song.
Like a good classic rock band, the PA movie has its players. The successful lead singer must have a charisma that pulls the audience in. The male lead of PA film must do the same. A lead guitarist adds to the lead singer's vocal and in some ways makes him cooler while demonstrating a coolness all his own. The supporting lead of a PA film has to be cool and in some ways a little cooler. If he is cooler and shows respect, maybe even some fear of the male lead, he validates the male leads position as the alpha male. The bassist, the quite guitarist who creates the subtle bass line that glues the song together while the lead vocalist and guitarist do their thing. In the PA flick this is often a wizard type or someone with little background, but wisdom, and often a subtle wit. As with the bassist that glues the song together, so must the second supporting cast member guide the audience and heroes through the journey. He can be represented as a cabby or even an arms dealer who knows all the crooks in town. Lastly there is the drummer. The brute force of the band. In the PA adventure this is the BIG guy. The one that fights the mutants as you make your escape. Or holds the trap door as you run through.
Yes it all fits a certain formula. But like Hollywood is the Big Mac. A good PA movie is that burger from the Ma' and Pop burger restaurant around the corner. The one with the huge fries and the shake impossible to drink through a straw. Both burgers. But different enough to make them two different types of food all together.
If you decide to seek out a PA flick, but are not sure how to make the choice, I will give you a few tips and then share my personal favorites of the genre. If you are shopping in a DVD store, you will need to seek out the Action DVDs section. Or maybe even the Science Fiction section. A good PA has NO BUSINESS in Drama, and if it's in the Thriller section that might imply a twist and thinking.Yuck! A PA film that makes you think is like a Subway Sandwich Artist trying to convince you of the joys and freedom of selling Amway. Ugh!
Look for titles that include words like Mad, Invaders, Barbarians,Warriors, or some date in the future. You know your in for a real treat when the DVD front cover features poster art from the theatrical release. A painted poster with hyper exaggerated interpretations of the cast. Look closely. Are there scantly clad woman? Is the hero dead center holding a machine gun or mace? Is his shirt torn from kicking so much butt? Are there completely impractical vehicles anywhere on the poster?
Which brings us to my next tip in seeking out a good PA movie. Sometimes the film's star goes on to bigger and better things. So instead of showing the original poster art on the front, they may decide to show a pic of the now famous actor. So you will have to look at the back cover. Sometimes the backs will show two or three pictures from the movie. Look for things like Mohawks. Studded wrist bands. Or the quintessential armor of the future. Football shoulder pads painted black.
If you find any of these elements, your enjoyment is almost assured. If you find ALL of these elements, DO NOT give it another thought. You have just mined celluloid gold and need to rush to the register. Race home. Throw money at your wife, so she will leave. Accuse the children of a crime they didn't commit, so you can send them to their room. Heat up a Hot Pocket and pour the Dr. Pepper! Let the Church Of Macho BEGIN!
of course all the above ONLY applies to PA movies produced in the 80's. Modern PA movies will punch you in the face with brain bleeding techno music and be riddled with tribal tattoos and black leather. A hero with hair gel does not a good PA movie make. The 80's movies were unique in that we DID believe Russia was going to launch Nuclear Bombs any day. And Moammar Kadafi was the middle eastern Anti Christ Nostradamus spoke of. We believed the world of Mad Max and Snake Plissken was at our door steps. I prayed for talking apes who would cage me, feed me, bathe me, and force me to mate with the Nova's of the world. Instead I am just a slave to retail with no scantly clad cave girls in sight. Except on Role Play Night with my wife.
The other problem with the modern PA movies is that they are saturated with CGI. Like a modern rock album with a wall of noise that sounds like a misfiring Volkswagen Beetle. You can't hear the sounds of human fingers looking for the next chord progression. Or feel the raw power of a song like Led Zeppelin's Black Dog. There is no texture in a film shot digitally, with special effects created on a laptop. A good PA movie is set in junk yards, city ruins, or sometimes just in the desert. You can almost feel the heat and the dust hitting your face. The limitations of a film stock PA film plays to its advantage. A PA film should NEVER have polish. I welcome stop motion monsters, practical effects, and foam latex mutants. A PA film should feature a collection of Found Art pieces and not a collection of pixels.
So what are my picks for Post Apocalyptic fun?
2019 After The Fall Of New York
The New Barbarians
1990 Bronx Warriors
Escape From New York
Mad Max Beyond Thunder Dome
Stryker
Atlantis Interceptors
All ORIGINAL Planet Of The Apes Movies
...just to name a few.
Unfortunately, most of these films are in public domain. So the available prints are often horrible. But with a little searching online, you can often find a limited wide screen release. Or someone who has transferred a VHS or Laser disc copy directly to DVD. Italy and Australia produced many many PA films in the 80's and these epics were later released on foreign PAL version VHS tapes. It's not hard to find collectors online, and even on eBay, who have transferred these to DVD. I recommend these transfers since they are often done by fans of the genre who have love for these lost treasures. Where as Dollar Bin Walmart DVDs are often authored by people who couldn't give a crap. Remember, digitally remastered is OFTEN code for transferred from VHS to DVD.
Part of the fun of finding an obscure Post Apocalyptic film is that its a movie you can adopt as all your own. One you won't see played over and over again on TBS. You can lift your head in pride as you watch Hollywood rip off these gems and the knowledge that you are in the know. You can turn to the guy sitting next to you in the theater and exclaim, they totally got that from (insert title here).
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Fred Williamson
This has been such a busy week, working in retail during the Christmas season, it has been hard to come up with a topic for That New Film Smell. I have lots of ideas, but the direction I want to take this series in and how to kick it off has been difficult to figure out. The intent of TNFS is to discuss films outside the Hollywood norm. But not necessarily be a film review series.
My journey outside of Hollywood started with bargain bin movies. Those movies that you find for a buck in slim DVD cases, that look like, and often are, transferred from VHS tapes. They are often the first or early films of some big Hollywood actor. But I wanted to find a new actor. One who Hollywood has neglected and not every card carrying Blockbuster Rental film fan would know of.
I quickly became a big fan of "The Hammer", Fred Williamson. Master of "Gun Fu". He is the perfect topic for TNFS and could actually be the topic of many posts. I am going to need to moderate myself, since I could go on and on about Fred Williamson movies and his out of Hollywood career.
Italian films. Post Apocalyptic films. Westerns. Cop movies. Vampire movies. Blaxploitation movies. Martial Arts movies. War movies. Williamson has done it all. He's directed, acted, produced, and written movies. Most of which would be considered independent films. Not pretentious IFC films. But films with little financing and a lot of corners cut. Films often with nothing to say, except to kick ass and who cares about taking names.
As I got more and more into Fred Williamson films, I began to find more suitable releases of his movies. MGM recently started to release a collection of movies under the banner of Soul Cinema. Films staring actors like Pam Grier, Jim Brown, and Isaac Hayes. Fred Williamson's films dominate this collection. One of my favorites is part of this collection as well. Hell Up In Harlem. Directed by Larry Cohen.
The Soul Cinema releases are great for a few reasons. Low budget DVD companies like Alpha, Brentwood, and Diamond Entertainment claim "digital transfer" or "enhanced" quality. However, the only thing "digital" is that it has been recorded onto DVD. The source is often a worn out VHS copy. When you watch a Soul Cinema DVD you feel that respect and care has been given to these movies. They even offer director commentary on most. I found the commentary for Hell Up In Harlem to be of particular interest. If you are a student of film and want to learn how to cut corners, this should be a part of your study.
During the first few minutes there is a car chase that takes place on busy city streets. The chase continues onto the crowded side walks. With pedestrians dodging and running for their lives. If there was an Oscar category for extras to get Best Actor, these pedestrians would've gotten it. Except they weren't acting. Those were real people in real terror. This brings us to the term known as "stolen shots". A technique of shooting without getting a permit.
Another great example of a "stolen shot" is later in Hell Up In Harlem when Black Caesar, played by Fred Williamson, takes to the streets. With the camera set up in the distance, the director shoots Williamson being mobbed by regular people who recognize Fred Williamson. Actor and Ex NFL star. They are unaware that Williamson is pimped up because he is shooting a movie they are now in. Him being mobbed is a part of the script, since Black Caesar is supposed to be the ghetto Robin Hood. It's only natural that the very citizens who are safe because of him would mob him in adulation. Another successful stolen shot adding to the credibility of what is going on in the movie.
Another example of Cohen's ability of cutting cost is recycling his crew and equipment. When he had committed to do Hell Up In Harlem he was shooting It's Alive for Warner Brothers 5 days a week. So on Saturday and Sunday he used that same equipment and crew to shoot Hell Up In Harlem for Universal.
It would appear that nothing could stop Cohen. Can't get your leading man for the majority of your shoot? Time for a double. During shooting, Williamson was also shooting That Man Bolt 5 days a week in California. Hell Up In Harlem was shot in New York. So Cohen used a double and then mixed that footage with close ups he later shot of Williamson in California. He even used Williamson's wardrobe from That Man Bolt in Hell Up In Harlem.
Cohen never used alot of production people and never used storyboards for Hell Up In Harlem. He admits during the commentary that he failed in making a movie that made any sense. I disagree and thought he did a great job under the circumstances. When you consider the crap Hollywood produces for 200 million a picture, Cohen was pure genius.
Here is a bit of trivia. James Brown originally scored the music for Hell Up In Harlem. But because Universal wasn't satisfied with his music on Slaughters Big Rip Off, they didn't use it. So Brown took that same music and turned it into an album called The Pay Back. Brown's most successful album.
I have to cut myself short on discussing Hell Up In Harlem since this TNFS is supposed to be about the Fred Williamson film legacy. But by discussing Hell Up In Harlem in length, you understand Williamson's own style of film making.
I have to admit, ONE of my favorite Williamson movies has to be Mean Johnny Barrows. Directed by Williamson himself. Almost like a page out of David Morrell's 1972 book First Blood, Johnny Barrows is a decorated Vietnam War vet who is discharged for punching a superior officer. He goes looking for a job, but no one will hire him, except some new Mob friends who are aware of his military service and ability to kill.
After trying to play it straight, he becomes a hit man for the Mob guys who eventually put out a hit on him. In a white suit and coat. Armed with a shotgun in each hand, Mean Johnny Barrows unleashes justice. Of course there is a woman involved. Barrows goes to save her from the rival Mob family that kidnapped her. It's not until later that he realizes she is in cahoots with her captor, played by Roddy McDowall.
How do you repay the girl that betrayed you? Trick her into stepping onto a landmine of course. Sadly, she doesn't blow up before killing pure Johnny Barrows first. A war hero looking for some honest work and peace of mind.
Mean Johnny Barrows is significant because the hero and star dies at the end. You rarely see that in film. Especially when that same star is directing the movie as well. In most cases, stars wouldn't have that.
If you like vintage Clint Eastwood, then you need to track down some Fred Williamson flicks. I recommend starting with the Soul Cinema releases. Also track down Vigilante, which offers some great commentary with Williamson, Robert Forester, and others. Be sure to also look for the Italian films The New Barbarians and 1990 Bronx Warriors as well. Buy the Shriek Show releases ONLY. Barbarians and Warriors have had multiple public domain releases, but the Shriek Show releases are from master prints and in wide screen. The Shriek Show releases also offer 2 Fred Williamson interviews as a bonus feature. Each are important because they offer insight into Williamson's thoughts on Black Cinema, Hollywood, the rise and fall of Italian cinema, and how to market a film.
Sadly, as is the case with Mean Johnny Barrows, most Fred Williamson movies are in public domain and it's hard to find quality versions. I hope some one with money will realize the significance of these films and start making quality prints available to the public. But for me, poor quality releases are better than no Fred Williamson movies at all.
Sure. Fred Williamson may not be the GREATEST actor and maybe should never do a Shakespearean role. But Will Smith can never play Black Caesar. And there is nothing wrong with that.
My journey outside of Hollywood started with bargain bin movies. Those movies that you find for a buck in slim DVD cases, that look like, and often are, transferred from VHS tapes. They are often the first or early films of some big Hollywood actor. But I wanted to find a new actor. One who Hollywood has neglected and not every card carrying Blockbuster Rental film fan would know of.
I quickly became a big fan of "The Hammer", Fred Williamson. Master of "Gun Fu". He is the perfect topic for TNFS and could actually be the topic of many posts. I am going to need to moderate myself, since I could go on and on about Fred Williamson movies and his out of Hollywood career.
Italian films. Post Apocalyptic films. Westerns. Cop movies. Vampire movies. Blaxploitation movies. Martial Arts movies. War movies. Williamson has done it all. He's directed, acted, produced, and written movies. Most of which would be considered independent films. Not pretentious IFC films. But films with little financing and a lot of corners cut. Films often with nothing to say, except to kick ass and who cares about taking names.
As I got more and more into Fred Williamson films, I began to find more suitable releases of his movies. MGM recently started to release a collection of movies under the banner of Soul Cinema. Films staring actors like Pam Grier, Jim Brown, and Isaac Hayes. Fred Williamson's films dominate this collection. One of my favorites is part of this collection as well. Hell Up In Harlem. Directed by Larry Cohen.
The Soul Cinema releases are great for a few reasons. Low budget DVD companies like Alpha, Brentwood, and Diamond Entertainment claim "digital transfer" or "enhanced" quality. However, the only thing "digital" is that it has been recorded onto DVD. The source is often a worn out VHS copy. When you watch a Soul Cinema DVD you feel that respect and care has been given to these movies. They even offer director commentary on most. I found the commentary for Hell Up In Harlem to be of particular interest. If you are a student of film and want to learn how to cut corners, this should be a part of your study.
During the first few minutes there is a car chase that takes place on busy city streets. The chase continues onto the crowded side walks. With pedestrians dodging and running for their lives. If there was an Oscar category for extras to get Best Actor, these pedestrians would've gotten it. Except they weren't acting. Those were real people in real terror. This brings us to the term known as "stolen shots". A technique of shooting without getting a permit.
Another great example of a "stolen shot" is later in Hell Up In Harlem when Black Caesar, played by Fred Williamson, takes to the streets. With the camera set up in the distance, the director shoots Williamson being mobbed by regular people who recognize Fred Williamson. Actor and Ex NFL star. They are unaware that Williamson is pimped up because he is shooting a movie they are now in. Him being mobbed is a part of the script, since Black Caesar is supposed to be the ghetto Robin Hood. It's only natural that the very citizens who are safe because of him would mob him in adulation. Another successful stolen shot adding to the credibility of what is going on in the movie.
Another example of Cohen's ability of cutting cost is recycling his crew and equipment. When he had committed to do Hell Up In Harlem he was shooting It's Alive for Warner Brothers 5 days a week. So on Saturday and Sunday he used that same equipment and crew to shoot Hell Up In Harlem for Universal.
It would appear that nothing could stop Cohen. Can't get your leading man for the majority of your shoot? Time for a double. During shooting, Williamson was also shooting That Man Bolt 5 days a week in California. Hell Up In Harlem was shot in New York. So Cohen used a double and then mixed that footage with close ups he later shot of Williamson in California. He even used Williamson's wardrobe from That Man Bolt in Hell Up In Harlem.
Cohen never used alot of production people and never used storyboards for Hell Up In Harlem. He admits during the commentary that he failed in making a movie that made any sense. I disagree and thought he did a great job under the circumstances. When you consider the crap Hollywood produces for 200 million a picture, Cohen was pure genius.
Here is a bit of trivia. James Brown originally scored the music for Hell Up In Harlem. But because Universal wasn't satisfied with his music on Slaughters Big Rip Off, they didn't use it. So Brown took that same music and turned it into an album called The Pay Back. Brown's most successful album.
I have to cut myself short on discussing Hell Up In Harlem since this TNFS is supposed to be about the Fred Williamson film legacy. But by discussing Hell Up In Harlem in length, you understand Williamson's own style of film making.
I have to admit, ONE of my favorite Williamson movies has to be Mean Johnny Barrows. Directed by Williamson himself. Almost like a page out of David Morrell's 1972 book First Blood, Johnny Barrows is a decorated Vietnam War vet who is discharged for punching a superior officer. He goes looking for a job, but no one will hire him, except some new Mob friends who are aware of his military service and ability to kill.
After trying to play it straight, he becomes a hit man for the Mob guys who eventually put out a hit on him. In a white suit and coat. Armed with a shotgun in each hand, Mean Johnny Barrows unleashes justice. Of course there is a woman involved. Barrows goes to save her from the rival Mob family that kidnapped her. It's not until later that he realizes she is in cahoots with her captor, played by Roddy McDowall.
How do you repay the girl that betrayed you? Trick her into stepping onto a landmine of course. Sadly, she doesn't blow up before killing pure Johnny Barrows first. A war hero looking for some honest work and peace of mind.
Mean Johnny Barrows is significant because the hero and star dies at the end. You rarely see that in film. Especially when that same star is directing the movie as well. In most cases, stars wouldn't have that.
If you like vintage Clint Eastwood, then you need to track down some Fred Williamson flicks. I recommend starting with the Soul Cinema releases. Also track down Vigilante, which offers some great commentary with Williamson, Robert Forester, and others. Be sure to also look for the Italian films The New Barbarians and 1990 Bronx Warriors as well. Buy the Shriek Show releases ONLY. Barbarians and Warriors have had multiple public domain releases, but the Shriek Show releases are from master prints and in wide screen. The Shriek Show releases also offer 2 Fred Williamson interviews as a bonus feature. Each are important because they offer insight into Williamson's thoughts on Black Cinema, Hollywood, the rise and fall of Italian cinema, and how to market a film.
Sadly, as is the case with Mean Johnny Barrows, most Fred Williamson movies are in public domain and it's hard to find quality versions. I hope some one with money will realize the significance of these films and start making quality prints available to the public. But for me, poor quality releases are better than no Fred Williamson movies at all.
Sure. Fred Williamson may not be the GREATEST actor and maybe should never do a Shakespearean role. But Will Smith can never play Black Caesar. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Word from Big C Vol. 26
Ok it's been awhile since my last correspondence so I have some real quick reviews for Cirque du Jerks well here goes.
Death Racers
Crappy version of Death Race (Have not seen it yet). Totally sucks!
20 Years After
Should have been called Lets Waste an Hour and Half Watching This Crappy Movie.
War of the Worlds 2: The Nest Wave
Nothing good here.
Monday, December 1, 2008
That New Film Smell
As I have gotten older the little boy in me has pretty much stayed the same. With a bit of variance.
When I was young I would buy toys and play with them to escape from life. As an adult I display those toys instead and playing with them transformed into making animated films. My oldest son used to call playing with his toys "making movies" because when he was very young he saw me "making movies" with my toys.
When I read comics as a young teen, I would imagine growing up, putting on a costume, and fighting crime. As an adult, I read comics to return to when I thought that way, and reality didn't suggest otherwise.
I used to see Hollywood blockbusters opening weekend. Indiana Jones, Star Trek, Star Wars, were still new types of films. At that time a copycat didn't come out 6 times a year and a video copy wasn't easily accessible.
Today I still yearn for something new. Hollywood has failed me in that respect.
To recapture that feeling of "new" from my youth, I have looked beyond Hollywood for a different take on the formula movies. You might think independent film is the best place to find new and fresh ideas. Not really. Even independent film is beginning to spew out the same stuff again and again. Long gone are the days of Kevin Smith's then "new" comedic take on pop culture and Star Wars. His humor, thanks to shows like Family Guy and Robot Chicken, has become mainstream. I even find myself rolling my eyes at Star Wars references in sitcoms where it's sole purpose is to attract me, the thirty something guy who is in charge of the remote.
The official death of Star Wars references being cool, in the know, and underground, died with the new Wii Clone Wars advertising campaign. I am sure you have seen the commercial. Two geek's that were too young to see the ORIGINAL trilogy in theaters, exchanging quips while playing the newest Star Wars video game. There is this weird emotion when seeing something like that now. There isn't a feeling of "wow they really get me!" Instead it's more like, "Oh My God! Stop trying to be cool by marketing un-cool as cool."
To enjoy film again, I have found myself having to fake out Hollywood and go BACK or ABROAD. Seeking out those movies NO ONE has heard of. To create my OWN NEW in jokes. Only known to my circle of friends. Jokes tucked away and held tightly so mainstream can't find them.
Over the next few months I want to examine those films exclusively here at Cirque Du Jerks. Every Monday I will offer my take on films from different countries or eras. I will talk about lost filmmaking art forms like Stolen Shots and Exploitation to name a few. My hope is to attract other people like me who might be looking for something new from the now heavily manufactured art form known as film.
See you next week.
When I was young I would buy toys and play with them to escape from life. As an adult I display those toys instead and playing with them transformed into making animated films. My oldest son used to call playing with his toys "making movies" because when he was very young he saw me "making movies" with my toys.
When I read comics as a young teen, I would imagine growing up, putting on a costume, and fighting crime. As an adult, I read comics to return to when I thought that way, and reality didn't suggest otherwise.
I used to see Hollywood blockbusters opening weekend. Indiana Jones, Star Trek, Star Wars, were still new types of films. At that time a copycat didn't come out 6 times a year and a video copy wasn't easily accessible.
Today I still yearn for something new. Hollywood has failed me in that respect.
To recapture that feeling of "new" from my youth, I have looked beyond Hollywood for a different take on the formula movies. You might think independent film is the best place to find new and fresh ideas. Not really. Even independent film is beginning to spew out the same stuff again and again. Long gone are the days of Kevin Smith's then "new" comedic take on pop culture and Star Wars. His humor, thanks to shows like Family Guy and Robot Chicken, has become mainstream. I even find myself rolling my eyes at Star Wars references in sitcoms where it's sole purpose is to attract me, the thirty something guy who is in charge of the remote.
The official death of Star Wars references being cool, in the know, and underground, died with the new Wii Clone Wars advertising campaign. I am sure you have seen the commercial. Two geek's that were too young to see the ORIGINAL trilogy in theaters, exchanging quips while playing the newest Star Wars video game. There is this weird emotion when seeing something like that now. There isn't a feeling of "wow they really get me!" Instead it's more like, "Oh My God! Stop trying to be cool by marketing un-cool as cool."
To enjoy film again, I have found myself having to fake out Hollywood and go BACK or ABROAD. Seeking out those movies NO ONE has heard of. To create my OWN NEW in jokes. Only known to my circle of friends. Jokes tucked away and held tightly so mainstream can't find them.
Over the next few months I want to examine those films exclusively here at Cirque Du Jerks. Every Monday I will offer my take on films from different countries or eras. I will talk about lost filmmaking art forms like Stolen Shots and Exploitation to name a few. My hope is to attract other people like me who might be looking for something new from the now heavily manufactured art form known as film.
See you next week.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Word from Big C vol. 25
editors note - for this 25 edition of tiny movie reviews the big guy not only serves us up another heaping helping of titles but simultaneously runs the gamut from kiddie flicks to Hong Kong cinema. What lies between? You'll have to read to find out.
The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning
Ya I fucking watched it what of it?! First things first have you ever thought "If King Triton had brown hair he would look like a very muscular Jesus with a fish fin?" well you get to see it in this movie. I felt it was a good movie but lacked the song quality that I have come to expect from Disney so in that department I was let down but it is a good solid movie. Give it a shot.
Raiders of the Sun
I was turned onto this nugget of cheese by Herostew to give me "his" Babylon A.D. after watching it I can see his side and I have to say I thought Babylon A.D. was better but I'm not trying to start sum shit with Mr. Stew.
Sukiyaki Western Django
Best movie I have ever seen from Malaysia. The character design is fantastic. WATCH THIS MOVIE IF YOU CAN FIND IT!
Immortal
Ok this movie is set in the year 2095 (the near future). This flying pyramid appears above New York and is occupied by the Egyptian gods and for some unexplained reason Horus has 7 days to impregnate a blue haired girl that cries blue tears or he will lose his godhood. Horus has to find a suitable human host to his godly man juice, after 2 days and 7 unexplained deaths he finds the one unfortunately he has lost his leg Horus fastens a new one out of a subway track. So as the movie unfolds there is some raping of the blue haired woman by Horus, and Anubis and Isis partake in the old tradition of board games such as Monopoly. I could go on but its not my style just watch this one.
Police Story
Great Kung-Fu movie and excellent chase scenes. Thanks to Herostew for turning me onto this one.
The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning
Ya I fucking watched it what of it?! First things first have you ever thought "If King Triton had brown hair he would look like a very muscular Jesus with a fish fin?" well you get to see it in this movie. I felt it was a good movie but lacked the song quality that I have come to expect from Disney so in that department I was let down but it is a good solid movie. Give it a shot.
Raiders of the Sun
I was turned onto this nugget of cheese by Herostew to give me "his" Babylon A.D. after watching it I can see his side and I have to say I thought Babylon A.D. was better but I'm not trying to start sum shit with Mr. Stew.
Sukiyaki Western Django
Best movie I have ever seen from Malaysia. The character design is fantastic. WATCH THIS MOVIE IF YOU CAN FIND IT!
Immortal
Ok this movie is set in the year 2095 (the near future). This flying pyramid appears above New York and is occupied by the Egyptian gods and for some unexplained reason Horus has 7 days to impregnate a blue haired girl that cries blue tears or he will lose his godhood. Horus has to find a suitable human host to his godly man juice, after 2 days and 7 unexplained deaths he finds the one unfortunately he has lost his leg Horus fastens a new one out of a subway track. So as the movie unfolds there is some raping of the blue haired woman by Horus, and Anubis and Isis partake in the old tradition of board games such as Monopoly. I could go on but its not my style just watch this one.
Police Story
Great Kung-Fu movie and excellent chase scenes. Thanks to Herostew for turning me onto this one.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Review - ANGST
by Mr. Blunderson
Editors Note - There are nearly 8,000 movies titled Angst so to clear up any confusion, this is the film from 2003 that was originally titled Penetration Angst.
First of all, I can only imagine my thoughts as an actress auditioning for the lead in a movie written by a German produced in the UK called Penetration Angst. At what juncture exactly does my brain click with the thought screaming "I must have this part!"
I first saw the box for this DVD over a year ago at my local movie dealer. My wife and I both laughed hysterically at the blurb on the back. Now, I can honestly say "what the hell was I thinking?!" When you read a box cover that shamelessly announces that the female protagonist "... finds herself having intimacy problems with men. Her private parts are devouring all lovers and leaving her with an insatiable thirst for blood, In order to satisfy her cravings, she Becomes a prostitue which leads to a death filled take of murder, madness, and sex." one is left to wonder why it is you don't already own eight or nine copies of this movie already. Now that I have actually seen it I can only tell you that it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
But I did think it would be really bad.
As I watch the credits roll on this bad boy I can't believe this isn't the worst movie movie I've ever seen. Clearly this is not American cinema (thank god!) and if you watched the first five minutes and then were told the circumstances of the conclusion you would not think it even possible to have gotten from point a to point B but believe it or not it actually almost makes it there in one coherent piece. Sure the script is weak and the boobies are plentiful (as long as you enjoy the tatas of Fiona Horsey) but it could have been so much worse.
My only gripes are that this film was shot with a digital camera and not on actual film. The plot has a severe identity crisis but 'm not sure that's a bad thing. Is it horror? Is it a twisted black comedy? Is it just plain odd? And if it is a horror film, it goes really light on the sauce. The male lead (if you can call him that) is a little disturbing, and his journey reaches the destination of absolute absurdity, but I will concede that is supposed to be part of the fun. Finally, like all movies of this ilk it is breast heavy in the first two acts, followed by none in the final third. But in defense of Angst, it does feature some of the funniest third act male frontal nudity that I've ever seen so it almost makes up for all the shortcomings...
The plot you ask? A young woman named Helen, recovering from a troubling childhood trauma, finds herself with a vagina that devours men whole. I know the blurb calls them "lovers" but in reality none of them were really in that category. Most are degenerates and rapists. The only guy Helen really loves she avoids actually "loving." Of course, that guy's character ends up being quite questionable. But hey, this is German boobie-horror so what the hell am I complaining about?
To tell you any more would ruin the plot more than I already have. Needles to say, this is now my favorite movie that features a talking vagina. As for it's place on the Mr. Blunderson scale, lets give this a "better than it deserves to be" and leave it at that.
Editors Note - There are nearly 8,000 movies titled Angst so to clear up any confusion, this is the film from 2003 that was originally titled Penetration Angst.
First of all, I can only imagine my thoughts as an actress auditioning for the lead in a movie written by a German produced in the UK called Penetration Angst. At what juncture exactly does my brain click with the thought screaming "I must have this part!"
I first saw the box for this DVD over a year ago at my local movie dealer. My wife and I both laughed hysterically at the blurb on the back. Now, I can honestly say "what the hell was I thinking?!" When you read a box cover that shamelessly announces that the female protagonist "... finds herself having intimacy problems with men. Her private parts are devouring all lovers and leaving her with an insatiable thirst for blood, In order to satisfy her cravings, she Becomes a prostitue which leads to a death filled take of murder, madness, and sex." one is left to wonder why it is you don't already own eight or nine copies of this movie already. Now that I have actually seen it I can only tell you that it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
But I did think it would be really bad.
As I watch the credits roll on this bad boy I can't believe this isn't the worst movie movie I've ever seen. Clearly this is not American cinema (thank god!) and if you watched the first five minutes and then were told the circumstances of the conclusion you would not think it even possible to have gotten from point a to point B but believe it or not it actually almost makes it there in one coherent piece. Sure the script is weak and the boobies are plentiful (as long as you enjoy the tatas of Fiona Horsey) but it could have been so much worse.
My only gripes are that this film was shot with a digital camera and not on actual film. The plot has a severe identity crisis but 'm not sure that's a bad thing. Is it horror? Is it a twisted black comedy? Is it just plain odd? And if it is a horror film, it goes really light on the sauce. The male lead (if you can call him that) is a little disturbing, and his journey reaches the destination of absolute absurdity, but I will concede that is supposed to be part of the fun. Finally, like all movies of this ilk it is breast heavy in the first two acts, followed by none in the final third. But in defense of Angst, it does feature some of the funniest third act male frontal nudity that I've ever seen so it almost makes up for all the shortcomings...
The plot you ask? A young woman named Helen, recovering from a troubling childhood trauma, finds herself with a vagina that devours men whole. I know the blurb calls them "lovers" but in reality none of them were really in that category. Most are degenerates and rapists. The only guy Helen really loves she avoids actually "loving." Of course, that guy's character ends up being quite questionable. But hey, this is German boobie-horror so what the hell am I complaining about?
To tell you any more would ruin the plot more than I already have. Needles to say, this is now my favorite movie that features a talking vagina. As for it's place on the Mr. Blunderson scale, lets give this a "better than it deserves to be" and leave it at that.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Word from Big C vol. 24
editors note - For this edition of Word from Big C we get a monster update. 7 movies reviewed as only Big C can. Enjoy, and hold on to your butts.
Babylon A.D.
I liked this movie and if you believe my fellow Jerk-er then that's your call (but you'll regret it). First off Mr. Vin Diesel was great as the bounty hunter Toorop ya that's right they wrote the accent into his name fantastic. Also Mélanie Thierry is a good fit as the innocent Aurora and Michelle Yeoh was fantastic as Sister Rebeka. Good story, good action, sweet cheese from the get-go. Herostew can go have intercourse with himself.
Burn After Reading
Ok at first I actually told Senor Herostew "Is this movie genius or just fucked up?" Looking back this one is fucking genius and makes you think "what would I do in that situation?" Brad Pitt and George Clooney were fan-freaking-tastic in this movie. See this one on the big screen
Chaos
Jason Statham, Wesley Snipes how can you go wrong? I'll tell you how you can go wrong, you cast the aforementioned Statham and Snipes and then don't have a fight scene between the two of them. The plot of this one is a detective and his partner are part of a hostage situation on a bridge that goes wrong and one gets the proverbial axe and is kicked off the force and the other is just suspended and while on his suspension Statham is brought back to active duty at the request of bank heist leader Snipes. If this has not turned you away yet Statham is stuck with a babysitter played by Ryan Phillippe and the story is then told over the next 40 or 50 minutes which is far to long. Don't spend your hard earned cash on this please
Equilibrium
All I have to say is Noodles is right.
National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets
The first is the better of the two if only because the villain is actually a villain in the first one.
Pistol Whipped
This is Squinty Sagal at his suavest, ass-kicking top and I believe his pudgiest. Very good Sagal movie. Give it a look-see
Kill Zone
Babylon A.D.
I liked this movie and if you believe my fellow Jerk-er then that's your call (but you'll regret it). First off Mr. Vin Diesel was great as the bounty hunter Toorop ya that's right they wrote the accent into his name fantastic. Also Mélanie Thierry is a good fit as the innocent Aurora and Michelle Yeoh was fantastic as Sister Rebeka. Good story, good action, sweet cheese from the get-go. Herostew can go have intercourse with himself.
Burn After Reading
Ok at first I actually told Senor Herostew "Is this movie genius or just fucked up?" Looking back this one is fucking genius and makes you think "what would I do in that situation?" Brad Pitt and George Clooney were fan-freaking-tastic in this movie. See this one on the big screen
Chaos
Jason Statham, Wesley Snipes how can you go wrong? I'll tell you how you can go wrong, you cast the aforementioned Statham and Snipes and then don't have a fight scene between the two of them. The plot of this one is a detective and his partner are part of a hostage situation on a bridge that goes wrong and one gets the proverbial axe and is kicked off the force and the other is just suspended and while on his suspension Statham is brought back to active duty at the request of bank heist leader Snipes. If this has not turned you away yet Statham is stuck with a babysitter played by Ryan Phillippe and the story is then told over the next 40 or 50 minutes which is far to long. Don't spend your hard earned cash on this please
Equilibrium
All I have to say is Noodles is right.
National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets
The first is the better of the two if only because the villain is actually a villain in the first one.
Pistol Whipped
This is Squinty Sagal at his suavest, ass-kicking top and I believe his pudgiest. Very good Sagal movie. Give it a look-see
Kill Zone
I was turned on to this one by Herostew, it is of oriental cinema descent and is good stuff but it is also so very jacked up. Must see it.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Babylon AD And Burn After Reading
Here are my thoughts on two movies I saw with the Big C. We both had different views on each and I often concede to agree to disagree. Except in instances where I am so right.
Babylon AD:
Our opinion on this ass wipe of a movie differ so greatly, that while at each stop light drivers in cars next to us looked on as we yelled our opinions at each other. No joke.
Now let me be honest. We snuck into this movie after seeing Burn After Reading. I found that free was still too high a price to pay. I like bad movies. I like movies that are exceptional as well. But Babylon AD is just pure suck on a galactic level.
It starts off with a Vin Diesel monologue followed by tough guy walking to rap music. Everything I would expect from a Diesel movie. I was prepared for some cheese. Deli cheese mind you. Not imitation cheese food slices. My main problem with this movie is that the few action scenes present were total crap thanks to excessive shaky camera syndrome. Made worse by quick edits.
When I heard Michelle Yeoh was in this movie, I expected some awesome Kung Fu action, since she is a martial arts master. BONK! Wrong! She was completely wasted and this film was completely beneath her. Virtually NO martial arts action. When there was, it was edited and ruined by the en vogue shaky camera crap.
The Story was weak and even Big C, who said he loved it, made comments about the stupidity before us. Particularly when one character says, 'we were like a family.'
I wouldn't even say this would make a good straight to DVD movie. It doesn't embrace its camp and by not doing so, just plain sucks.
Burn After Reading:
When this ended Big C turned and said, 'I am not sure if that was genius or just jacked up'. This was his first Coen brother's movie and he wasn't prepared for a NON Hollywood ending. As I bashed Babylon AD, to slam me Big C said Burn After Reading sucked. But I would bet money, that of the two, Burn After Reading was the one he thought about most.
Burn After Reading offered distinct interesting characters that were tightly developed. No quiet pauses of reflection. But just enough dialogue to flesh them out and make them engaging.
Other than the message of Don't Sweat The Small Stuff, Burn After Reading doesn't try to change the world. Even though I found it to be packed with allegory. It tells a twisted slice of life story with great dialogue with in a time frame that keeps it from being pretentious.
I am not sure if there is anything award winning in Burn After Reading, but it is a movie I will own and watch again.
Babylon AD:
Our opinion on this ass wipe of a movie differ so greatly, that while at each stop light drivers in cars next to us looked on as we yelled our opinions at each other. No joke.
Now let me be honest. We snuck into this movie after seeing Burn After Reading. I found that free was still too high a price to pay. I like bad movies. I like movies that are exceptional as well. But Babylon AD is just pure suck on a galactic level.
It starts off with a Vin Diesel monologue followed by tough guy walking to rap music. Everything I would expect from a Diesel movie. I was prepared for some cheese. Deli cheese mind you. Not imitation cheese food slices. My main problem with this movie is that the few action scenes present were total crap thanks to excessive shaky camera syndrome. Made worse by quick edits.
When I heard Michelle Yeoh was in this movie, I expected some awesome Kung Fu action, since she is a martial arts master. BONK! Wrong! She was completely wasted and this film was completely beneath her. Virtually NO martial arts action. When there was, it was edited and ruined by the en vogue shaky camera crap.
The Story was weak and even Big C, who said he loved it, made comments about the stupidity before us. Particularly when one character says, 'we were like a family.'
I wouldn't even say this would make a good straight to DVD movie. It doesn't embrace its camp and by not doing so, just plain sucks.
Burn After Reading:
When this ended Big C turned and said, 'I am not sure if that was genius or just jacked up'. This was his first Coen brother's movie and he wasn't prepared for a NON Hollywood ending. As I bashed Babylon AD, to slam me Big C said Burn After Reading sucked. But I would bet money, that of the two, Burn After Reading was the one he thought about most.
Burn After Reading offered distinct interesting characters that were tightly developed. No quiet pauses of reflection. But just enough dialogue to flesh them out and make them engaging.
Other than the message of Don't Sweat The Small Stuff, Burn After Reading doesn't try to change the world. Even though I found it to be packed with allegory. It tells a twisted slice of life story with great dialogue with in a time frame that keeps it from being pretentious.
I am not sure if there is anything award winning in Burn After Reading, but it is a movie I will own and watch again.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Equilibrium - review
by Mr. Blunderson
Yes!
I have finally ended my silence! Although I have countless reviews yet to be published here, I have broken the seal-despite my drunken stupor-to say that I really, really, really, dig a little movie called Equilibrium.
Before I get into any detail, can I say that there is nothing that gets me more excited than hearing the words "in a dystopian future..." and also that two of my favorite books ever published (besides my own autobiography, but that is still unpublished for anyone who does not yet own a time machine capable of venturing into the future) are 1984 and Fahrenheit 451?
on to the review...
Simply said, if Fahrenheit 451 and 1984 ever gang banged The Matrix and the resulting offspring was put on celluloid, the result could not be far from Equilibrium. This is a cool movie and the only thing I could ask of it would be to give me more violence! More gun kata! Please sir, can I have some more?!
Similar to Guy Montag in 451, CHRISTIAN Bale plays a Grammaton Cleric, a master in the ways of gun kata (I'd go into that here but lets just say that every movie from here on out needs it) and trained to find rebels who have not been taking their doses of drugs that keep them from feeling emotion, something that has been deemed by Big Brother-I mean Father-to be as Lewis Black might say "the root of all Eeeeeeeeviiiiiiiiiiillllllll!"
Sure, that part isn't so similar to Guy Montag, but when Cleric Preston (Mr. Bale) finds rebels who are hiding books by Yeats, art by Da Vinci, or anything else that might make a person feel any type of emotion, the items are burned. Oh yeah... and of course the people are executed.
Feelings are really bad in this vision of the near future. I love that it is the opening movement of a Beethoven symphony (one that I one listened to in my time of need) that helps Preston turn a corner. Music, art, literature, all play a profound role in how we as humans connect with our emotions (or CAN if we allow them to) and I loved how that was played up here.
Once Cleric Preston turns the corner of experiencing emotion, it doesn't take a rocket scientists to figure out what is going to happen, but I for one enjoyed the ride. I would have liked to see more action, but even if this film had characters talking for an extra hour (beyond the 1 hour and 47 minute run time--including credits) there still would have been less yappity-yap-yap than the two Matrix sequels. And on that note I give this move an "Oh Hellz yess!" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.
Yes!
I have finally ended my silence! Although I have countless reviews yet to be published here, I have broken the seal-despite my drunken stupor-to say that I really, really, really, dig a little movie called Equilibrium.
Before I get into any detail, can I say that there is nothing that gets me more excited than hearing the words "in a dystopian future..." and also that two of my favorite books ever published (besides my own autobiography, but that is still unpublished for anyone who does not yet own a time machine capable of venturing into the future) are 1984 and Fahrenheit 451?
on to the review...
Simply said, if Fahrenheit 451 and 1984 ever gang banged The Matrix and the resulting offspring was put on celluloid, the result could not be far from Equilibrium. This is a cool movie and the only thing I could ask of it would be to give me more violence! More gun kata! Please sir, can I have some more?!
Similar to Guy Montag in 451, CHRISTIAN Bale plays a Grammaton Cleric, a master in the ways of gun kata (I'd go into that here but lets just say that every movie from here on out needs it) and trained to find rebels who have not been taking their doses of drugs that keep them from feeling emotion, something that has been deemed by Big Brother-I mean Father-to be as Lewis Black might say "the root of all Eeeeeeeeviiiiiiiiiiillllllll!"
Sure, that part isn't so similar to Guy Montag, but when Cleric Preston (Mr. Bale) finds rebels who are hiding books by Yeats, art by Da Vinci, or anything else that might make a person feel any type of emotion, the items are burned. Oh yeah... and of course the people are executed.
Feelings are really bad in this vision of the near future. I love that it is the opening movement of a Beethoven symphony (one that I one listened to in my time of need) that helps Preston turn a corner. Music, art, literature, all play a profound role in how we as humans connect with our emotions (or CAN if we allow them to) and I loved how that was played up here.
Once Cleric Preston turns the corner of experiencing emotion, it doesn't take a rocket scientists to figure out what is going to happen, but I for one enjoyed the ride. I would have liked to see more action, but even if this film had characters talking for an extra hour (beyond the 1 hour and 47 minute run time--including credits) there still would have been less yappity-yap-yap than the two Matrix sequels. And on that note I give this move an "Oh Hellz yess!" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Word from Big C vol 23
Pineapple Express
This one has genius written all over it and the ganga smoke is so very pineappley. Some of the awesomeness is most defiantly in the dialog of pot heads because it is just like most of my friends that take part in such activities. Most of the greatness is from the fantastic fight sequences because its like a real life fight between two (or more) people. I have heard from some people that it was not good but you know what i say to them go get high and then see this movie and tell me that its not a stupendous movie. One of Rogans best.
Tropic Thunder
Fisrt things first this review may be bi-est because I am a huge fan of the great and talented tubby man Jack Black that being said on to the review. Lets start will R.D.Jr (Robert Downey Jr..) "I'm the dude playing the dude disguised as the other dude." you can't find a better line to describe the role that he plays in this epic war story. Onto Ben Stiller over the years he has been very satisfying for my comedic enjoyment, but in this one he has out done himself and "Simple Jack" (one of Tugg Speedman's roles) is so out there I don't think anyone else could have pulled it off. Now onto my favorite character Jeff Portnoy played by Jack Black, he pokes fun as Eddie Murphy's The Clumps with 'The Fatties Fart 2'. The way they set up the different main characters is the most spectacular way of doing so just believe me. Just go see this movie before I hunt you down and make you suffer.
The Scorpion King 2 The Rise of a Worrier
I liked this movie but it is very bad but that's what you get from strait to dvd. Good enough for Big C.
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder
Its about time Casper Van Dien returns as Johnny Rico. This one fits in with Starship Troopers the original as far a schlock and the action is FANTASTIC LY cheesy. This one is defiantly my favorite. They even have the Sky Marshal Singing his latest hit 'Its A Good Day to Die' I kid you not.
This one has genius written all over it and the ganga smoke is so very pineappley. Some of the awesomeness is most defiantly in the dialog of pot heads because it is just like most of my friends that take part in such activities. Most of the greatness is from the fantastic fight sequences because its like a real life fight between two (or more) people. I have heard from some people that it was not good but you know what i say to them go get high and then see this movie and tell me that its not a stupendous movie. One of Rogans best.
Tropic Thunder
Fisrt things first this review may be bi-est because I am a huge fan of the great and talented tubby man Jack Black that being said on to the review. Lets start will R.D.Jr (Robert Downey Jr..) "I'm the dude playing the dude disguised as the other dude." you can't find a better line to describe the role that he plays in this epic war story. Onto Ben Stiller over the years he has been very satisfying for my comedic enjoyment, but in this one he has out done himself and "Simple Jack" (one of Tugg Speedman's roles) is so out there I don't think anyone else could have pulled it off. Now onto my favorite character Jeff Portnoy played by Jack Black, he pokes fun as Eddie Murphy's The Clumps with 'The Fatties Fart 2'. The way they set up the different main characters is the most spectacular way of doing so just believe me. Just go see this movie before I hunt you down and make you suffer.
The Scorpion King 2 The Rise of a Worrier
I liked this movie but it is very bad but that's what you get from strait to dvd. Good enough for Big C.
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder
Its about time Casper Van Dien returns as Johnny Rico. This one fits in with Starship Troopers the original as far a schlock and the action is FANTASTIC LY cheesy. This one is defiantly my favorite. They even have the Sky Marshal Singing his latest hit 'Its A Good Day to Die' I kid you not.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
DVD Rentals
Scorpion King 2
Not a bad movie but a definite straight to DVD. I felt like I was watching a pilot to a new TV show. One that could fill the void Xena and Hercules left behind. I found the entire cast to be entertaining. They just need the time to flesh out their characters and loosen up. I have to admit that I may not return for a third 90 minute movie. Hour long TV show, I am there.
Starship Troopers 3
I was wondering why Casper Van Dien returned. After the mega religious ending with him playing Jesus, I was reminded of his Born Again Christian movie past. I may be wrong but when the producers asked him to return, it might have been much like this "This one will be about God." He says yes and then they say, "Great now stand next to the naked lady." I found the desert journey to be very boring and the religious banter seemed really out of place. Like Scorpion King 2, this movie would have been better at an hour long, minus the desert journey that was obviously inserted to stretch out the movie. Since most people wouldn't rent or buy an hour long DVD. But tight is always better. zOinKs!
The Adventures Of Jonny Tao
A very very family friendly martial arts movie with a semi cool concept. A tassel wearing guitar wielding martial arts master would have been better played by a Bruce Campbell type. The coolness of what could have been falls flat by playing it TOO safe. Little kids and mom may like it together, but this will put dad to sleep.
Not a bad movie but a definite straight to DVD. I felt like I was watching a pilot to a new TV show. One that could fill the void Xena and Hercules left behind. I found the entire cast to be entertaining. They just need the time to flesh out their characters and loosen up. I have to admit that I may not return for a third 90 minute movie. Hour long TV show, I am there.
Starship Troopers 3
I was wondering why Casper Van Dien returned. After the mega religious ending with him playing Jesus, I was reminded of his Born Again Christian movie past. I may be wrong but when the producers asked him to return, it might have been much like this "This one will be about God." He says yes and then they say, "Great now stand next to the naked lady." I found the desert journey to be very boring and the religious banter seemed really out of place. Like Scorpion King 2, this movie would have been better at an hour long, minus the desert journey that was obviously inserted to stretch out the movie. Since most people wouldn't rent or buy an hour long DVD. But tight is always better. zOinKs!
The Adventures Of Jonny Tao
A very very family friendly martial arts movie with a semi cool concept. A tassel wearing guitar wielding martial arts master would have been better played by a Bruce Campbell type. The coolness of what could have been falls flat by playing it TOO safe. Little kids and mom may like it together, but this will put dad to sleep.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Meet The Spartans
OK. In my area I have enjoyed the new exciting advantage of Red Box. For $1 I can watch a movie I would never buy or movies I am not sure of with out feeling like I am wasting money.
HOWEVER!
Even at ONE DOLLAR I still felt ripped off after watching the dino turd known as Meet The Spartans. I rented this movie to watch while eating pizza with my wife and 12 year old son. I wanted something with out story and a few laughs. Unfortunately the laughs were absent. This movie was not funny in any way shape or form. AT ALL! I am not kidding. This. Movie. Was. Not. FUNNY!
NOTHING in this movie is worth the time spent watching it. Not even Carmen Electra. I am even more angry that at some point in time this movie occupied screens at my local Cinemark. Knowing Cinemark they probably had it on at least two screens.
HOWEVER!
Even at ONE DOLLAR I still felt ripped off after watching the dino turd known as Meet The Spartans. I rented this movie to watch while eating pizza with my wife and 12 year old son. I wanted something with out story and a few laughs. Unfortunately the laughs were absent. This movie was not funny in any way shape or form. AT ALL! I am not kidding. This. Movie. Was. Not. FUNNY!
NOTHING in this movie is worth the time spent watching it. Not even Carmen Electra. I am even more angry that at some point in time this movie occupied screens at my local Cinemark. Knowing Cinemark they probably had it on at least two screens.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Step Brothers
This for me is Will Ferrell's return to greatness. I am one of those who did not like Semi-Pro and felt he had too little screen time. I went to see Semi-Pro thinking I was going to see Will Ferrell loosely scripted and with lots of imrpov. Instead I got a taste of Ferrell and a butt load of Woody Harrelson and some dumb love story. This was not the case with Step Brothers.
Step Brothers is great because it has many quotable lines. Dialogue you want to repeat with your friends who are in the know. Many films today like to push the limit American Pie style. But even American Pie and movies like it have gotten stale. However, Step Brothers offers a scene of crudity that at first is shocking and funny all at once. But still with in the bounds of the story and right for the characters on screen. Boys and men do some strange stuff with their junk.
I was watching an interview on Jimmy Kimmel Live with Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. Reilley stated that Ferrell was the big dog and the money. Down playing his part in Step Brothers. In my opinion he is being way to modest, since I am not sure this movie would have worked as well with any one else. The magic and greatness they brought to Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby is present once again in Step Brothers.
I think proper credit has to be given to writer and director Adam McKay. He brought us Anchorman, Talladega Nights and now Step Brothers. For me the Ferrell/McKay team is as valuable to modern comedy as Apatow/Rogen. But I have to admit that Apatow/Rogen has a little more heart. Where as Ferrell/McKay is just pure comedy.
Don't get me wrong. Step Brothers is juvenile and sophomoric. But it's funny and entertaining and a nice change of pace from the summer super hero movie glut.
Step Brothers is great because it has many quotable lines. Dialogue you want to repeat with your friends who are in the know. Many films today like to push the limit American Pie style. But even American Pie and movies like it have gotten stale. However, Step Brothers offers a scene of crudity that at first is shocking and funny all at once. But still with in the bounds of the story and right for the characters on screen. Boys and men do some strange stuff with their junk.
I was watching an interview on Jimmy Kimmel Live with Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. Reilley stated that Ferrell was the big dog and the money. Down playing his part in Step Brothers. In my opinion he is being way to modest, since I am not sure this movie would have worked as well with any one else. The magic and greatness they brought to Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby is present once again in Step Brothers.
I think proper credit has to be given to writer and director Adam McKay. He brought us Anchorman, Talladega Nights and now Step Brothers. For me the Ferrell/McKay team is as valuable to modern comedy as Apatow/Rogen. But I have to admit that Apatow/Rogen has a little more heart. Where as Ferrell/McKay is just pure comedy.
Don't get me wrong. Step Brothers is juvenile and sophomoric. But it's funny and entertaining and a nice change of pace from the summer super hero movie glut.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Word from Big C Vol. 22
note from the editor - It might seem that big C is the only one shooting reviews up these days but that's just not the case. I'm just lazier than he is. That being said, I give you the 22 edition of the Word from Big C, champion of the Red Box rental.
American Gangster
A very good movie based on a real story that was later proved to be more fiction then non-fiction. Mr. Washington is fantastic and Mr. Russel is just as good.
Hancock
Solid movie the first half of this pic is far better then the second half and the twist is soooo lame it killed the movie for me.
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Ok I saw this the same day that I saw Hancock and I enjoyed this one far more. It Had more Abe Sapian action, and it is some great stuff. Also Trolls and Elves and such made it even better for this guy right here. Go see this one.
American Gangster
A very good movie based on a real story that was later proved to be more fiction then non-fiction. Mr. Washington is fantastic and Mr. Russel is just as good.
Hancock
Solid movie the first half of this pic is far better then the second half and the twist is soooo lame it killed the movie for me.
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
Ok I saw this the same day that I saw Hancock and I enjoyed this one far more. It Had more Abe Sapian action, and it is some great stuff. Also Trolls and Elves and such made it even better for this guy right here. Go see this one.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Word from Big C vol 21
Drillbit Taylor
Owen Wilson is fantastic as a bum/bodyguard for these kids that are surprisingly similar to the Superbad fellas only younger and not quite as funny but good for a giggle when you're high. Its good for a coming of age movie but not the best I have ever seen. Give it a shot and give me your point on this one.
The Incredible Hulk
I guess I feel the same as my fellow Jerk HeroStew. Nuf said
Wanted
Ok I just saw this one and OMG, its rated R and as I was leaving after the picture I get up to leave and guess what I see quite a few kids and I mean kids age 5 to 8 if that old. Its a movie about assassins and killing people, I have just one thing to say to the parents of the aforementioned kids is I hope your happy that you have set your children well on their way to committing the next Columbine with that said onto the review. The stunts are out of the ballpark on sweetness. Morgan Freeman is so believable as the leader of "The Fraternity" (the assassins club if you will) the bullet work is amazing with the tracking shots and what-not. I could have done without the very skeleton like Angelina Jolie (she has never done it for me). Now I don't recall any movies that James McAvoy has done in the past (because that's how cool I am) but he is most excellent in this action flick. Defiantly lives up to the hype in my book.
Owen Wilson is fantastic as a bum/bodyguard for these kids that are surprisingly similar to the Superbad fellas only younger and not quite as funny but good for a giggle when you're high. Its good for a coming of age movie but not the best I have ever seen. Give it a shot and give me your point on this one.
The Incredible Hulk
I guess I feel the same as my fellow Jerk HeroStew. Nuf said
Wanted
Ok I just saw this one and OMG, its rated R and as I was leaving after the picture I get up to leave and guess what I see quite a few kids and I mean kids age 5 to 8 if that old. Its a movie about assassins and killing people, I have just one thing to say to the parents of the aforementioned kids is I hope your happy that you have set your children well on their way to committing the next Columbine with that said onto the review. The stunts are out of the ballpark on sweetness. Morgan Freeman is so believable as the leader of "The Fraternity" (the assassins club if you will) the bullet work is amazing with the tracking shots and what-not. I could have done without the very skeleton like Angelina Jolie (she has never done it for me). Now I don't recall any movies that James McAvoy has done in the past (because that's how cool I am) but he is most excellent in this action flick. Defiantly lives up to the hype in my book.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Review - WALL-E
by Mr. Blunderson
If you don't like this movie--if you don't LOVE this movie--you have no heart.
There.
I said it.
In doing so I have certainly dared people who know me to hate it, but if this movie doesn't make you it's bitch then I am sorry for you because you are missing something in your life that you deeply need... humanity.
You might think you know what to expect. You might think you've seen the little waste allocation bot emote more than 90% of the so-called actors in Hollywood just in the trailers, but trust me when i tell you that you ain't seen nothin until you've seen it all.
Simply said, WALL-E doesn't rule, it owns.
If you don't like this movie--if you don't LOVE this movie--you have no heart.
There.
I said it.
In doing so I have certainly dared people who know me to hate it, but if this movie doesn't make you it's bitch then I am sorry for you because you are missing something in your life that you deeply need... humanity.
You might think you know what to expect. You might think you've seen the little waste allocation bot emote more than 90% of the so-called actors in Hollywood just in the trailers, but trust me when i tell you that you ain't seen nothin until you've seen it all.
Simply said, WALL-E doesn't rule, it owns.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Word from big C vol. 20
For the 20th edition of a Word From Big C, our resident slave to Red Box pushes more than the buttons on that big red movie vending machine
Alien Vs Predator: Requiem
Ok first things first the movie was way too dark physically. The new tech that they let us in on is fantastic. Personally I liked the first A.V.P. better mainly because the Predator didn't just go on a killing spree killing anything that moved, and yes I get that it was probably necessary on account of the whole Alien "outbreak" but it just was not right in my book. Its a good movie if you just want mindless action.
The Other Boleyn Girl
Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, Eric Bana. Do you need more? Rape scene with Bana and Natalie and some modest love scenes with Scar-Jo. This shows the true nature of women that know what they want and how to get it (BITCHES). Great movie for anyone that wants to impress a female with your tastes in movies. Watch this one for me.
Alien Vs Predator: Requiem
Ok first things first the movie was way too dark physically. The new tech that they let us in on is fantastic. Personally I liked the first A.V.P. better mainly because the Predator didn't just go on a killing spree killing anything that moved, and yes I get that it was probably necessary on account of the whole Alien "outbreak" but it just was not right in my book. Its a good movie if you just want mindless action.
The Other Boleyn Girl
Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, Eric Bana. Do you need more? Rape scene with Bana and Natalie and some modest love scenes with Scar-Jo. This shows the true nature of women that know what they want and how to get it (BITCHES). Great movie for anyone that wants to impress a female with your tastes in movies. Watch this one for me.
Friday, June 13, 2008
The Incredible Hulk
Good movie. Tighter with the Banner to Hulk ratio more evenly spread out than Ang Lee's version. Not as charming as Iron Man but true to the tone of modern Hulk comics. Lots of homage is paid to the 70's TV series with Lou Ferrigno actually having lines as the security guard he played in Ang Lee's Hulk and this time he even voices Hulk. Bill Bixby even has a cameo.
I am still partial to Ang Lee's Hulk design. This Hulk is too narrow in the waste and too dark skinned, when he is not in the shadows. There are moments when Hulk seems copy pasted into scenes. None of this is really all that distracting. But since the comparisons almost have to be made, Ang Lee's Hulk design is my personal preference. But Hulk does some very cool things in this movie that made me smile with glee.
I would say a better than average popcorn movie. But DO NOT go in expecting to see Iron Man. Different movie. Different Tone.
I am still partial to Ang Lee's Hulk design. This Hulk is too narrow in the waste and too dark skinned, when he is not in the shadows. There are moments when Hulk seems copy pasted into scenes. None of this is really all that distracting. But since the comparisons almost have to be made, Ang Lee's Hulk design is my personal preference. But Hulk does some very cool things in this movie that made me smile with glee.
I would say a better than average popcorn movie. But DO NOT go in expecting to see Iron Man. Different movie. Different Tone.
Kung Fu Panda
It was just okay. The opening dream sequence is funny and signature Jack Black. But the movie goes limp soon after. No serious problems. Just cute and average. A DVD movie.
The Big C also saw the film
Jack Black's best children's movie ever, definitely not his best movie though great action from animated animals. The animation is sweet-tastic (by far the best was work was done on the turtle). I will give it a OH HELLS YA.
The Big C also saw the film
Jack Black's best children's movie ever, definitely not his best movie though great action from animated animals. The animation is sweet-tastic (by far the best was work was done on the turtle). I will give it a OH HELLS YA.
Word from Big C vol 19
Meet The Spartans
Funny stuff is all ima say.
Jumper
Sam Jackson makes this movie so much better then it really is. Rachel Bilson is very hot in this movie for one she is hot and number two she plays a bartender (and does it get any hotter then a female that gives you drinks). I just hope that the second one is better.
Cleaner
Not my type of movie for reasons I can't tell because I don't know but it is entertaining if you want to learn something about homicide clean up.
next to come AVP-R and The Bucket List
Funny stuff is all ima say.
Jumper
Sam Jackson makes this movie so much better then it really is. Rachel Bilson is very hot in this movie for one she is hot and number two she plays a bartender (and does it get any hotter then a female that gives you drinks). I just hope that the second one is better.
Cleaner
Not my type of movie for reasons I can't tell because I don't know but it is entertaining if you want to learn something about homicide clean up.
next to come AVP-R and The Bucket List
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Spread Your Hummus On My Zohan
With my fellow jerks and jerk junior I went and saw You Don't Mess With the Zohan. Instead I saw the longest Hummus commercial ever put to film. I have never eaten Hummus and find it hard to believe that it could leave a worst taste in my mouth than this movie.
The real stars of this film. Hummus. Adam Sandler's crotch. Zohan is beneath everyone responsible and will share a spot next to my son's copy of Bio Dome. He's 12.
The Big C had this to say about the Zohan-
"Good movie not many quotable lines. Not as good as Grandma's Boy or Chuck and Larry but I will survive. Ok one of my fellow reviewers said needed it more Zohan action and I agree, then it would have been great."
And last but not least, Mr. Blunderson adds -
"Perhaps the most physically painful movie going experience of my life."
The real stars of this film. Hummus. Adam Sandler's crotch. Zohan is beneath everyone responsible and will share a spot next to my son's copy of Bio Dome. He's 12.
The Big C had this to say about the Zohan-
"Good movie not many quotable lines. Not as good as Grandma's Boy or Chuck and Larry but I will survive. Ok one of my fellow reviewers said needed it more Zohan action and I agree, then it would have been great."
And last but not least, Mr. Blunderson adds -
"Perhaps the most physically painful movie going experience of my life."
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Chan Tastic
Hey did you know Jackie Chan can act?
Well sort of.
I am a big Jackie Chan fan. My first Chan movie that gave me pause to take notice was Rumble In The Bronx. At that time I had never seen that type of action. Martial arts using every day objects and a bit of slap stick mixed in. Since Rumble we have seen a bunch more of Jackie Chan with movies like Shanghai Knights and Rush Hour.
Over the past few years I've taken the time to seek out Chan movies that are not "Chinese guy teams up with obnoxious American side kick" movies.
I recently found a 2004 movie called New Police Story.
This is the fifth film in Jackie's Police Story series and was meant to be a reboot. As with other films in the series, you can watch this with out ever having seen the others. All the films in the series are like that, which is why they often get retitled when sent here to America. Like Police Story 3 is often called Supercop here.
2004's (not 1993's) New Police Story is the furthest departure from the first 4 films and I feel it was a mistake to call it New Police Story. When you add words like New or Part 2, us Gweilo ask, "Where is the old? Is this a sequel? If I see this one first I won't know what's going on. Besides, sequels always suck."
New Police Story has Jackie playing a cop by a different name then the first 4 movies. Who I missed most in this venture was Uncle played by Bill Tung who died in 2006. He brought a lot of levity and dare I say cute to the other movies. Of course cute wouldn't have fit in this film. This is by far the darkest Chan movie I have seen. Not on a visual level, except in the instance of gore, but in subject matter and character tone. Jackie's character is a deeply conflicted man and gives him a chance to show a bit of range. If you want to see slap stick Jackie Chan martial arts hi-jinx, stay clear of this one. If you want to see good modern martial arts action drama made better by Chan's presence, seek this out.
Jackie Chan plays a disgraced police inspector who falls into a drunken stupor when his team is murdered in front of him by a sadistic punk gang. A young inspector played by actor/singer Nicholas Tse Ting-Fung takes it upon himself to rehabilitate Chan. His motivation isn't revealed until the twist at the very end of the film. I have to admit I wasn't expecting this type of twist in a Jackie Chan movie and I thought it was a great and subtle way to tie it all up.
There are times you may think Jackie is being a little melodramatic. But you have to keep in mind this isn't an American film. So you need to throw out YOUR OWN perception of what melodrama is. Because in the end it's not really melodrama as much as it is a perception created by our culture.
Other than Jackie Chan still doing his own stunts at almost 60, what makes his movies unique in this day and age is the amount of NON computer generated bang for your buck. Even though Jackie plays his character dark, there is still plenty of real world Jackie Chan action to satisfy any Die Hard junkie.
Well sort of.
I am a big Jackie Chan fan. My first Chan movie that gave me pause to take notice was Rumble In The Bronx. At that time I had never seen that type of action. Martial arts using every day objects and a bit of slap stick mixed in. Since Rumble we have seen a bunch more of Jackie Chan with movies like Shanghai Knights and Rush Hour.
Over the past few years I've taken the time to seek out Chan movies that are not "Chinese guy teams up with obnoxious American side kick" movies.
I recently found a 2004 movie called New Police Story.
This is the fifth film in Jackie's Police Story series and was meant to be a reboot. As with other films in the series, you can watch this with out ever having seen the others. All the films in the series are like that, which is why they often get retitled when sent here to America. Like Police Story 3 is often called Supercop here.
2004's (not 1993's) New Police Story is the furthest departure from the first 4 films and I feel it was a mistake to call it New Police Story. When you add words like New or Part 2, us Gweilo ask, "Where is the old? Is this a sequel? If I see this one first I won't know what's going on. Besides, sequels always suck."
New Police Story has Jackie playing a cop by a different name then the first 4 movies. Who I missed most in this venture was Uncle played by Bill Tung who died in 2006. He brought a lot of levity and dare I say cute to the other movies. Of course cute wouldn't have fit in this film. This is by far the darkest Chan movie I have seen. Not on a visual level, except in the instance of gore, but in subject matter and character tone. Jackie's character is a deeply conflicted man and gives him a chance to show a bit of range. If you want to see slap stick Jackie Chan martial arts hi-jinx, stay clear of this one. If you want to see good modern martial arts action drama made better by Chan's presence, seek this out.
Jackie Chan plays a disgraced police inspector who falls into a drunken stupor when his team is murdered in front of him by a sadistic punk gang. A young inspector played by actor/singer Nicholas Tse Ting-Fung takes it upon himself to rehabilitate Chan. His motivation isn't revealed until the twist at the very end of the film. I have to admit I wasn't expecting this type of twist in a Jackie Chan movie and I thought it was a great and subtle way to tie it all up.
There are times you may think Jackie is being a little melodramatic. But you have to keep in mind this isn't an American film. So you need to throw out YOUR OWN perception of what melodrama is. Because in the end it's not really melodrama as much as it is a perception created by our culture.
Other than Jackie Chan still doing his own stunts at almost 60, what makes his movies unique in this day and age is the amount of NON computer generated bang for your buck. Even though Jackie plays his character dark, there is still plenty of real world Jackie Chan action to satisfy any Die Hard junkie.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Strange Wilderness
Note from the Editor - Apologies to Mr. Terror Taco Man for not posting this when I got it more than three days ago.
Strange Wilderness
The type of movie that fits some where between Joe Dirt and Grandma's Boy as far as quality. When it's over you will say "GOD that sucked.....lets watch it again!"
Strange Wilderness
The type of movie that fits some where between Joe Dirt and Grandma's Boy as far as quality. When it's over you will say "GOD that sucked.....lets watch it again!"
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Word from Big C vol 18
Golden Compass
Ok I just got around to seeing this spectacularly over hyped movie (in my opinion) for one thing they put my buddy Danial Craig in every preview and then in the movie he is a very small part of the fun. Although the bear fight is one of the best bear fights I have ever seen and I have seen like two besides this one. I just hope that the next movie is better then the first installment but as we have seen in the past sequel's are often bad. I give it a "worth the buck rental at red-box".
Strange Wilderness
I am very sad that I was too lazy to see this epic in the theater. I have a few things that you all need to know like the best use of hydraulics ever, also it has the best voice overs of stock wildlife footage from the 70's. I give this classic a "must buy" if you are a fan of the guys from Grandma's Boy, Steve Zhan and others.
Cash Back
Ok I see this movie every time I get the opportunity to be in electronics at the (surprisingly lame) job I work at with the other jerks of this website (but they make it bearable) and every time I see the box for this one I say to myself I must see it, so when I saw it at my local red-box I had to snatch it up right then and there. All I can say is this movie is awesome because it is British and it takes place in a grocery store at night. I give this one "a worth the buck".
Ok I just got around to seeing this spectacularly over hyped movie (in my opinion) for one thing they put my buddy Danial Craig in every preview and then in the movie he is a very small part of the fun. Although the bear fight is one of the best bear fights I have ever seen and I have seen like two besides this one. I just hope that the next movie is better then the first installment but as we have seen in the past sequel's are often bad. I give it a "worth the buck rental at red-box".
Strange Wilderness
I am very sad that I was too lazy to see this epic in the theater. I have a few things that you all need to know like the best use of hydraulics ever, also it has the best voice overs of stock wildlife footage from the 70's. I give this classic a "must buy" if you are a fan of the guys from Grandma's Boy, Steve Zhan and others.
Cash Back
Ok I see this movie every time I get the opportunity to be in electronics at the (surprisingly lame) job I work at with the other jerks of this website (but they make it bearable) and every time I see the box for this one I say to myself I must see it, so when I saw it at my local red-box I had to snatch it up right then and there. All I can say is this movie is awesome because it is British and it takes place in a grocery store at night. I give this one "a worth the buck".
Monday, April 28, 2008
zack & miri make me wait
by Mr. Blunderson
Kevin Smith had promised a net trailer today for Zack and Miri Make a Porno but instead I got bupkis.
That's okay. At least Kev and Mos are regularly updating their smodcast... oh wait, they didn't do that today either!
DAMN DUDE!
Kevin Smith had promised a net trailer today for Zack and Miri Make a Porno but instead I got bupkis.
That's okay. At least Kev and Mos are regularly updating their smodcast... oh wait, they didn't do that today either!
DAMN DUDE!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
We're not dead yet
by Mr. Blunderson
It's been a while since anything has been posted here so we'll knock out a whole bunch at once if you don't mind too much.
Gone Baby Gone
After the movie was over I had to scrub the Boston off me and I loved that. Casey Affleck demonstrated some unbelievable chops here carrying the weight of a private investigator hired to "enhance" the police investigation. He more than holds his own with cinematic heavy weights Morgan Freeman and Ed Harris. The cast was solid, the directing (from Ben Affleck no less) was extraordinary, the only thing I didn't love about the movie was the "twist" at the end. I didn't buy it, it was a little much, at the end of the day I didn't need it. The good news is it didn't completely ruin the movie for me, which is why I give it a "way decent" on the Mr. Blunderson scale. I could watch these characters going about their normal lives for hours and hours it was that damn good.
Shallow Grave
This is a movie I have heard good things about and I was particularly interested because it was the first big film from Danny Boyle. I have had a hard time putting this review into words and as much as I wanted to like this movie I will just say that it took me three days to watch this movie from beginning to end. It was too dark for it's own good and I hated the characters and wanted the actors that played them to die horrible deaths, I hated them all as soon as they were introduced. At that point it wouldn't matter if this was the best plot in the history of cinema I simply didn't give a shit anymore. As much as it kills me to do it, Shallow Grave registers a "Meh" and no better.
Southland Tales
This movie was going to have to be spectacularly bad for me to not love it, so color me surprised when I didn't. This movie is just. plain. weird. It is full of characters I wouldn't mind getting to know better but the plot never seems to settle enough for that to happen. It felt like three movies crammed into one. There are some cool ideas but none of them get a chance to flow or be realized. Imagine watching a trailer that lasts for more than two hours, that's what I felt like. And if I hadn't been following the Southland Tales since Richard Kelly had started lensing the damn thing so I knew background on the characters and situations that enhanced my ability to follow the narrative (if it can be called that) I would have been really, really lost. Maybe this movie really kicks ass when you are high. I'll let you know if I ever find out. Until then this movie gets a (and it kills me to say this) "don't bother."
Dan in Real Life
I'm convinced Steve Carell can be in any movie and make it better. Definitely the case here, even though the movie isn't all that bad. It manages to rise above also staring Dane Cook, a story that is bent on focusing on the eccentricities of a family over developing the relationships between the characters, and not having the balls to make someone (anyone!)be the "bad guy." Dan in Real Life is sweet and light and slightly sentimental and thus earns a "mostly decent."
Walk Hard
The longer the memory of this movie sits in my mind the better it is. John C Reilly is a funny, funny guy, and does a great job carrying a silly, silly film. Even though it's tough to recommend this movie, I liked the shamelessness of it all, the music was surprisingly top notch, and the bit with the Beatles was worth the price of the rental. It's worth seeing once, which is why I'll give Dewey Cox a mostly decent, on the Mr. Blunderson scale.
It's been a while since anything has been posted here so we'll knock out a whole bunch at once if you don't mind too much.
Gone Baby Gone
After the movie was over I had to scrub the Boston off me and I loved that. Casey Affleck demonstrated some unbelievable chops here carrying the weight of a private investigator hired to "enhance" the police investigation. He more than holds his own with cinematic heavy weights Morgan Freeman and Ed Harris. The cast was solid, the directing (from Ben Affleck no less) was extraordinary, the only thing I didn't love about the movie was the "twist" at the end. I didn't buy it, it was a little much, at the end of the day I didn't need it. The good news is it didn't completely ruin the movie for me, which is why I give it a "way decent" on the Mr. Blunderson scale. I could watch these characters going about their normal lives for hours and hours it was that damn good.
Shallow Grave
This is a movie I have heard good things about and I was particularly interested because it was the first big film from Danny Boyle. I have had a hard time putting this review into words and as much as I wanted to like this movie I will just say that it took me three days to watch this movie from beginning to end. It was too dark for it's own good and I hated the characters and wanted the actors that played them to die horrible deaths, I hated them all as soon as they were introduced. At that point it wouldn't matter if this was the best plot in the history of cinema I simply didn't give a shit anymore. As much as it kills me to do it, Shallow Grave registers a "Meh" and no better.
Southland Tales
This movie was going to have to be spectacularly bad for me to not love it, so color me surprised when I didn't. This movie is just. plain. weird. It is full of characters I wouldn't mind getting to know better but the plot never seems to settle enough for that to happen. It felt like three movies crammed into one. There are some cool ideas but none of them get a chance to flow or be realized. Imagine watching a trailer that lasts for more than two hours, that's what I felt like. And if I hadn't been following the Southland Tales since Richard Kelly had started lensing the damn thing so I knew background on the characters and situations that enhanced my ability to follow the narrative (if it can be called that) I would have been really, really lost. Maybe this movie really kicks ass when you are high. I'll let you know if I ever find out. Until then this movie gets a (and it kills me to say this) "don't bother."
Dan in Real Life
I'm convinced Steve Carell can be in any movie and make it better. Definitely the case here, even though the movie isn't all that bad. It manages to rise above also staring Dane Cook, a story that is bent on focusing on the eccentricities of a family over developing the relationships between the characters, and not having the balls to make someone (anyone!)be the "bad guy." Dan in Real Life is sweet and light and slightly sentimental and thus earns a "mostly decent."
Walk Hard
The longer the memory of this movie sits in my mind the better it is. John C Reilly is a funny, funny guy, and does a great job carrying a silly, silly film. Even though it's tough to recommend this movie, I liked the shamelessness of it all, the music was surprisingly top notch, and the bit with the Beatles was worth the price of the rental. It's worth seeing once, which is why I'll give Dewey Cox a mostly decent, on the Mr. Blunderson scale.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Word from Big C Vol 17
Big C reviews King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
The only thing I can say is I turned my video game off to watch this surprisingly solid movie. It is definitely a must see.
Monday, April 7, 2008
An evening to remember Chuck
By Mr. Blunderson
I realize this is more about the movie than the man, I hope that this will nudge my fellow contributors to add some thoughts about Chuck as well.
Last night the Cirque du Jerks got together to bid a fond farewell Charelton Heston. We did this in a manner we felt most fitting, by enjoying one of his many fine movies. Hero Stew found a copy of disaster classic Earthquake, made way back in 1974.
This is the film that is the mold for how it's been done since. It didn't hurt that Mario Puzo (yes that Mario Puzu) wrote the first draft of the script. It probably didn't help that he was unable to continue working on this film when they had to modify the script to bring the budget down (Mr. Puzo was contractually obligated to The Godfather II). What I wouldn't give to see his draft of the script though as we can only speculate what part, if any of Puzo's original ideas for this thrilling epic survived the 11 subsequent drafts the script went through before finally getting shot.
Earthquake was the first movie to be presented in Sensurround, an experience that involved using 10 large subwoofers placed strategically around theaters emitting barely audible rumbles that would be felt by audience members as a means to truly make this an experience to remember. Although this in and of itself has nothing to do with the man we were honoring, it reminds us of how many films Mr. Heston made that stood apart from everything else that was being made in some small way... partly because he was in them.
As for me, I'll always remember that Earthquake featured the coolest camera lens blood splatter of it's era, and of course the legend Chuck Heston. I hate to spoil a movie that was made 34 years ago but we (Hero Stew, Big C, and I) didn't realize we were screening a film where Chuck doesn't survive through the final frame. His final moments were quietly heroic but undeniably Chuck and left enough ambiguity that we as an audience could wonder... did he make it?
I realize this is more about the movie than the man, I hope that this will nudge my fellow contributors to add some thoughts about Chuck as well.
Last night the Cirque du Jerks got together to bid a fond farewell Charelton Heston. We did this in a manner we felt most fitting, by enjoying one of his many fine movies. Hero Stew found a copy of disaster classic Earthquake, made way back in 1974.
This is the film that is the mold for how it's been done since. It didn't hurt that Mario Puzo (yes that Mario Puzu) wrote the first draft of the script. It probably didn't help that he was unable to continue working on this film when they had to modify the script to bring the budget down (Mr. Puzo was contractually obligated to The Godfather II). What I wouldn't give to see his draft of the script though as we can only speculate what part, if any of Puzo's original ideas for this thrilling epic survived the 11 subsequent drafts the script went through before finally getting shot.
Earthquake was the first movie to be presented in Sensurround, an experience that involved using 10 large subwoofers placed strategically around theaters emitting barely audible rumbles that would be felt by audience members as a means to truly make this an experience to remember. Although this in and of itself has nothing to do with the man we were honoring, it reminds us of how many films Mr. Heston made that stood apart from everything else that was being made in some small way... partly because he was in them.
As for me, I'll always remember that Earthquake featured the coolest camera lens blood splatter of it's era, and of course the legend Chuck Heston. I hate to spoil a movie that was made 34 years ago but we (Hero Stew, Big C, and I) didn't realize we were screening a film where Chuck doesn't survive through the final frame. His final moments were quietly heroic but undeniably Chuck and left enough ambiguity that we as an audience could wonder... did he make it?
Sunday, April 6, 2008
REVIEW - Superhero Movie
The weekend Superhero Movie opened a rare thing happened. The three guys who watch movies and post reviews on this site all went to see it together. I won't get into the how and why of the three of us seeing a flick like this together as it is more twisted and complex than a Dostoevsky novel... actually Big C and Hero Stew were going to see it and the one of them that isn't Big C offered to pay my way in... but what is important is that the three of us can all post our reviews at once in one post.
Like this -
Big C
Ok so myself, Mr. Blunderson, Senior Stew and his son went to see superhero movie over the weekend. It was quite the "man date" (not like that! Get your mind out of the gutter you pervs.) Now its not a secret that I like the spoof movies so I went to see this for that reason and some others that I wont mention at this time. This movie should have been one of the great spoof movies if they didn't stick so closely to just one superhero movie. Aside from some 'long winded' fart jokes and some obvious physical humor the story was ok not great. I will most likely not see this one again and you shouldn't see it unless you are looking to bring pain to your eyes and brain.
Hero Stew
My feelings on Superhero Movie were the same as my co-conspirators. WTF? I had hoped they would have stayed further from a straight rip-off of Spiderman the movie. Since I liked the cast and villain/hero designs. With Zucker and Leslie Nielsen on board I expected more of a Police Squad type of film. A parody of a genre rather than point for point plagiarism with fart jokes.
Mr. Blunderson
In the car I mentioned that this film had not been screened for critics and speculated that there is a good chance it shouldn't be screened by anyone. I wasn't planning on being right, I was only intendning to make a joke...
oy.
Like this -
Big C
Ok so myself, Mr. Blunderson, Senior Stew and his son went to see superhero movie over the weekend. It was quite the "man date" (not like that! Get your mind out of the gutter you pervs.) Now its not a secret that I like the spoof movies so I went to see this for that reason and some others that I wont mention at this time. This movie should have been one of the great spoof movies if they didn't stick so closely to just one superhero movie. Aside from some 'long winded' fart jokes and some obvious physical humor the story was ok not great. I will most likely not see this one again and you shouldn't see it unless you are looking to bring pain to your eyes and brain.
Hero Stew
My feelings on Superhero Movie were the same as my co-conspirators. WTF? I had hoped they would have stayed further from a straight rip-off of Spiderman the movie. Since I liked the cast and villain/hero designs. With Zucker and Leslie Nielsen on board I expected more of a Police Squad type of film. A parody of a genre rather than point for point plagiarism with fart jokes.
Mr. Blunderson
In the car I mentioned that this film had not been screened for critics and speculated that there is a good chance it shouldn't be screened by anyone. I wasn't planning on being right, I was only intendning to make a joke...
oy.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Word from Big C vol. 16
Big C Reviews Android Apocalypse (TV movie, Red Box Rental)
Ok so this one caught my eye when I read that Joseph Lawrence of Blossom and Chris Jericho of WWE fame had starring rolls in this sci-fi epic I had to rent and watch it. The story of this one is one that has been played out time and time again (like in the matrix) androids are secretly plotting to take over the world but there is a twist they want to be as human as possible, they even go as far as experimenting on humans that have been found guilty of murder and other heinous crimes. Joseph Lawrence plays DeeCee one of the most advanced androids ever created (I always thought that he had no emotions whatsoever). During a rescue mission he is damaged and sent for repairs, and to kill two birds with one stone Scott Bairstow's character Jute an avid android hater is convicted of murdering Chris Jericho's character TeeDee an android (WTF they are not alive but whatever) that can fight with humans which androids are not supposed to do is chained to DeeCee and during transport their transport is attacked by rouge drones and destroyed to make a long story short DeeCee wants to be a real boy and Jute helps him elude and finally escape the other androids and defeat the once human that has some how turned himself into an android. This is one of the best movies that I have ever seen with Joseph Lawrence staring in it but its probably the only one I have ever seen.
Ok so this one caught my eye when I read that Joseph Lawrence of Blossom and Chris Jericho of WWE fame had starring rolls in this sci-fi epic I had to rent and watch it. The story of this one is one that has been played out time and time again (like in the matrix) androids are secretly plotting to take over the world but there is a twist they want to be as human as possible, they even go as far as experimenting on humans that have been found guilty of murder and other heinous crimes. Joseph Lawrence plays DeeCee one of the most advanced androids ever created (I always thought that he had no emotions whatsoever). During a rescue mission he is damaged and sent for repairs, and to kill two birds with one stone Scott Bairstow's character Jute an avid android hater is convicted of murdering Chris Jericho's character TeeDee an android (WTF they are not alive but whatever) that can fight with humans which androids are not supposed to do is chained to DeeCee and during transport their transport is attacked by rouge drones and destroyed to make a long story short DeeCee wants to be a real boy and Jute helps him elude and finally escape the other androids and defeat the once human that has some how turned himself into an android. This is one of the best movies that I have ever seen with Joseph Lawrence staring in it but its probably the only one I have ever seen.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Next
When I am not buying DVD's I watch a little of Comcast On-Demand. Sometimes. So today I watched Nicolas Cage's movie "NEXT"
The premise is that Cage can see two weeks into his own future. The FBI enlist his help to find some nukes smuggled into the U.S. by Russians. Since he cannot see into any other future than his own the writers needed to find some way >yawn<. Excuse me. Some way to get him personally involved. Enter the love story. The love interest is played by Jessica Biel.
In less than three days Biel's character falls madly in love with Cage in a way more appropriate to a relationship that has stood the test of time. Since Cage's abilities are known to the Russians, they attempt to get Cage but kidnap his girl instead >yawn<. Excuse me. Now Cage is involved and goes with the FBI to get his girl and stop the evil Ruskies. I understand his powers help him know where the next punch is coming from. But they never explain how he becomes a master of hand to hand combat as he takes out six armed military guards.
Since he can see into his own personal future, he goes with a FBI team to save his woman. During a massive shoot out he stands dead center chest out never dodging bullets. Since he knows who is going to shoot from where and when.
But wait. After saving the girl Cage realizes he made >yawn<>yawn<. Excuse me. He made a mistake. There is an interesting twist at the end and some good action sequences. But the >yawn<>yawn< in between make it a weak mooooZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzzzz double cheese Zzzzzzzz burger Zzzzzzzzzz Jessica Alba ZzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzz
The premise is that Cage can see two weeks into his own future. The FBI enlist his help to find some nukes smuggled into the U.S. by Russians. Since he cannot see into any other future than his own the writers needed to find some way >yawn<. Excuse me. Some way to get him personally involved. Enter the love story. The love interest is played by Jessica Biel.
In less than three days Biel's character falls madly in love with Cage in a way more appropriate to a relationship that has stood the test of time. Since Cage's abilities are known to the Russians, they attempt to get Cage but kidnap his girl instead >yawn<. Excuse me. Now Cage is involved and goes with the FBI to get his girl and stop the evil Ruskies. I understand his powers help him know where the next punch is coming from. But they never explain how he becomes a master of hand to hand combat as he takes out six armed military guards.
Since he can see into his own personal future, he goes with a FBI team to save his woman. During a massive shoot out he stands dead center chest out never dodging bullets. Since he knows who is going to shoot from where and when.
But wait. After saving the girl Cage realizes he made >yawn<>yawn<. Excuse me. He made a mistake. There is an interesting twist at the end and some good action sequences. But the >yawn<>yawn< in between make it a weak mooooZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzzzzz double cheese Zzzzzzzz burger Zzzzzzzzzz Jessica Alba ZzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzz Zzzzzzzz
Friday, March 28, 2008
Master Of The Flying Guillotine
Over the last weekend I got my Kung Fu on. I picked up a couple of martial art film classics and here is my review of one. HEE-YA!!!!
Master Of The Flying Guillotine:
I came across this lost gem much by accident. I hadn't seen this movie since the 70's. The one thing I always remembered about it was an Indian character who could stretch his arms while fighting. The inspiration for the Street Fighter video games. With CGI not even a thought, this character was very cool using practical FX. I still found this film fun and entertaining after all these years. The director writer and star Jimmy Wang Yu gave guys like Jackie Chan their start and created a popular franchise of his own in the form of the one armed boxer. As the one armed boxer, Jimmy is targeted by a blind master who seeks revenge for the deaths of his two disciples. The blind master's weapon? Think of it as a hat connected to a long thin chain. When thrown onto an opponents head, the blind master pulls the chain, AND OFF COMES THE HEAD! Since this is an old independent flick the realism in the decapitations are a bit laughable. But it is all a part of the fun. The movie really shines at the very end when the one armed boxer sets up a virtual gauntlet to defeat the blind master. Very well thought out and a testament to Jimmy Wang Yu's abilities as a film maker. If you like classic camp and martial arts, you MUST seek out this movie.
Master Of The Flying Guillotine:
I came across this lost gem much by accident. I hadn't seen this movie since the 70's. The one thing I always remembered about it was an Indian character who could stretch his arms while fighting. The inspiration for the Street Fighter video games. With CGI not even a thought, this character was very cool using practical FX. I still found this film fun and entertaining after all these years. The director writer and star Jimmy Wang Yu gave guys like Jackie Chan their start and created a popular franchise of his own in the form of the one armed boxer. As the one armed boxer, Jimmy is targeted by a blind master who seeks revenge for the deaths of his two disciples. The blind master's weapon? Think of it as a hat connected to a long thin chain. When thrown onto an opponents head, the blind master pulls the chain, AND OFF COMES THE HEAD! Since this is an old independent flick the realism in the decapitations are a bit laughable. But it is all a part of the fun. The movie really shines at the very end when the one armed boxer sets up a virtual gauntlet to defeat the blind master. Very well thought out and a testament to Jimmy Wang Yu's abilities as a film maker. If you like classic camp and martial arts, you MUST seek out this movie.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
DVDs I Bought
Here are some short reviews of DVDs I bought over the weekend. Reviews for all my friends who suck and admitted won't read my entire reviews (sticks out bottom lip) if they are too long.
So here it goes chumps:
Delta Farce
Makes Pauly Shore's In The Army Now look like Apocalypse Now. Jokes you can see coming before you put the DVD in. Danny Trejo as a terrorist named Carlos Santana probably owns the funniest moments in the film. He sings I Will Survive. My 12 year old son loved it.
Hot Rod
I have to admit I liked this movie. Very subtle humor. I would watch it again for repeat laughs.
No Country For Old Men
Awesome movie. Disturbing. Thought provoking. Flawless. If you like movies that don't suck this is the one for you. It made me want to read the book it is based on. I haven't seen all the Oscar nominated movies yet because Cinemark likes to give 4 screens to CRAP! But as far as I can tell, this movie deserved all it won.
King Of Kong
A great movie/documentary about the battle between good and evil with the old Donkey Kong video game as the battle field. This is an Everyman's story that anybody can relate to made more entertaining by its subject matter.
South Park Imaginationland
The end all of pop culture parody toons. I loved these three episodes when first aired on Comedy Central and loved them more on DVD. Instead of the traditional South Park opener each episode begins with a new opener paying homage to film's biggest blockbusters. Ronald McDonald looses an arm. Strawberry Shortcake is tortured by terrorist who are attacking our imaginations. They pull out her eye and then urinate in her eye socket. Kurt Russell is raped by woodland creatures. All this while Cartman tries to force Kyle to suck his balls after loosing a bet. That is just a couple of instances of the depravity that occurs. With appearances by Luke Skywalker, Snarf, Popeye, Wonder Woman, Freddy Krueger, and Man Bear Pig just to name a few.
The Ten
This film stars Paul Rudd. I know that should end this review. Since all things Paul Rudd are glorious. So fuck you! This film is made up of ten separate stories each tackling a commandment from the Bible. It has some funny moments and some lulls. BUT! The last scene with naked male companionship is well worth your scratch. Bottoms up is all I am going to say.
Fat Albert And The Cosby Kids
No not the live action movie. I have been coveting this previously viewed collection on sale at Blockbuster for some time. I finally bought them. A great trip down nostalgia lane. I think these toons still hold up and do teach some valuable lessons. Can you believe that a network actually turned down these toons back in the seventies because they were TOO educational. But unless you can get these cheap, don't buy them. "But Hero Stew. You said these toons were Awesome." SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME EXPLAIN YOU DOUCHE!!! Another company has picked up these toons and will release them as seasons. So you may want to hold up. But for me. I don't trust the new company to NOT release them as flipper discs. You know. No art on either side. I HATE THAT!
Sorry if those reviews seemed too long my friends. Now I will go to YOUR blogs and read and savor any new content you may have. Short or long. Because that is the kind of friend I am.
So here it goes chumps:
Delta Farce
Makes Pauly Shore's In The Army Now look like Apocalypse Now. Jokes you can see coming before you put the DVD in. Danny Trejo as a terrorist named Carlos Santana probably owns the funniest moments in the film. He sings I Will Survive. My 12 year old son loved it.
Hot Rod
I have to admit I liked this movie. Very subtle humor. I would watch it again for repeat laughs.
No Country For Old Men
Awesome movie. Disturbing. Thought provoking. Flawless. If you like movies that don't suck this is the one for you. It made me want to read the book it is based on. I haven't seen all the Oscar nominated movies yet because Cinemark likes to give 4 screens to CRAP! But as far as I can tell, this movie deserved all it won.
King Of Kong
A great movie/documentary about the battle between good and evil with the old Donkey Kong video game as the battle field. This is an Everyman's story that anybody can relate to made more entertaining by its subject matter.
South Park Imaginationland
The end all of pop culture parody toons. I loved these three episodes when first aired on Comedy Central and loved them more on DVD. Instead of the traditional South Park opener each episode begins with a new opener paying homage to film's biggest blockbusters. Ronald McDonald looses an arm. Strawberry Shortcake is tortured by terrorist who are attacking our imaginations. They pull out her eye and then urinate in her eye socket. Kurt Russell is raped by woodland creatures. All this while Cartman tries to force Kyle to suck his balls after loosing a bet. That is just a couple of instances of the depravity that occurs. With appearances by Luke Skywalker, Snarf, Popeye, Wonder Woman, Freddy Krueger, and Man Bear Pig just to name a few.
The Ten
This film stars Paul Rudd. I know that should end this review. Since all things Paul Rudd are glorious. So fuck you! This film is made up of ten separate stories each tackling a commandment from the Bible. It has some funny moments and some lulls. BUT! The last scene with naked male companionship is well worth your scratch. Bottoms up is all I am going to say.
Fat Albert And The Cosby Kids
No not the live action movie. I have been coveting this previously viewed collection on sale at Blockbuster for some time. I finally bought them. A great trip down nostalgia lane. I think these toons still hold up and do teach some valuable lessons. Can you believe that a network actually turned down these toons back in the seventies because they were TOO educational. But unless you can get these cheap, don't buy them. "But Hero Stew. You said these toons were Awesome." SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME EXPLAIN YOU DOUCHE!!! Another company has picked up these toons and will release them as seasons. So you may want to hold up. But for me. I don't trust the new company to NOT release them as flipper discs. You know. No art on either side. I HATE THAT!
Sorry if those reviews seemed too long my friends. Now I will go to YOUR blogs and read and savor any new content you may have. Short or long. Because that is the kind of friend I am.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
what is with the net?
by Mr. Blunderson
They must be bucking for a Pulitzer over at Ain't It Cool News. Contributor "Merrick" posted a tidbit about Len Wiseman's next movie being a shot at redemption after Live Free or Die Hard...
When redeeming yourself means returning to the form presented in the Underworld franchise then poke me in the eyes so I can't see any more movies.
Are you kidding me?!
They must be bucking for a Pulitzer over at Ain't It Cool News. Contributor "Merrick" posted a tidbit about Len Wiseman's next movie being a shot at redemption after Live Free or Die Hard...
When redeeming yourself means returning to the form presented in the Underworld franchise then poke me in the eyes so I can't see any more movies.
Are you kidding me?!
Saturday, March 8, 2008
The Bank Job
Friday March 7th at the movies. For me the choices were 10,000 B.C. or Jason Statham's new flick The Bank Job.
The plot:
A car dealer with a dodgy past and new family, Terry (Jason Statham) has always avoided major-league scams. But when Martine, a beautiful model from his old neighborhood, offers him a lead on a foolproof bank hit on London's Baker Street, Terry recognizes the opportunity of a lifetime. Martine targets a roomful of safe deposit boxes worth millions in cash and jewelry. But Terry and his crew don't realize the boxes also contain a treasure trove of dirty secrets - secrets that will thrust them into a deadly web of corruption and illicit scandal that spans London's criminal underworld, the highest echelons of the British government, and the Royal Family itself.....
I was in the mood for some action and grit. So I opted for this Statham flick.... and didn't get it. I found that by the time the movie had ended, all the action in the film, was in the movie trailer. This movie plays more like a Ocean's 11 movie with out the wit or charm. It's a British bank heist movie with Jason Statham playing a clever average guy. No super heroics in here or Transporter like car chases.
Having said that, it wasn't a bad movie. It just plays straight. No fancy camera work. No snappy dialog. No stand out performances. It's just an average movie relating actual events. Not a movie that requires or makes any use of a big screen or a big sound system. The same can be said for many comedies. But those films are often made better by a vocal audience. There was nothing in this movie for an audience as a whole to get excited about.
My only REAL gripe was when the action finally happened in the last 10 minutes. It seemed out of place. Up until that point, Statham was playing an every man type. But then in the finale he takes on at least 4 guys at the same time in a fashion more appropriate to his Transporter character. It was a great sequence, but not right for this 'safe' movie.
I would suggest this movie to those who like heist films with some twists and to those who like seventies thrillers when flat performances were king.
A good movie. But forgettable.
The plot:
A car dealer with a dodgy past and new family, Terry (Jason Statham) has always avoided major-league scams. But when Martine, a beautiful model from his old neighborhood, offers him a lead on a foolproof bank hit on London's Baker Street, Terry recognizes the opportunity of a lifetime. Martine targets a roomful of safe deposit boxes worth millions in cash and jewelry. But Terry and his crew don't realize the boxes also contain a treasure trove of dirty secrets - secrets that will thrust them into a deadly web of corruption and illicit scandal that spans London's criminal underworld, the highest echelons of the British government, and the Royal Family itself.....
I was in the mood for some action and grit. So I opted for this Statham flick.... and didn't get it. I found that by the time the movie had ended, all the action in the film, was in the movie trailer. This movie plays more like a Ocean's 11 movie with out the wit or charm. It's a British bank heist movie with Jason Statham playing a clever average guy. No super heroics in here or Transporter like car chases.
Having said that, it wasn't a bad movie. It just plays straight. No fancy camera work. No snappy dialog. No stand out performances. It's just an average movie relating actual events. Not a movie that requires or makes any use of a big screen or a big sound system. The same can be said for many comedies. But those films are often made better by a vocal audience. There was nothing in this movie for an audience as a whole to get excited about.
My only REAL gripe was when the action finally happened in the last 10 minutes. It seemed out of place. Up until that point, Statham was playing an every man type. But then in the finale he takes on at least 4 guys at the same time in a fashion more appropriate to his Transporter character. It was a great sequence, but not right for this 'safe' movie.
I would suggest this movie to those who like heist films with some twists and to those who like seventies thrillers when flat performances were king.
A good movie. But forgettable.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Word from Big C vol. 15
From Big C
Bring It On: In It To Win It
The Amateurs
Word from Mr. Blunderson - Bring It On: In It To Win It? Dude, are you serious? I'll concede that there may have been some eye candy there but at the same time you have to ask yourself what the cost of seeing this movie was... and I do not mean the dollar you dropped for it at Redbox.
Big Bad Wolf
This one fits in the same category as Black Sheep except it is not as classy or rockin. It has many elements that make a great movie but they just don't fall into place. For instance, the big creepy of this movie is a werewolf but he talks. Now werewolves are not supposed to talk (except Tim wolf because he is in a constant place somewhere between sweet werewolf and Tim) not to mention be so god damn horny that there are three to four times the big creepy gives his hairy meat saber to some very lovely ladies. With all that said this one is OK for a Redbox rental but if you wast your money on buying this its your fault.
Bring It On: In It To Win It
Just two words to say on this one: Hot Cheerleaders!!!
The Amateurs
I need to admit that i rented this one hoping to see some nudity but thankfully did not. You might be wondering why i would say that but in my opinion it would have made the movie cheep. With a ton of what some might call hasbeens but i call stars such as Jeff Bridges, Joe Pantoliano, William Fichtner, Ted Danson, Tim Blake Nelson just to name a few. This movie is so great and well put together that it feels like you are a bystander in the lives of these people. Definitely a gotta watch at least once.
Word from Mr. Blunderson - Bring It On: In It To Win It? Dude, are you serious? I'll concede that there may have been some eye candy there but at the same time you have to ask yourself what the cost of seeing this movie was... and I do not mean the dollar you dropped for it at Redbox.
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