Death Race (2008) a.k.a. Death Race 3000
I saw the movie this one was based on (Death Race 2000) and this one doesn't compare, for one no scoring system and the "death race" is confined to an island and not across the country putting Innocent lives in jeopardy and last but not least "Machine Gun Joe" isn't Sylvester Stallone and "Frankenstein" wasn't David Carradine. Having said that this movie was full of some sweet action and plenty of violence, blood and death. Classic Jason Statham when he is not in the sweet Ford Mustang, even Tyrese Gibson was enjoyable as Machine Gun Joe. The few times you see females in this movie are nice but not much else so don't see this movie if you want to see hot ladies but if you want to see some sweet stunt driving and senseless violence this is the movie for you.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Super Bowl 09
by Mr. Blunderson
I'm not going to pretend for a second that anyone is interested in the old cliche that the adds are the best part of the Super Bowl. Why? Well, because... duh... unless you care about football then that's the only reason you're watching the Super Bowl. Why would I even bring that up here? Because as my good friend Hero Stew pointed out on his blog before it traveled to an alternate universe, today is the day when studios start plugging the living crap out of their big spring and summer releases.
Remember back in the day? You know, right before George Lucas not only ruined his legacy but threw it on the ground and took a Jar-Jar-sized poop on it? I'm talking about a quiet Sunday back in 1999 when millions of unsuspecting viewers were bitch-slapped with their first look at a bizarre and mind-blowing commercial for an action movie with that guy that said "Dude!" a lot. This wasn't the first time a studio had been able to capture the imagination of the masses with an awesome commercial, but this is the one I remember best.
But the past is quickly fading into a haze of beer and chicken wings, so I'll get to the point here. Movies and the Super Bowl today. Studios pay big bucks to get our attention despite the fact that we live in the age of media bombardment--oh who am I kidding, it's more of a media enema since some of the movies advertised today have already been shoved up our asses by TV, the internet and those cool little previews they show before movies in the theater but after the coke commercials...
And here are my thoughts on what we saw...
Angels & Demons
Based on the book that came before the Da Vinci Code, all I can gather from this spot is that Tom Hanks has ditched the euro-mullet and--more importantly--Ron Howard doesn't seem to be interested in making movies I care to see anymore.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Can we just call this movie I can't believe I'm going to shell out 20 bucks for a movie by that ass-clown Michael Bay AGAIN because I love my son and he will desperately want to see it. Looks like more of the same to me, but since Mr. Bay is always out to top himself this will indeed be the worst movie he's ever made...
until he makes another one.
A bunch of stuff will get blown up, planes will land in the sunset, and the editing will throw me into a seizure.
Land of the Lost
If Will Farrell was here right now I'd kiss him on the mouth. Even his misfires are 10 times as awesome as most movies. What I like about this spot is that my kids will dig it (like Kicking and Screaming - yes, sue me) and ease the pain of having to wait until they are old enough to enjoy his masterpieces.
Oh yeah, and Matt Lauer can EAT IT!
Up!
I love Pixar but they definitely fall into the category of titles that have been shoved up my ass. But since Disney markets their films that way and it can't be helped, and more importantly since Pixar has't let me down yet, Up! is going to get a huge pass. It looks to be yet another foray into unconventional storytelling. I can't wait to see Pixar do 3D, since they do everything else so damn well.
G.I. Joe
Knowing this movie will suck ass is half the battle.
Fast and the Furious X (I think it's only IV but it feels like X)
This one at least unites the original players Paul walker and Vin Diesel in an effort to recapture the magic of the first film in the franchise. That film was loud, fast, and really really dumb but god help me I loved it. I won't see this one until it is on DVD but compared to G.I. Joe this is going to look like Fellini.
The Year One
I have not laughed this hard in a while. Jack Black and Michael Cera in biblical times... If you've seen the clip with Cain and Able online then you know the tone of this movie... and that it will be hilarious. I have to admit I might be most impressed with this spot because it didn't contain 8,000 quick cuts.
Monsters Vs Aliens
Dreamworks is really hit and miss as far as I'm concerned when it comes to their animated fare. Shrek and Shrek 2 were good, Kung Fu panda was awesome. Shrek 3 was crap and Madagascar made me wish the butter that was on my popcorn would kill me before the movie was over and I didn't even bother seeing Shark Tale cause I just didn't care. Monsters Vs Aliens has been crammed so far up my butt that the only thing that's farther up there is Will Smith, but unless the world ends before this film is released I'm going to see it. And thanks to Big C and Hero Stew for the 3D glasses.
Star Trek
I saved this one for last. Good hell, I'm tempted to track down this spot on the internet to find out what the hell I supposedly saw but I worry I can't afford to lose anymore brain cells. I get that this movie is being marketed as big and exciting but I would rather see less cool stuff being blasted at my eyes and ears in a 30 second TV spot. I just hope that JJ Abrams made a Star Trek movie, but so far I still can't tell. I don't mind him bringing his own flare and perspective to the table, but I'd hate to see this movie alienate a fanbase that has already had to weather the last two movies.
I was really hoping we'd get something more out of this particular spot but that is what I get for hoping.
Right?
Well that's all I saw folks, if I missed anything feel free to let me know. Overall I'd say the spots were pretty average. The only film that I truly feel compelled to see based on a Super Bowl add is The Year One. Monsters vs Aliens was fun and my kids dug the 3D gimmick but the add one this day didn't actually have anything to do with whether or not I will see this movie. Up! added about 5 new seconds to stuff we've all seen before so thanks for that Disney, but again this is a movie I was going to see anyway.
As for the rest... maybe I'm getting old or perhaps I've simply had it with the way movies are being made and marketed these days. Last year I went to the theater less than ever and I didn't miss much. From my vantage point based on these previews it looks like this year will offer much, much more of the same.
Only possibly worse.
I'm not going to pretend for a second that anyone is interested in the old cliche that the adds are the best part of the Super Bowl. Why? Well, because... duh... unless you care about football then that's the only reason you're watching the Super Bowl. Why would I even bring that up here? Because as my good friend Hero Stew pointed out on his blog before it traveled to an alternate universe, today is the day when studios start plugging the living crap out of their big spring and summer releases.
Remember back in the day? You know, right before George Lucas not only ruined his legacy but threw it on the ground and took a Jar-Jar-sized poop on it? I'm talking about a quiet Sunday back in 1999 when millions of unsuspecting viewers were bitch-slapped with their first look at a bizarre and mind-blowing commercial for an action movie with that guy that said "Dude!" a lot. This wasn't the first time a studio had been able to capture the imagination of the masses with an awesome commercial, but this is the one I remember best.
But the past is quickly fading into a haze of beer and chicken wings, so I'll get to the point here. Movies and the Super Bowl today. Studios pay big bucks to get our attention despite the fact that we live in the age of media bombardment--oh who am I kidding, it's more of a media enema since some of the movies advertised today have already been shoved up our asses by TV, the internet and those cool little previews they show before movies in the theater but after the coke commercials...
And here are my thoughts on what we saw...
Angels & Demons
Based on the book that came before the Da Vinci Code, all I can gather from this spot is that Tom Hanks has ditched the euro-mullet and--more importantly--Ron Howard doesn't seem to be interested in making movies I care to see anymore.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Can we just call this movie I can't believe I'm going to shell out 20 bucks for a movie by that ass-clown Michael Bay AGAIN because I love my son and he will desperately want to see it. Looks like more of the same to me, but since Mr. Bay is always out to top himself this will indeed be the worst movie he's ever made...
until he makes another one.
A bunch of stuff will get blown up, planes will land in the sunset, and the editing will throw me into a seizure.
Land of the Lost
If Will Farrell was here right now I'd kiss him on the mouth. Even his misfires are 10 times as awesome as most movies. What I like about this spot is that my kids will dig it (like Kicking and Screaming - yes, sue me) and ease the pain of having to wait until they are old enough to enjoy his masterpieces.
Oh yeah, and Matt Lauer can EAT IT!
Up!
I love Pixar but they definitely fall into the category of titles that have been shoved up my ass. But since Disney markets their films that way and it can't be helped, and more importantly since Pixar has't let me down yet, Up! is going to get a huge pass. It looks to be yet another foray into unconventional storytelling. I can't wait to see Pixar do 3D, since they do everything else so damn well.
G.I. Joe
Knowing this movie will suck ass is half the battle.
Fast and the Furious X (I think it's only IV but it feels like X)
This one at least unites the original players Paul walker and Vin Diesel in an effort to recapture the magic of the first film in the franchise. That film was loud, fast, and really really dumb but god help me I loved it. I won't see this one until it is on DVD but compared to G.I. Joe this is going to look like Fellini.
The Year One
I have not laughed this hard in a while. Jack Black and Michael Cera in biblical times... If you've seen the clip with Cain and Able online then you know the tone of this movie... and that it will be hilarious. I have to admit I might be most impressed with this spot because it didn't contain 8,000 quick cuts.
Monsters Vs Aliens
Dreamworks is really hit and miss as far as I'm concerned when it comes to their animated fare. Shrek and Shrek 2 were good, Kung Fu panda was awesome. Shrek 3 was crap and Madagascar made me wish the butter that was on my popcorn would kill me before the movie was over and I didn't even bother seeing Shark Tale cause I just didn't care. Monsters Vs Aliens has been crammed so far up my butt that the only thing that's farther up there is Will Smith, but unless the world ends before this film is released I'm going to see it. And thanks to Big C and Hero Stew for the 3D glasses.
Star Trek
I saved this one for last. Good hell, I'm tempted to track down this spot on the internet to find out what the hell I supposedly saw but I worry I can't afford to lose anymore brain cells. I get that this movie is being marketed as big and exciting but I would rather see less cool stuff being blasted at my eyes and ears in a 30 second TV spot. I just hope that JJ Abrams made a Star Trek movie, but so far I still can't tell. I don't mind him bringing his own flare and perspective to the table, but I'd hate to see this movie alienate a fanbase that has already had to weather the last two movies.
I was really hoping we'd get something more out of this particular spot but that is what I get for hoping.
Right?
* * *
Well that's all I saw folks, if I missed anything feel free to let me know. Overall I'd say the spots were pretty average. The only film that I truly feel compelled to see based on a Super Bowl add is The Year One. Monsters vs Aliens was fun and my kids dug the 3D gimmick but the add one this day didn't actually have anything to do with whether or not I will see this movie. Up! added about 5 new seconds to stuff we've all seen before so thanks for that Disney, but again this is a movie I was going to see anyway.
As for the rest... maybe I'm getting old or perhaps I've simply had it with the way movies are being made and marketed these days. Last year I went to the theater less than ever and I didn't miss much. From my vantage point based on these previews it looks like this year will offer much, much more of the same.
Only possibly worse.
Word From Big C. Vol 30
Balls Out: Gary the Tennis Coach
Ok I had a little bit of a dilemma on whether or not to rent this motion picture, for the "rent it" side it had Seann William Scott in it and for the"lets not" side it is about tennis. Some of the elements that made this movie enjoyable are foreign exchange student that is a ping pong champ, beer and beef jerky, midget innuendos and athletic supporters. I was indeed very happy after viewing this funny movie and I believe that you will like this movie.
Max Payne
I was disappointed at Mila Kunis performance because I read and heard that she was "SO hot and awesome for she was barely more then a secondary character for me. Other then that Mark Wahlberg and Beau Bridges stole this movie. See this one just for action and such.
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
I am a big fan of the Underworld franchise so when I found out about this movie I was so excited that I almost creamed my shorts. With that said I really enjoyed this movie aside from some minor inconsistencies with the previous movies (as I mentioned in an earlier post that young kids should not be in R rated movies) the fucking annoying 5 year old girl to my left doing basically whatever the fuck she wanted to do and as Herostew called him Coronal Mustard to our right eating what seemed like a fucking 7 coarse meal all wrapped in tin foil and plastic bags. Now back to Underworld the practical effects are SO sweet that I indeed came a little, the gore was plentiful but not too much that it overpowered the story, the shit they did with giant crossbows was fucking amazing. Oh My God this post is long so I am ending it here. SEE THIS MOVIE EVERYONE.
Ok I had a little bit of a dilemma on whether or not to rent this motion picture, for the "rent it" side it had Seann William Scott in it and for the"lets not" side it is about tennis. Some of the elements that made this movie enjoyable are foreign exchange student that is a ping pong champ, beer and beef jerky, midget innuendos and athletic supporters. I was indeed very happy after viewing this funny movie and I believe that you will like this movie.
Max Payne
I was disappointed at Mila Kunis performance because I read and heard that she was "SO hot and awesome for she was barely more then a secondary character for me. Other then that Mark Wahlberg and Beau Bridges stole this movie. See this one just for action and such.
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
I am a big fan of the Underworld franchise so when I found out about this movie I was so excited that I almost creamed my shorts. With that said I really enjoyed this movie aside from some minor inconsistencies with the previous movies (as I mentioned in an earlier post that young kids should not be in R rated movies) the fucking annoying 5 year old girl to my left doing basically whatever the fuck she wanted to do and as Herostew called him Coronal Mustard to our right eating what seemed like a fucking 7 coarse meal all wrapped in tin foil and plastic bags. Now back to Underworld the practical effects are SO sweet that I indeed came a little, the gore was plentiful but not too much that it overpowered the story, the shit they did with giant crossbows was fucking amazing. Oh My God this post is long so I am ending it here. SEE THIS MOVIE EVERYONE.
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