Review - ANGST

by Mr. Blunderson

Editors Note - There are nearly 8,000 movies titled Angst so to clear up any confusion, this is the film from 2003 that was originally titled Penetration Angst.

First of all, I can only imagine my thoughts as an actress auditioning for the lead in a movie written by a German produced in the UK called Penetration Angst. At what juncture exactly does my brain click with the thought screaming "I must have this part!"

I first saw the box for this DVD over a year ago at my local movie dealer. My wife and I both laughed hysterically at the blurb on the back. Now, I can honestly say "what the hell was I thinking?!" When you read a box cover that shamelessly announces that the female protagonist "... finds herself having intimacy problems with men. Her private parts are devouring all lovers and leaving her with an insatiable thirst for blood, In order to satisfy her cravings, she Becomes a prostitue which leads to a death filled take of murder, madness, and sex." one is left to wonder why it is you don't already own eight or nine copies of this movie already. Now that I have actually seen it I can only tell you that it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

But I did think it would be really bad.

As I watch the credits roll on this bad boy I can't believe this isn't the worst movie movie I've ever seen. Clearly this is not American cinema (thank god!) and if you watched the first five minutes and then were told the circumstances of the conclusion you would not think it even possible to have gotten from point a to point B but believe it or not it actually almost makes it there in one coherent piece. Sure the script is weak and the boobies are plentiful (as long as you enjoy the tatas of Fiona Horsey) but it could have been so much worse.

My only gripes are that this film was shot with a digital camera and not on actual film. The plot has a severe identity crisis but 'm not sure that's a bad thing. Is it horror? Is it a twisted black comedy? Is it just plain odd? And if it is a horror film, it goes really light on the sauce. The male lead (if you can call him that) is a little disturbing, and his journey reaches the destination of absolute absurdity, but I will concede that is supposed to be part of the fun. Finally, like all movies of this ilk it is breast heavy in the first two acts, followed by none in the final third. But in defense of Angst, it does feature some of the funniest third act male frontal nudity that I've ever seen so it almost makes up for all the shortcomings...

The plot you ask? A young woman named Helen, recovering from a troubling childhood trauma, finds herself with a vagina that devours men whole. I know the blurb calls them "lovers" but in reality none of them were really in that category. Most are degenerates and rapists. The only guy Helen really loves she avoids actually "loving." Of course, that guy's character ends up being quite questionable. But hey, this is German boobie-horror so what the hell am I complaining about?

To tell you any more would ruin the plot more than I already have. Needles to say, this is now my favorite movie that features a talking vagina. As for it's place on the Mr. Blunderson scale, lets give this a "better than it deserves to be" and leave it at that.