REVIEW - Santa's Slay

By Mr. Blunderson

When you consider all the Christmas movies--especially in the horror genre--it is easy yet sad to say that there is a lot of crap out there. Santa's Slay is an unapologetically bad Christmas movie, which may have a lot to do with how much I enjoyed watching it. First five minutes alone you get to see Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, and (I am not even kidding you here) James Caan, get their asses ended by a great big Jewish Professional Wrestler playing a wickedly evil and hysterical Santa Clause. Even if the rest of the 78 minute runtime had been complete crap, it still would have been worth the price of the rental.

Bill Goldberg (starring as the man in the red suit) kicks ass in a world where Santa has only been nice for all these years because he lost a bet. When the terms of that bet expire he is once again free to kick the living shit out the naughty and the nice. Santa's Slay is fun enough that even an art house movie snob such as myself can let go of the fact that it was produced by Bret Ratner. 78 minutes may seem a bit short for a feature film, but at that length it doesn't wear it's welcome.

This movie has everything - the cringe inducing one-liners, curling, Dave Thomas, wolverine leftovers, strippers, a helldeer that eats people, THE Greatest American Heros, claymation, death by menorah, proof that cops can be Cocks, shitty spoiled kids opening the presents they really deserve, old people swearing (it is a weakness but I will never tire of it), not to mention the most important lesson of all: always sanitize a stripper pole before you use it to beat the shit out of anyone. Either that or use some really thick gloves, I suppose. Oh yeah, and don't forget when the kids tried to lose the bad guy by copying moves from Top Gun. That is one of my favorite "inside" moments in all cinema.

It's not going to win any Oscars, but this is certainly a shit load of fun. If you don't like it, I can't hold it against you but if you did you understand why I gave this movie an "Oh Hells Yes!" on the Mr. Blunderson scale.

note - I can't believe I forgot to mention the man, the myth, the legend Robert Culp. I'm adding this bit after being chastised by Hero Stew in my comments section. Here is one of the great character actors of all time and I left him out of the review. Besides all of his other credits, he played a killer on Colombo not once, not twice but three times muchachos! If this iconic name in entertainment doesn't ring any bells, check this out and pay your respects to a Hollywood legend. Just one more reason that Santa's Slay is so damn fun.