Worst Sequels Ever - Part I

I have been thinking a lot about bad sequels. I suppose it's hard to bring this topic up without a mention of the Matrix debacle and the Star Wars prequels, but are those really the worst sequels ever made? Perhaps they are in a class of their own, with so many seemingly resting their hopes and dreams upon those particular movies not being complete suck-fests.

Consulting several lists online, I notice one film that appears to be a universal consensus as a horrible sequel is the third Karate Kid movie. This surprises me, since I have recently come to believe that it is actually The Karate Kid, Part II that might be the worst sequel ever.

First of all, let us revisit The Karate Kid. This was a quintessential 80's movie. Cliche's aplenty, certainly dated, but at the time it was an undeniable classic.

New kid in town, lives on the wrong side of the tracks (or in this case Reseda), falls for a girl who has a dick boyfriend, girl is clearly above his lowly rung on the social ladder (her parents are members of the country club for god sakes), kid has to learn to fight with the help of an improbable mentor (why this guy is a handyman at those crappy apartments is beyond me) and overcome all odds to be the best, around, nothings ever going to keep him down... (sorry. Thank you Joe Esposito for that awesome song, although I must admit I'm not sure what you were trying to say there...) Oh right, and I forgot to mention that the kid gets the girl, loses the girl, and then gets her back before facing her dick ex-boyfriend in the karate tournament finals by using some strange, mysterious, super awesome move called the "crane technique" which in hindsight probably was only impressive to anyone who had never seen a movie with actual karate in it.

The second film was highly anticipated. Even as a kid I was ostracized by my peers for thinking that Part II wasn't the best movie ever made. I have since come to believe it is one of the worst.

First of all, it spends way too much time in the opening minutes re-capping what had happened in the first film. How many people missed the first 20 minutes of Part II and had never seen the first film and thought to themselves "what the hell? I can't follow this convoluted Dickensian plot." How many? Really?

Then we get several minutes of what happened directly after the first film. Since the evil sensei needs some further humiliation and Daniel hasn't earned enough respect from the kids in the Cobra Kai, Mr. Miyagi demonstrates he can kick someones ass with out throwing a punch, just moving out of the way at the right time.

Fast forward six months and we get some contrived BS that explains why Elizabeth Shue isn't in the sequel. They spent so much time in the first film proving her character is a girl who isn't into superficial crap that it only makes sense that on prom night she'd wreck Daniel's car then run off with a UCLA football player. Perfect sense.

They also take time explaining why Randee Heller, who played the mom in part one, isn't in the sequel. This involves her getting a job in Fresno. Wow, that's a lot of exposition. A lot. I think most people were concerned about how the Karate Kid would survive in Fresno. Luckily, Mr. Miyagi saves the day when it is revealed he is building an addition to his house so Daniel can stay with him. Everything is going to be okay.

But that's all just a subterfuge. Before that scene is even over Mr. Miyagi gets a blast from the past and has to go back home to Okinawa for his dying father and to perhaps resolve a dispute with his former best friend Plotty McDevice. No not really, his friends name is Sato, and true to the original nature of this film he is also and evil land developer. GASP!

Sato is one of those villains who used to be a good guy until someone sullied his honor. The good news is, it was Mr. Miyagi who did the dishonoring. The bad news, is that Daniel comes along to Okinawa to basically rehash everything that "worked" with the first film, including finding the Okinawa equivalent of Johnny Lawrence.

The best part is that the film ends with a massive storm (Pacific Storm Lame Plot Device) which allows Sato to be rescued by Mr. Miyagi and decide he is tired of being the evil land developer. The storm is so serious the town has a tiny girl climb up a tower to sound the alarm bell so everyone can seek shelter. For some reason the girl stayed in the tower and nearly dies, but is saved by Daniel who didn't get help form Sato's nephew who is then disowned by Sato so that the nephew can have a fight to the death with Daniel in the film's final moments.

Seriously? I wonder what Daniel's mom thought of all this. She's away in Fresno, trying to eek out some sort of life and her son who she left behind has not only decided to blow most of his college money on a plane ticket to Okinawa but while there is involved in one ass kicking after another. Sure Daniel got the better of his rival a few times, but what does this say about parenting? Mr Miyagi stands by while Daniel enters a fight to the death. Now there's some responsibility. Good thing everybody brought their pellet drums or Daniel might have been in some real trouble.

In the final battle, because Sato's nephew isn't bad enough he beats up Daniels Okinawa girlfriend and threatens her with a knife to lure Daniel into the battle to the death. When Daniel finally joins the fight he gets the support of the entire village who play their pellet drums so Daniel can execute the "drum technique" (exponentially lamer than the crane technique) and defeat/humiliate the nephew much like Miyagi did to the evil sensei at the beginning of the film.

Is it any mystery why The Karate Kid, Part II gets my vote for the worst sequel ever?

But that's just my 2 cents. I sure I'm not the only one around here with a strong opinion on the matter

-Mr Blunderson