Review - Jennifer's Body

by Mr. Blunderson

Is there anything worse than an online movie jerk trashing a flick long after it's crashed and burned at the box office? In the grand scale probably (disease, pestilence, wars, etc.). That said, I'm not sure I can avoid that trap but I'll do the best I can.

First of all I will admit I had several problems with this movie before I ever watched it. These "problems" are biases, which indeed keep me from being a real critic (that and a bunch of other things, sure). Because being a true critic involves a lot more than having an opinion, a keyboard, and a position at "Ain't It Cool News." I know my bio says "the agoraphobic film critic" but that's just because I like the sound of it, the way it rolls off the tongue. I'm not a critic. I'm an asshole with a computer and an internet connection who should probably spend my free time doing just about anything else. But since I don't... well here we go.

First of all, I don't like Megan Fox. I don't find her sexy and I don't want to pay to see her in a movie. Second, I'm already tired of the "wow look at me I'm Diablo Cody I'm so clever and witty blah blah blah." I look forward to looking back at her body of work in 10 years or so and seeing if that is indeed the case.

On the other hand, I wanted to like this movie. Why? Because so many of my favorite movies are horror/comedies. I am one of those rare individuals that can stomach this mysteriously inaccessible genre. In fact, in a sick way I relish that horror/Comedy isn't more popular at the box office which keeps it from becoming tired and and overdone. There is a side of me that wishes people would get over themselves and realize just how fun a movie is that is generally horrific and funny (or vice versa for that matter).

These opposing biases certainly didn't balance each other out but clearly I wasn't completely against Jennifer's Body. Or am I fooling myself?

On to the actual movie - Jennifer's Body tells the story of a high school cheerleader that disappears with a band after a disastrous performance only to reappear later that night possibly possessed by a demon with a bold appetite.

Jennifer's best friend Needy (haha get it?) is then forced to deal not only with the drastic change in the relationship with her life-long friend but also the clear implications of demonic possession as high school boys are being killed, mutilated, and partially eaten.

Since this is a Diablo Cody screenplay, there are all sorts of witty repartee, clever pop-cultural references and incendiary observations. I'd be lying if I said some of the lines didn't make me chuckle, but for every line that made me smile there were five that felt forced and contrived.

The overall experience left me wanting more of everything it could have offered. I would have liked for it to have been funnier, sexier, horror... ier, but sadly the movie doesn't have the balls to push any of those barriers, instead choosing to play it safe resulting in a film that ultimately isn't as interesting or as fun as it would like to be.

Also, why is it that the dowdy friend is sexier than the so-called bomb-shell lead? And here is another movie written by a woman that actually sets feminism back instead of pushing beyond the tired Hollywood BS. I'm sorry, I'm already sick of Diablo Cody. Go away please and take your one-trick pony with you. PS Diablo, I deleted you as a MySpace friend you pretentious sack of pop culture crap.

Jennifer's Body, released on DVD this week, is barely worth a viewing, which is why I rate it a "don't bother" on the Mr. Blunderson Scale.